My Life on a Plate

Big Thank U's

I'm so touched by the lovely, supportive comments I received yesterday after my self-pitying entry. Just to know people are on my side is comforting, but the wisdom and truth in their words is amazing. How blessed I am to be amongst such intelligent, astute and caring people. I cannot thank you enough.

My brain's still whirling today but I feel a little brighter and the sun's shining outside for the moment too. I wasn't given the opportunity to put things right yesterday; it was no big surprise not to have any contact from my critic. It could be for other reasons, but I suspect it's a deliberate ploy to rub salt in the wound. The tiny sensible voice that tends to get pushed to the back of my emotions is saying maybe it would be better to break all contact with this person. I'd miss him (yes, of course it's a male, but nothing intimate or romantic) but experience has taught me that you do get over these things in time. I'm not sure how it will pan out but I'm not doing any chasing and if the relationship continues, then I will attempt to alter my perception of this person. Nada is quite correct in that I have spent a lot of time listening to, supporting and advising him and when I analyse it I've not had much in return. Why She Wrote hit a chord too; I've forgiven people for hurting me too often and bent over backwards to be in their good books. Maybe, we only see the person as we want them to be, not as they truly are. So, I leave it in the hands of fate; to let go of someone I've cared about for a long time and who professed to care for me too will be very difficult. But, if that is what is meant to be then I must accept it.

I'm still very tired this morning; my sleep was fitful and I dreamt about an old college friend I severed all ties with about four years ago. I don't need to look far to see where that came from. It was the first time in my adult life I've actually fallen out with someone completely, but there was no way on earth I could forgive the things she said about me. Sad and silly for two grown women to fight like children and I must admit it didn't hurt as much as the present situation. Strangely, she inadvertently opened new doors for me when she walked out of my life, for which I'm very grateful. But then, being a softy, I believe everything happens for a purpose and people are sent for a reason, season or lifetime. I love that philosophy; I must post it on here sometime, for posterity.

Anyway, I'm rambling again. I've read in some journals how the writer feels 'blogging' is distracting them from other writing and I can relate to this. It does take time to write, read and comment and I'm aware I have more time than those with jobs and families. So I do not expect to be read out of a sense of duty or to return my comments. It's great to receive feedback yes, but for me, this is the easiest of things to write, satisfying, a release, a record for reference and it has brought me some wonderful friends. I think I need that at the moment more than I need to write a novel. I love to read other's journals too, to feel part of their days and read their thoughts and share their feelings is something I look forward to each day. For the moment, this is enough. Thanks again my wonderful readers.