The Ethereal Friendship

Going Home

Marissa

“Do I look like a gang member?” Angela asked.

“Of course not.” I told her.

“Angela, do you think I’m from a gang?” Adrian asked, wryly.

“Oh my God, Adrian, I-I didn’t mean that!” Angela cried out, always so sensitive, and unable to catch on to sarcasm. Adrian smiled, and I patted her back.

Angela and Adrian had something in common now, besides their cancer. They both covered their heads with a bandana. Today was her first time putting one on, and the short haircut had done its job. Prepared her for the worst. She had missing patches of hair at the top, front and at the back of her head. It had
only been a few days since I managed to bring the old Angela Michelli back, and now she had the appearance of someone I didn’t know. But only the appearance.
No matter how tired, sick, sad or bald she became, she’d always be Angela. My kind, beautiful Angela.

After more then a month of chemo, hospital care, and terrible sickness I began to see that Angela was an even stronger, and inspiring person then I’d realized.
She had good days and bad days. Days where she couldn’t move her head, and days where she’d catch the flower carts for Tomoya, and carry Robbie on her shoulders so he could pretend to swing from webs like his idol. Days where she’d sleep the whole time I visited, and days where she and I would sit in the hospital atrium, and watch the world pass her by.

She’d wear a mask again when we left the 9th floor. I understood it now. She’d worn it back then to ward off infection that could be deadly to her. She’d hurt and cry from the chemo, but had never told anyone.
Now I knew. I wished I’d known back then.

I’d hug Angela a lot. I wanted to hold on to her as the days and weeks passed with hardly any change, and still no word on a donor. I hated leaving her. I really felt like I was losing her. I wanted to magically make it all disappear. But the only person I knew with any magic was Angela herself, and she was already concentrating all her beautiful faith on getting well.
~

“Oooh Anjira to Adurin look same!” Tomoya grinned.

“Whoa, you used to have as much hair as me.” Arcadies added, incredulously.

“I want a bandana too!” cried Robbie, who’d been completely bald for the last couple of weeks. He was different from the other kids. Because he lived in the city, Robbie only came to the hospital for treatment less then a week at a time, than he’d get to go home for the weekend. He’d usually wear a baseball cap, or wide brim to cover his bald little head.

Adrian, who’d been with Angela and I as she put on her first bandana, rolled over to Robbie, and reaching in a little bag attached to his wheelchair, pulled out a red bandana, much like his, (Angela’s was blue) and handed it to the little boy.

“It might be a little big for you, Spiderman. Do you want me to help you put it on?”

Robbie nodded, and Adrian leaned over to tie the scarf around his head. It flopped over like puppy dog ears. He looked adorable. They all did. All three of them with their little bandanas.

“Hey you three, say cheese~!” I called, pulling out my digital camera. I had lots of pictures of Angela and me, why shouldn’t I have one of her now? With Adrian and Robbie too. I had to get one of Tomoya also.

“Shashin!”

I got one.

As soon as I took the photo of Angela, Adrian and Robbie’s smiling faces, Tomoya jumped on Angela’s lap, and said something in Japanese. I smiled.

“Tomo-kun~” Angela giggled, cuddling him.

I got another photo of just to two of them, and Robbie jumped off the bed to see what he looked like in the mirror by the door.

“I’m like Inu Yasha! I’ve got doggie ears!” he cried, his face lighting up with happiness I hadn’t seen on him before. Tomoya jumped off Angela, and ran to see Robbie’s ‘ears’.

“Uwah!” he exclaimed. “I want to be… Sesshoumaru!”

Tomoya liked bad guys.

“Marissa, can I see?” Angela asked, and I sat down beside her and Adrian, and flipped to the start of my digital camera’s film display. The first picture that showed up was Angela and Kari on the volley ball court at school. I held my breath, and Angela looked into my eyes, sadly.

“I remember her…” Adrian said, softly.

“We all do.” Angela replied, smiling at him, but her eyes were sad and lost.

I studied the picture, and sighed. I hadn’t even been friends with Kari when this picture had been taken. It tore at my heart that quite possibly could be torn in half by now.

I flipped to the next picture.

“You two look so happy.” Suddenly Adrian said, as a picture of Angela and I came up on screen. I think it was the first day of the tenth grade. We were no longer ‘niners’. We were all dressed up, in any case, and smiling brightly. It all seemed so long ago. Far away.

Angela looked really nostalgic too. She was lost in a world of memories of wellness, and colours outside her hospital walls. Her sadness and longing somehow was visible to me even though she smiled. She could smile through her tears.

“What’re you all looking at?” Arcadies asked, hopping on Adrian’s lap, and gazing at the camera screen.

“You and Angela are real good friends, aren’tcha?” she drawled in her five year old speech.

“Yes we are. Marissa is my best friend.” Angela smiled.

“When I go to kindergarten I’m gonna have a best friend too and they’ll never ever know about stupid lymphoma!” she announced, triumphantly.

“Of course, honey.” Angela encouraged, patting the little girl’s head, but she moved away, closer to Adrian who seemed a little out of it. She only trusted Adrian. Angela knew that. Arcadies was a lost little girl, with a serious illness who’d been sick for so long that she’d lost trust in most people who should be her most trusted companions.

“What about you, Adrian? Do you have a best friend?” she asked him.

“I did…” he trailed off. “But they…I…” his words slurred, he mixed up what he was saying, and he seemed to involuntarily let go of Arcadies, his hands dropping to his sides.

“Adrian…?” she asked. And suddenly Adrian went completely limp, and before any of us knew it he had fallen to the floor and was shaking violently, his body convulsing, and his eyes had rolled back into his head.

“Adrian!” Angela screamed, dashing to his side. I didn’t know what to think. I had no idea what was happening, and it was scary. So very scary.

“Adrian, Adrian, stop!” Arcadies cried, her eyes wide with fear.

“Arcadies, get a nurse!” Angela shouted, and the little girl hopped to her feet, and scrambled down the hall.
~

Adrian had had a massive seizure. A grand maul.

He was put in intensive care because he had trouble breathing, and he was in danger of suffering another one. This upset Arcadies, so Angela and I took her down to the ICU and lifted her up to see her friend.

Adrian was usually unconscious, but he could smile at her when he was awake. I saw his family waiting outside the room, and they looked so worried. I wondered what I had gotten myself into. Making friends with all these sick kids.

“I’m gonna marry Adrian, and stupid cancer isn’t going to stop me!” Arcadies told us back in room 904. “And it’s not gonna stop him either!” she added.

“Don’t worry, ‘Cadies, Adrian is going to be OK.” Angela comforted the little girl. She was really worried. It didn’t seem right that a five year old was worried whether her friend would live. Five year olds shouldn’t worry about anything.

Also Maria wasn’t doing well. She had a fever, and a lingering cough. Doctors would hurry in and out of the room to see her, and there was talk of putting her into intensive care too. But Maria wouldn’t allow that. Instead she got a surprise visit from her brother, and that made her better. He was good looking, actually. I couldn’t stop staring at him, and Angela kept laughing at me. But I didn’t want Maria to know I thought her brother was cute. She’d yell at me again. For a twelve year old cancer patient, she was pretty intimidating.

God, I was afraid of a kid.

I went to see Brian that night. He still waited around for me. I finally told Angela about him, and she threw a teddy bear at me for not telling her sooner. I guess I deserved that.

“Sounds like things are looking better.” Brian told me after I’d updated him on my life. He was like a diary. A diary that offered advice, comforted me, and looked really good.

“Sometimes Angie seems better, and sometimes she doesn’t. She really needs this transplant.” I said, looking down at my caramel macchiato.

“Yeah, the bone marrow transplant.” He said, distantly. “Still no luck, huh?”

“Not yet.” I sighed.

“No one in her family matches?”

“She has no family.” I mumbled.

Brian frowned. “Maybe you’re her family.”

“That’d be nice…” I murmured.

“No, really, you’re probably like sisters to each other. You seem to care for her so much.”

I looked up at him. “I do.” I sighed. “Now the only way I can see my ‘sister’ is by taking a streetcar to the hospital downtown everyday. And I have to deal with Maria.”

“Who’s Maria?” Brian asked.

I leaned my chin on my hand. “A really annoying kid in Angela’s room.”

“You’re calling a kid with cancer annoying?”

I blushed. “You don’t know her. She’s evil. She practically gave me a concussion!” I cried.

Brian grinned.

“She did!” I shouted.

“Uh huh…” he muttered, teasingly.

“If you met her you’d believe me.” I grumbled.

“Alright, Marissa. I believe you.” He smiled.

“You’re coming with me to see Angela next week.” I told him.

“That’s what I wanted to hear.” Brian grinned.

“Maria will probably fall in love with you or something. She’s 12 going on 30.” I warned him.

“Well, I’ll just have to tell her I’m taken.”

Brian never did tell me what he meant by that.
~

Adrian was back the next day. He looked a little bit run down, but I was glad he was well again. As well as he could be anyway.

Angela and Arcadies had a big ‘Welcome Back’ sign for him, but that day when I came to visit her, Angela wasn’t there. The others were all sitting around Adrian eating chocolate-chip cookies. Even Maria was joining in. She’d been in better spirits since her brother came by.

“The chemo makes this stuff taste like crap, but its still fun to eat!” she grinned, grabbing another one before Tomoya could steal off with them all. Even Nikko was there, holding onto little Tomoya.

Where was Angela?

“She was here awhile ago, but she ran off saying she had to do something.” Nikko told me. She was sitting with Tomoya on her lap, who was stuffing his face with cookies. His cheeks were puffed out like a chipmunk.

“Slow down, Tomo.” Nikko told him.

I looked around. Where did Angela go? She knew I came now, and Nikko wasn’t worried or anything…

“Well, um…welcome back, Adrian.” I said, deciding to join them, and took a chair by Nikko and Tomoya. “I’m glad you’re alright.” I smiled at him, and he weakly smiled back.

“Thanks, Marissa.”

“He’s mine! Stay away!” Suddenly Arcadies shouted, clinging to the boy.

Uh oh… she was jealous of me…

“Don’t worry, I’ve already got a boyfriend.” I told her, wondering if that were really true. Everyone but Arcadies laughed. She just clung to Adrian closer, and bit into a cookie.

“Dozo.” Tomoya said, handing a cookie to Robbie, who cautiously joined them.

“That’s a good boy.” Said Nikko.

“Marissa, please have one too. You are welcome at our celebration.” Adrian offered, and Arcadies scoffed, crossing her arms together.

“Thanks.” I said, standing up to get a cookie, but Tomoya tapped me on the shoulder saying, “Dozo” as he handed me a cookie. I took it, and was about to thank him when…

“Boo!” Someone grabbed the back of my shoulder and I flipped out.

“Ahh!” I shouted, and dropped the cookie, and Tomoya jumped off his mom like a rocket to retrieve it.

“Marissa, it’s me.” My captor spoke, giggling.

I turned to Angela, panting and holding my chest. She grinned from ear to ear, her eyes sparkling.

“Floor cookie!” Tomoya cried, grabbing my cookie from the floor.

“Stop right there!” Nikko ordered, and the boy stopped, looking over at her with a confused expression.

“Now turn around.”

He turned.

“And sit.”

Tomoya scrambled to his chair by Adrian, and Robbie burst out laughing.

“Are you trying to give me a heart attack?!” I demanded.

Angela giggled. “Sorry.” She smiled.

I blew out air, and slumped back into my chair.

“Marissa!” she cried, and wrapped her arms around me. “I have to tell you something!” she continued, excitedly.

Nikko turned around then, and flashed a knowing smile.

“I asked my doctor about coming to the festival next week, and he said I could! He told me I was due for a home-visit, and he allowed me to go home for that whole week! Marissa, I’m coming home!” Angela hugged me tighter, and I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. She was coming home. Angela was coming home!

“That’s wonderful, Angie~! This is so great!” I beamed, feeling so happy I thought I was going to cry. “You can finally come home!” I cheered, and we clutched each other’s hands, and started hopping up and down with excitement like we’d done when we were kids. I felt so alive, and happy. Finally things were starting to get better.

“Wow, Angela, looks like two congratulations are in order today.” Adrian smiled.

“Lucky Angela...” Maria muttered.
“Anjira kaite?” Tomoya spoke up, his lip pouting, and looking as if he would cry.

“Yes, Tomo-kun. Let’s be happy for Angela because she gets to be with her friends and family.

“Noooo!” he grumbled. “No leave!”

“Oh, aw, Tomoya…” Angela started, kneeling down beside him. “I’ll only be gone for a week. I’ll come back.” She soothed him, gently.

“That’s right, Tomoya. Angela is still not well like you, so she has to come back and take her medicine.” Nikko explained.

It broke my heart seeing little Tomoya sad. I’d never even thought that the children would miss Angela. I just wanted it all to be like normal when she came home. It would be just the two of us again. Because two months ago, I didn’t even know who Tomoya was.

“Come back?” Tomoya asked.

“Can I play with Anjira for the next week?” I asked him, joining them on the floor. “Then you can play with her when she comes back, OK?”

Tomoya looked into my eyes, and then over at Angela.

“Un.” He nodded, but he continued to pout for the next few days.

When Angela left the lair, and the oncology floor the next week, the little boy clung to his mother and watched as she walked away holding her aunt’s hand, and she turned around to him and smiled as she waved. He watched until she disappeared on the elevator.

Anjira was going home.


Angela returned home on a Sunday morning near the end of February after being in the hospital since early January. It was wonderful to see her home again, although that first day she just wanted to crawl into her own bed and sleep for awhile. But at dinner I came over and Francesca made us all a big celebratory dinner, and Angela did her best to eat it, while I did my best not to cry.

“Welcome back, Angela, our brave young woman.” Francesca cheered at the small family supper, toasting a glass of wine with sparkling grapefruit for me, (how drab), and sparkling water for Angela’s weak stomach.

"I’m so glad to be home with all of you again.” Angela smiled, but it was no longer a strong smile.

She wore a mask again, still in danger of coming down with an infection. She had her cloud spotted sky-blue housecoat over her pajamas, too tired to get dressed, and most of her clothes were much too big for her after all the weight she’d lost. She seemed fragile and breakable. Like glass.

“Even for this short while.” She added, mixing her small portion of pasta with the sauce on her plate, doing her best to finish it because Francesca had made it for her. It was her favourite.

“Welcome back, Angie.” I said to her, clinking my glass with hers.

“It’s good to be home.”


The next day I was in such good spirits at school I actually wanted to practice for the festival, which I rarely did, and Katy and Irena always got mad at me. I hated practicing, and they hated that I sounded good without doing it. I wanted to tell everyone that Angela, my best friend was home. I could had screamed it out loud. But I didn’t. I wanted it to be a surprise when I dragged her to the festival for only the few hours her doctor said she could, and thought maybe she would want her privacy. She had always been shy, and there was no doubt the students at our school would pile her up with questions and general nosiness. She didn’t deserve that.

“You certainly are in a good mood today.” Katy muttered when I left practice that day, eager to get home to see Angela. At home. Her own home. I didn’t even have to take a street-car there. It was great. I didn’t have to go to the hospital anymore.

“I guess I am.” I agreed, smiling at Katy who shrugged.

“Well, whatever…”

“You can smile too you know.” I told her, before heading home.



“Hey, Marissa.” Francesca cheerfully greeted me at the door to her big mansion of a house that day. I smiled at her, feeling great to be back at the familiar home instead of the frightening hospital.
“Angie’s doing well today. She managed to eat a good bit, and I took her out shopping for awhile so she could find some clothes that fit her. She went to lay down awhile ago, but I’m sure she’s up to seeing you.” She explained, letting me inside.

“I’m so glad she’s home.” I smiled again, just so happy with everything.

Francesca didn’t reply, and instead walked over to the counter in the kitchen, and reached up for a glass from the shelf.

“Would you like a drink?” she asked, and I said no, eager to get to Angela before she would drift off to sleep.

She was watching a Disney movie when I came into her room. She was so cute, still into cartoons.

“Angie.” I called out to her, and she turned away.

“Hi Marissa.” She smiled.

“What’re you doing watching cartoons, huh?” I teased.

“They’re cute, and funny. They can make people forget their problems.” She insisted.

“Okay…”

Angela giggled.

“So show me your new clothes, girl.” I said, sitting on the bed with her. “Did you have to go to Miss Teen, or Lasenza Girl, or any of those other children’s stores that might just have something that fit you?”

“Nooo~!” she laughed. “They said I was too fat even for their plus sizes.”

We both burst out laughing then.

“How’s it feel to be back in the fairytale room, princess?” I asked, brushing my hand against the satin covering running up and down her canopy bed.

“Comfy.” She grinned, pulling them closed so we were just two shadows sharing secrets. Then she sighed, deeply.

“Are you tired?” I inquired, quietly, seeing the fatigue in every pore in her face.

“Yeah, just climbing the stairs is an effort now.” She sighed.

I looked down. A silence started to grow, looming in the room like a ghost. I hated it.

“Let’s go for a walk.” She suddenly spoke up.

“A walk?” I repeated.

“Yeah, just around the neighbourhood. I miss that freedom, you know? Just to walk outside because I can. Its something I didn’t have before now."

I looked out at the dreary February weather, where the sky didn’t snow, and the sun didn’t shine. It looked terrible. But I understood why she longed for it.

So she bundled herself up in a hat and mittens, and we walked into the great outdoors.

“Did the groundhog see its shadow this year?” she asked me.

“The groundhog never sees its shadow here.” I mumbled.

We’d have winter for another eight and a half weeks.
Stupid groundhog. Hadn’t he ever heard of a light?

“Hmm…” Angela looked up at the sky as we crossed over to a park with a small playground with children playing on it. They giggled and squealed in the dusk light as they ran and jumped around. Angela watched them, hardly blinking, and I could only imagine how lost and strange she must be feeling.

We heard the voices of the children’s mothers calling them home for dinner, and watched them all scramble down the street. Then suddenly, Angela bolted for the playground and jumped on the swing-set. I followed her, and seated myself on the swing beside her.

“Hey, what are you doing?” I asked.

Angela smiled, and swung back.

“I’m stimulating my inner child.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Oh really….”

I swung up, and she did too. We both tried to touch the pink, darkening sky.

“This is for the children in the hospital who can’t enjoy this freedom just yet!” Angela shouted at the sky.

“For the kids in room 904!” I added, grinning.

“For Tomoya!” she swung higher.

“Hey, I was gonna say that!” I cried, and Angela laughed out loud.

It was a walk in the park I’d normally take for granted, but she loved every minute of it. I promised myself that I wouldn’t take anything for granted anymore.
~

Angela


“Hi~.” The voice on the phone was strange, but familiar to Angela as she took the phone call from her aunt that night. She thought she knew who it was on the line, but was very surprised to be hearing from him.

“Anjira.” The little voice said, and she smiled.

“Tomoya!” she cried. “How are you, honey?” She heard Nikko in the background helping him with his English.
“OK desu.” He replied.

She heard more encouragement from Nikko and then he spoke up again.

“Izu home OK?” he asked.

“Yes, I’m happy to be home.” Angela smiled.

“I missu you.”

Angela held the phone tighter, and felt tender, realizing she missed the little boy too.

“I miss you too.” She said, softly.

“But home izu good, ne?”

“Yes, Tomo, it is.”

“I take medicine today.”

“Really? Do you feel OK?”

“Medicine make me well. It izu OK.” The brave little boy said. “You play with Marischa-onnee-chan today?” he asked.

“Yes, I did.” Angela smiled.

“Yokatta ne.”

Angela could hear Nikko trying to correct him, but he left it at that.

“Anjira daisuki.”

“I love you too, Tomoya.” She smiled, understanding the little one now. Nikko again helped him find the right words.

“Come backu soon.”

Angela smiled to herself.

“Bye-bye.” The little boy said.

“Bye Tomo-kun. See you next week.”

“Bye.”

There was a pause, and then Nikko came on the line.

“Hi Anjira, honey.” She said.

“Hi Nikko.”

“How are you doing?”

“I’m fine.”

“Are you enjoying your time home?”

“Yes, but I do miss the children. Especially little Tomoya.”

The nurse chuckled.

“He really misses you too. He begged me to let him call you. I thought you might not want to be bothered on your time off, but he insisted.”

“No, no, it’s fine. I loved hearing from him. He can call whenever he wants.” Angela said, quickly.

“That’s good.” The nurse replied. “You take care of yourself, OK, Anji? Don’t let me see you back here this week, alright?”

Angela nodded to herself, and smiled as she mimicked Tomoya’s way of agreeing.

“Un.”
~

Later that night Francesca came into Angela’s room and the two of them watched a home video of her old home, herself as a child, and her mother and father.
They both laughed and cried at the memories presented to them through the many video clips. Angela cried warm tears, and wished both her parents could be with her during her very difficult time.

I wish I had a family…then maybe…I could live…
~

Marissa

On Tuesday, Angela and I made the solemn journey to the cemetery to visit our young friend’s grave. The headstone was there now. Her full name was written out in both English and Japanese across the top, her birth and day she died lay under it, and then a saying about her young life; Our bright star shines with her father now. God bless her, and keep her.

It was really hard for Angela. She was so quiet, and full of grief. She gripped onto my hand, and because I had been through all this before, and because I loved her so much, I squeezed her hand back, and held her tight.

“Maybe once, to me… it wasn’t real.” She said, her accent peeking out from under her soft voice. I would notice her Italian accent show up a lot lately, especially when she was tired. Which was almost all the time now.

“I could pretend that when I left the hospital and went back to school, she would be there. With you.”

I took a deep breath in.

“But I know the truth now. Now I can say goodbye.” She put her hands together in prayer, and looked down, closing her eyes, but continuing to speak.

“I did not get this closure with my father.” A tear trickled down her cheek, and I tried to ignore it, empathizing with her, but leaving her in peace. Instead, I gazed down at Kari Tanabata’s grave, taking in the flowers, tea candles, butterfly and star ornaments, and wrapped in a plastic bag by the grave was the star pillow from the funeral. Katy must had visited here a lot, I thought. She was so moody and angry now, when she used to be quiet, and soft spoken, almost like Angela. I sighed. I missed Kari. I wished she could be here now that Angela had come home. Even though I’d changed my life around to combat the loneliness that grew from Angela’s absence, I was still…lonely. I felt like I would always be lonely. Even with Angela right by my side.
~



Angela

“Those who are close to death can sometimes communicate with the already dead.”

Adrian’s words floated through Angela’s head. She hated them. She’d hated them the first time she heard them. But, am I close to death…?

She wore a white flowing dress, her long ebony hair tumbled down her back, and her smile was strong. Angela wasn’t sure what she was seeing. Hikari was there, standing in front of her, a wind ruffling her hair in the still weather, her head lit up by a halo of sunshine that barely peeked through the clouds.

Am I close to death…?

She reached out to her, but there really wasn’t anyone there. The image remained, but there was no physical body in front of her.

The figure smiled, brightly, and pointed over to Marissa who reappeared beside Angela.

“Angela…” a voice echoed through Angela’s head this time from the figure in front of her, and not her memories. Kari was speaking to her through her mind.
Angela wanted to say how much she missed the girl, how everyone wanted her back, and how grateful she was for all the help and support she had given both her and Marissa. But she couldn’t form the words inside her head. Still, the figure pointed to Marissa, who was completely unaware of what was going on it seemed. Angela was the only one who could see the ghostly apparition.

Marissa was looking down at the gravesite, her eyes solemn and sad. She had circles under her hazelnut eyes, and she was thinner too. It was the first time Angela had noticed how her own friend was being affected by her illness, and the tragic death of their friend. Marissa always seemed so strong, as if she could take on the world. But Angela knew her friend’s softer, more sensitive side, tendered by the harsh divorce that seemed to toss her in the gutter like a forgotten little kitten.

“Take care of Marissa. Try not to forget that she’s suffering too.” The voice said, without the figure moving her lips.

Angela tried to put herself in her friend’s shoes. What would she do if Marissa got sick? She thought long and hard, and came to the conclusion that she’d do everything the same. She may not had lost her temper so easily at the beginning, but she’d had been hurt to be lied to, and she would have grieved her friend’s suffering, and stayed by her side everyday. She would have done everything the same. Every wonderful thing her friend had ever done for her. The only thing she’d had done differently was be able to completely empathize with her. Because she had gone through it all too. But she was glad Marissa couldn’t do that for her. She had the other children for that.

Angela agreed with the vision, and promised to do her best to help Marissa too. The apparition smiled, and then disappeared.

Angela was taken back to the cemetery beside Marissa, who leaned over and set the bouquet of flowers that both girls had purchased down beside the headstone, and stepped back.

“We miss you, Kari…” she said, and Angela suddenly thought of something. Something she should had asked the vision she saw.

Am I going to die…?
~

Marissa


Today was the day.

I had stayed as late as I could the night before setting up for the great big winter school festival that I was now apart of. Irena had made me practice that night too. I hated practicing. But it was all worth it now that it was time.

Francesca drove Angela to the school, and I excitedly met her at the front gate. She was bundled up in her winter coat, a scarf wrapped elegantly around her neck. She wore a warm hat, and underneath it she had wrapped a scarf around her head that hung down in a long, flower-printed ponytail.

I took her hand and led her to the large gym at the back of the school where the festivities were taking place. A big banner hung across the wall, welcoming everyone to the winter festival renamed Bright Star in memory of Kari’s special nickname. We took donations to both the MADD association, and the Canadian cancer society to benefit the Tanabata family for both Kari and her father who had died from brain cancer. At the same time we were also helping Angela too.

A live band played loud pounding music as we walked over to the entrance with Sandy taking care of the donations. She smiled at us both before doing a double take.

“Angela!” she cried. “Oh my God is that really you?!”

“It’s me.” She smiled, weakly, pushing her mask down.

“It’s so great to see you again! How are you? Are you well enough to come back to school now? It’s so great to see you with Marissa again. Now you’re complete.” Sandy exclaimed excitedly.

Angela giggled. “I’m glad to see you again too, Sandy. I feel well today, thanks. I’m not coming back to school just yet, this is my hospital vacation. I’m home until next Sunday. And um…. What else was I supposed to answer?”

I laughed, and patted her back. “See, Angie hasn’t changed.” I smiled.

“Well, seeing as you’re battling cancer now, I guess that means you don’t have to pay. Tickets on the house for the both of you.” Sandy said, handing us both tickets and smiling.

Angela and I looked at each other.

“No way!” we both said together, and together we dropped the two dollar suggested donation into the jar.

“Who says I shouldn’t contribute to my own cure?” Angela grinned.

“And this is for the Tanabatas.” I added, solemnly as I dropped my two dollar coin inside the MADD jar.

“And for Kari…” Angela added.

Sandy smiled, softly at us. She was more mature then most of the girls at our school. She didn’t make Angela feel uncomfortable because of her illness, and sudden return. I was glad of that.

We dropped our coats at the entrance and walked through to join the crowds of students huddled by the band stand.

Angela wore a long, lavender coloured, cashmere sweater that clung to her skinny body, and hung over her arms like an extra set of mittens. She had jeans that made her legs look like tooth picks, and I could have sworn I saw them in the girls aged 7-10 section of the local mall. She looked so very different, and I felt bad that I had curled my hair, bought a new sweater jacket, and put on makeup to look good for the concert. She was supposed to be the one that always out staged me with her blonde hair, and perfect body. But poor Angela hadn’t just lost weight around her waist. She had the body of a ten year old girl now, void of curves, and she’d even lost weight in her chest area.

There were some senior students who were part of a popular local band rocking out on stage, and most of the students were crowded around them, screaming and cheering. The festival was mostly for the 10th graders and their benefactors, but the grade nines, elevens and seniors all did their part too. There were games, sports, ice cream and a cotton candy machine set up right inside the gym. Everyone was so happy and carefree. They cheered and squealed, and I felt small amongst the crowds, and I could only imagine how Angela was feeling.

There was a barbecue with hot dogs and burgers, pop and chips also for support of the cause. I decided to lead Angela there instead so we could get some lunch, and stay out of the crowds. She seemed a little overwhelmed by the screaming, and crowds, but there was a smile on her face, and I stayed close to her as we made our way to the barbecue.

I spotted Katy and Irena in the lineup and joined them. Jake was also there, and his dopey eyed expression he gave me caught Angela right away, and she gave me an inquisitive look.

“Is there something you haven’t told me?” she asked, slyly.

I shrugged, and Jake turned red with a blush.

“Hi Marissa.” He said, nervously.

“Hey, Jake.” I waved, casually, and Angela suppressed a giggle.

“Are you enjoying the festival?” he asked.

“I guess so. We just got here.” I told him,
annunciating on the word ‘we’, because he hadn’t yet noticed Angela, even though she stood right beside me.

“Oh, OK. Well, I hope you have fun. I have to get to the front. I’m supposed to be taking tickets, but I got Sandy to take over for me while I got something to eat.” He said, still not noticing Angela who was laughing at him.

I smiled. He was oblivious.

“If I thought coming back to school would be this easy, I would had done it along time ago.” Angela giggled.

It was true. Jake wasn’t one to give her a hard time about her changes; he didn’t even know she was back.
I gave her a wry smile.

“So Angie, you think you can manage a burger?” I asked her.

She thought for a minute, than shook her head. “Maybe just a hot dog.”

I frowned. “Come on, you’re free, live a little!” I said, but regretted it instantly.

“Hey, Marissa!” Katy waved.

“Marissa, you ready?” Irena called, and I waved at them, sheepishly, wondering if anyone was going to notice Angela that day. She could easily be just one of the grade sevens. But Katy proved me wrong.

“No way, you’ve got Angela clinging to you again!” she spoke up, happily.

I laughed. “I stowed her away.”

“Yeah, she kidnapped me!” Angela giggled, again. I loved seeing her so happy!

“It’s great to see you again. Are you feeling better?” Katy asked.

“Yeah, I’m doing a little better now.” Angela smiled.

“Are you coming back to school?” Irena asked her the same question that Sandy had asked, and suddenly I heard whispering amongst the crowd.

‘Angela’, ‘cancer’, and ‘leukemia’ came up the most. Then Angela was pounced on by half the 10th grade class. It was the same questions, the same comments. She was overwhelmed by both the girls and boys.

“Angela’s back!”

“How are you?”

“Are you better now?”

“Are you coming back to school?”

“What’s it been like? Does it hurt?”

“Were you really in the hospital all this time?”

Angela couldn’t possibly keep up with all of them, and she looked nervous and shaky. I quickly came to her aide.

“Come on, give her some space.” I called, gripping her thin shoulders. She looked over at me, gratefully.
The crowd quieted down and let her catch her breath before going on about her drastic change in image.

“You look so different now.” One girl said.

“Yeah, I never would had recognized you.” Another added.

“What happened to your hair? It was so beautiful, why
on earth did you cut it?” A real ditzy girl said, and I wanted to punch her. How could she be so ignorant?

“I’ve gone through some really strong treatments. They made me lose most of my hair and left me very thin. It’s been hard, but no pain no gain, right?” She smiled, optimistically at the crowd who accepted her answer.

I had great respect for her then. When I felt like hurting those that didn’t understand, she recognized that they didn’t understand, and bravely set them straight instead of feeling sorry for herself.

One boy asked if she had gotten the get well card he sent, and she said yes. It touched my heart that someone else in this school had cared enough to do something for Angela, instead of bugging me to ‘give her their best’ or tell her they were thinking about her. It was all very nice but this boy had taken the time to do something for her of his own accord.
She had never shown me the card, I wondered when she had gotten it.

Suddenly I noticed the band music had stopped, and Irena was pointing to the stage frantically, wordlessly telling me to get my butt up there. I looked over at Angela who was still busy talking with the curious students, and then secretly slipped away.
~

Angela


“Is everyone having fun?” The young girl’s voice echoed across the crowd and Angela turned around, eager to stop having everyone interrogating her. She already felt tired.

Katy stood on the stage now, speaking through the microphone that reverberated through the back of the school. The students cheered, and some wooted.

“Is this better then class or what?” She continued, and the cheers rang out. That’s when Angela realized that she was alone.

Where was Marissa?

She looked around but saw no trace of her friend.

“Alright!” Katy cheered.

Angela kept looking around, feeling a little panicked to be without Marissa and lost in the crowd that she thought could swallow her up. She just wasn’t used to crowds anymore. It had been two months since she’d been anywhere on her own.

“Hey Angie, you gotta watch this!” Sandy gripped her shoulders and turned her toward the stage again. She felt better to be with someone she knew.

“But where’s---“ she tried to ask, but Sandy put her finger to her lips.

“Shh~”

“Alright, alright, let’s talk about something serious now.” Katy continued, capturing everyone’s attention with her confident manner and powerful voice.

“I’m sure everyone here knows where the profits of this festival are going today, and you all know who this is dedicated to.”

The crowd grew silent and solemn. Angela pursed her dry lips together as she listened.

“Almost a month ago now a grade 10 student from our school was killed in a drunk driving accident. Some of you may know her as the little sister of former students Aki and Ken Tanabata. But I knew her as a classmate a mentor and a best friend.” Katy’s voice cracked a bit, and Angela’s heart ached for her. Some of the other 10th graders looked saddened too.
But Katy quickly recovered, and continued speaking to the crowd.

“We don’t want something like that to ever happen again, and that’s why we dedicated this year’s festival to Kari, and decided to donate the profits to the MADD association which is taking big steps to stop drinking and driving and the senseless deaths that result from it.” She stopped. “We’ve already lost one student….let’s make sure we never lose another, and never drink and drive. For Kari.”
The students cheered, and Angela emotionally joined in, clapping her hands with the others, almost forgetting about Marissa.

Katy left the stage then, and Irena took her place. Angela hadn’t even noticed she had left either. Everyone was disappearing on her.

“Thanks, Katy. Great job.” She said to the girl who hurried off the stage, seemingly overwhelmed. Angela didn’t blame her. How could she ever get over the death of a best friend?

I could never lose Marissa…I couldn’t go on without her…

“It took a lot of courage for Katy to speak to you all today. Let’s give her a round of applause.” She paused so the students could clap, and they did.
Angela really wished that Marissa were with her now. She needed her emotional support. She felt hurt to be left alone when she had promised Marissa she would come to the festival for her.

“And now I am happy to present a new singer to our little concert today. She is a sophomore who we hardly knew, but she hid a powerful voice under her shy exterior. She looks like an actress, and sings like Amy Lee, please welcome fifteen year old Marissa Collins!”

Then Marissa came on the stage, just like Irena had announced, dressed in an elegant tan suede dress coat, her hair done in waves as it had been when Angela first saw her, but she hadn’t known why. She held her own microphone in her gloved hands that matched the coat, and strode confidently across the stage to join Irena. The crowd cheered, and many boys whistled. Angela had never seen her friend do anything like this. She had beautiful voice. Angela knew that. But her overbearing and discouraging parents had kept her from ever using it. A sense of pride for her friend washed through Angela’s heart. She felt so happy to finally see her Marissa perform, and discover how loved she now was at their school.
She watched as Marissa took one look at the cheering students and then spoke right into Katy’s microphone (instead of her own).

“I don’t sound like Amy Lee.”

Kids laughed, Angela could hear Sandy’s light hearted giggled of disapproval beside her. Someone shouted, “You’re better!” Then the speakers erupted with the soft piano introduction to the powerful and popular song by the artist that Marissa was being compared to. Amy Lee of Evanescence’s ‘My Immortal’.
The students almost squealed with excitement, and although her voice was a bit hoarse, Angela cheered out for her best friend too.

“Hey, I’m Marissa, and I want to dedicate this beautiful song by the talented band, Evanescence, to two people today.” She announced, confidently into her own mic as Irena left the stage.

“First, to Kari, hope she can hear this wherever she is…” She paused, and smiled as the music continued to play overlapping the introduction, waiting for her first vocals. A slight, but calm cheer came and made Marissa smile even brighter. “And to my best friend, who’s here today to see this, and I thank God for that.” She looked into Angela’s eyes, picking her petite, thin figure out from all the students around her, and it made her eyes fill up with tears as she smiled. “Angie, this is for you.” And with that she launched into the haunting, soft vocals of the song that seemed to touch the very souls of everyone there, but especially Angela, who cried with pride, gratefulness and love.

When Marissa reached the bridge, the most powerful and strong part of the song, Angela was overwhelmed with the professionalism and naturalism she put into ricocheting her vocal chords up the scale and holding them there, as if crying out to the Heavens; where Kari really could hear it. The violins and piano sang right along with her. They weren’t live, only she was. The crescendo ended the song, bringing her back down to the soprano melody she began with.

As the music faded out, the roar of the crowd was deafening, and Angela found herself joining right in, stretching her own viral scraped vocal chords to their limit. Marissa had the greatest smile, just looking so happy and proud. She bowed and bowed, and the students cheered and cheered. She thanked them over and over again, and was able to focus on Angela once before she was drowned in the crowd. Sandy took Angela out from the crowds and let her rest on a chair outside of the gym. Despite the wonderful performance she had seen, Angela’s weakened body ached with fatigue, and she was glad to have a rest in peace and quiet.

“Thanks, Sandy.” She breathed.

“You looked like you could use a breather.” The girl smiled.

Angela watched as Marissa started to leave the stage, and the cheers died down. She felt bad she couldn’t be up there to congratulate her friend. That’s what she’d wanted to do. She wanted to grab her in a hug and tell her just how amazing she was. But she had to wait for her to make it back to her. She knew it would be awhile.

“You know, everyone thought Marissa was incomplete without you,” Suddenly Sandy said, thoughtfully, and Angela turned to her.

“I mean there was no Marissa without Angela. No Angela without Marissa. You were such close friends.”

“We still are.” Angela replied.

“I know, I know.” Sandy insisted. “But with you in the hospital all this time she’s been all alone, and no one really knew her until now. She’s shown her true self.”

Angela knew that Sandy wasn’t trying to be mean at all, but she felt hurt form her comment. Was she saying that Marissa was better off without her? Was she better off without her?

“It’s good she’s got more confidence now…” Angela murmured, smiling at the girl, but still felt lost and hurt.

“Yeah, you gotta have it to be part of the student council.” Sandy added. Then Marissa came out from around the crowds, smiling as she stepped forward. Angela smiled too, and realized it didn’t matter what anyone said. Angela Michelli and Marissa Collins were best friends. And they would be, until the day they died.
~

Marissa

Angela hugged me gently, her failing strength feeling so light around my shoulders. She told me how wonderful I’d been, how I could sing to touch souls. Lost and broken souls. Did she mean that about herself?

She seemed happy for me, but also a little sad, as if someone had hurt her. I hoped it hadn’t been me. I apologized for running off on her, saying that it had been part of the surprise, but she insisted that was alright, and that she was alright too. I decided if she wasn’t going to tell me what was bothering her, than I’d just have to make her forget.

“Come on, Angie. How about that junk food you said you’d try today?” I grinned, gripping her hand.

“What junk food? I didn’t say anything about---whoa!” I pulled her off her feet, and over to the cotton candy stand. She giggled, and held her scarf on as I dragged her down the floor.

“It looks like cherry blossoms.” She smiled, tearing the pink fluff off her cotton candy and putting it to her lips.

“Heh, Tomoya would like it then.” I grinned.

“I should buy some and save it for him, and Robbie and Arcadies too. Maybe even Maria.” She said, thoughtfully.

I rolled my eyes. “Ugh, stop thinking about that place.”

Angela lowered her eyes. “I’m sorry.” She said, guiltily.

“Jeez, Angie, it’s a joke!” I cried, pushing her shoulder. “I didn’t mean it.” I continued, starting to realize how selfish I had sounded. “I just wish….” I paused, my voice cracking a little. “That you didn’t have to go back. I wish everything was normal again. I wish you were well.” I said, sadly.

“I do too, Marissa.”
~

“You’ve still got that killer serve, Angie!” Justine, the new captain of the girl’s volley ball team shouted, as Angela got to play her favourite game again at her own pace. She would serve, and I would chase the ball no matter how far it went down the court. Angela spiked the ball only when it came close to her, and our little game against Justine and Katy lasted only a few minutes, because Angela was too weak to play very long. But it made her happy again.

Justine, Katy, Angela and I all ate hotdogs and chips, and Angela actually managed a little more then half the hotdog, and a few chips which made her smile to eat. We munched on cotton candy, and watched the two strongest boys beat each other up on the boxing bungee mat. I tried it out against Jake, and knocked him off his feet. He either let me do that, or was just too infatuated with me to concentrate on what he was doing. I really had to tell him I wasn’t interested.

I got a following of freshmen who wanted my autograph before I became famous. I told them I didn’t think I was going to become famous at all but Angela disagreed. She said I should try out for Canadian Idol or something. I didn’t think that would be happening anytime soon, but I was flattered by all the encouragement. I caught a glimpse outside and noticed it was now snowing. Angela did too, and she gazed out at the falling snowflakes.

“I love snow.” She smiled.

“Me too.” I replied.

As the festival ended Angela seemed tired as we sat in the locker bay together. She started to cough a little, and I felt a little worried.

“You OK, Angie?” I asked.

“I just got something in my throat...” She cleared her voice. “…I swallowed the wrong way, that’s all.” She insisted.

I frowned, thinking about her weakened immune system, but I dropped it, not wanting to sound like an annoying doctor to her.

We said our goodbyes, and many of the girls hugged Angela wishing her their best. Francesca picked us both up and invited me to stay the night. Angela was tired from the long and eventful day and she lay down for a couple of hours while I helped Francesca with the dinner.

“She looks a bit flushed.” Francesca commented, as I helped chop vegetables. I bit my lip, remembering how Angela had been coughing after the festival.

“She played volley ball a bit. She’s just really tired…” I trailed off, uncertainly.

“I don’t know…” Francesca frowned. “The doctors told me that if she starts to seem the least bit ill I should get her back to the hospital as soon as possible.” She turned to me. “Did she seem alright to you?”

I swallowed. What could I say to that? I didn’t want her to go back to the hospital, but I didn’t want her to be sick either.

“Hey, whatcha cooking?” Angela poked her head around the corner.

“Hey, sleepyhead.” I grinned, glad to have a distraction from answering Francesca.

“Would you like some chicken, Angie?” Francesca asked.

Angela came over to the kitchen and nodded. “Mmmhmm.”

She looked well rested and strong again. She was alright. We were worrying for nothing.


“I had a lot of fun today. Thanks for inviting me, Marissa.” Angela told me later that night before bed. I knew she would be tired before me, and since the next day was a school day, I decided to go to bed at the same time as her. Her bed was big enough for us to share. Sleepovers were always comfy at Angela’s house with her big canopy bed. It had been a long time since we’d actually had a sleepover though. I guessed we were too old for that now.

“Glad you could make it.” I said.

Angela said nothing and scratched her head. She had taken the scarf off before bed that night. It was the first time in a few days that I had seen her without it. She had lost a lot more of her hair. Long, thin tufts of bangs hung down from under her bandana and scarf giving her a natural appearance, but without it her hair was barely there, and because it was such a light shade of colour even the little she had left was barely visible.

“Its not so pretty is it?” she had asked me and God help me I didn’t know what to say. I just gawked like some insensitive jerk unable to believe that I was looking at the same girl.

“Maybe I should get a wig.” She started, but then sighed. “But they probably won’t let me have it when I go into isolation…so I probably should wait until after the transplant.”

I still didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t being a very good friend.

“You look fine with the scarf on, and your hair will grow back soon, right Angie?” I did my best to smile optimistically.

“Yeah, you’re right.” she said. “But do you mind if I don’t wear it tonight? I can’t sleep with it on.”

I grimaced. She was a little bit dense at times, she really was.

“Angie, why would I mind? Just do what you need to do, I’m here for you no matter what, OK?” I felt like pounding that sentence into her bald little head. I wasn’t as much angry with her as I felt betrayed that she thought so little of me that she’d think I’d be offended by something so….so….something that had to do with her cancer. Something she had no control over, and was being thrust on her day after day.

Then I realized how awkward I was being that night. I had been gawking and not giving her advice or any real encouragement. Especially about her hair. So she probably got the feeling that I was freaked out by her. No wonder she didn’t trust me. I had seen how awkward and mean the girls at school were, and I didn’t want to be like them. I wanted to support her in any way I could. Unlike them I had been with her through the whole last two months. I should have been more supportive.

“Angela I—“ I started to say, but she cut me off.

“Do you think it’s better for you now…” she trailed off, her voice breaking. “….now that I’m not with you in school anymore…to hold you back..?” her soft voice shook, and I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
What was she saying? What was she saying to me? I felt like bursting into tears, I felt like screaming at her, I felt like walking away, but then she started to cry. She buried her head in her hands and sobbed. I didn’t understand.

“I’m so sorry. What an awful thing for me to say!” she cried into her fingers, covering the flow of tears. “I’m so sorry, Marissa. Don’t listen to me, I’m crazy.” She kept crying. It broke my heart. The things she was saying, and seeing her cry…it was awful.

“Angela, why would you say such a thing?” I asked as calmly as I could.

“I don’t know, I don’t know!” she sobbed, shaking her head, vigorously. “Sandy said that….she said that… you’re better off without me…that you’ve shown your true self now-----”

I cut her off. “Well don’t listen to that bulls***!” I shouted at her, and I joined her with my own tears. “Why don’t you get it, Angie?” I cried. “Why can’t you understand that I accept you? I don’t care that you have cancer. I don’t care that you’re losing your hair or that you’re sick all the time, I just care about you!” Tears came down my face and I felt like I could cry forever for everything that was threatening to pull us apart--especially death.

“It’s because I care about you that I’ve changed my life around. Because I miss you. I’m doing all this to fill up the void of not having you and-and Kari…” I broke off, trying to stop my tears. There had been a time when I never cried, now I seemed to be making up for it--- and doing it all the time.

“I’m lonely.” I continued, quieting down. “I have no one now. Please trust me. Believe in me. I never want to hurt you. You’re my best friend.”

“You’re my best friend too…” she replied, shakily. “I couldn’t believe that about you. But you’re right, I do have a hard time trusting people. If you’re happier without me….”

“Shut up.” I mumbled, angrily.

“Marissa…”

“Shut up!” I shouted.

She shut up.

“This is stupid. Why the hell are we fighting like this?” I demanded.

“I have no idea.” She sobbed.

“Do you still think I’m better off without you?” I asked, completely fed up with this. She shook her head, wiping away her tears.

“You make me cry all the time when you’re gone. I’d be better off with you so I could stop crying for once.” I crossed my arms, and glared at her. Then she started to laugh.

“What are you laughing about?” I demanded. She giggled, covering her mouth.

“I’m sorry.” She stammered. “But you just look so silly when you glare at me like that. I’m not used to you being angry.” She wiped at her eyes and I glared at her more.

“I’ll show you whose silly looking!” I shouted, and I pummeled her with a pillow. She looked so surprised, I almost laughed too. I sure ruined my image of Angela being like glass.

She hesitated, but then hit me back. I could barely feel it though. She was so weak she couldn’t even whip a pillow. But she still tried. We were both almost sixteen, but we were having a pillow fight. In all other cases it would seem childish. But it was something Angela and I had never done.

She tired quickly, and we stopped and lay down.

I was glad we had managed to make up. I thought hard about what had happened, and I realized that I had been awkward that whole night. She must have felt so uncomfortable that she brought up something she normally wouldn’t. Sandy had been wrong that I was better off without Angela, but I had changed my life around. Because before she got sick I just hung out with her and played volleyball under Kari’s coaching eye. Now I didn’t have them both. And I’d rather have Angela well and back to normal then all the popularity and friends in the world.

Angela quickly drifted off to sleep, but I lay awake for awhile thinking about everything that had been said.

I want it all to be normal again…. I said to myself as I looked over at my friend. She seemed content in her sleep, although her breathing was strangely raspy. I prayed she wasn’t in any pain. I prayed she’d suffer no pain for the rest of the week she was home.

Eventually I fell asleep too, lying on my side away from her. I couldn’t sleep on the other side. It was weird. That night I felt like I needed a stuffed animal to hold. I hadn’t had a teddy bear since before my parents got divorced.
~

I don’t know what it is that woke me up that night, but it was good I did. It was about 1 am that I found myself with my eyes wide open, and unsure of where I was. I squinted in the darkness at the white roof over the bed, and remembered I was in Angela’s canopy bed. I looked over at the clock beside the bed that said it was five after one in the morning. I could hear a strange noise, a sort of moaning coming from across the hall. I turned over and Angela no longer lay beside me. The covers were pulled down on her side, and I quickly got out of bed and padded toward the sound. It sounded like crying now, and as I approached the hall I realized it was coming from the bathroom. My heart pounded, and I called out to her. It had to be Angela. Where else could she be? But was she alright? Why was she crying?

“Angie?” I called. “Are you alright?” I came closer noticing the light pouring out from the bathroom door, and I saw her. She was huddled up on the floor holding a blanket over her head, and crying heavily. Her body shook with sobs, and she clutched at the blanket with both hands. I rushed to her side and held her shoulders.

“What’s wrong, Angie? What are you doing here?” I felt her body shiver and held her closer.

“I-I’m sick, Marissa.” She sobbed, and I felt a pain grip my chest. “I’m really sick.” She cried, tears continuing to fall from her eyes. “Please, you have to get Francesca.” She broke down in coughs, and I quickly put my hand to her forehead, my heart pounding a mile a minute. It was very warm.

“You’re burning up!” I cried. She stopped coughing, and desperately tried to catch her breath.

This wasn’t happening. Angela couldn’t be sick. She just couldn’t be! It was only the middle of the week; she couldn’t go back to the hospital now!

“I don’t want to leave you here.” I said, looking down the hall toward Francesca’s room. It seemed so far away.

“I came here to go to the bathroom, and just collapsed. I don’t think I can walk...” she whimpered.

Angela was small, she was extremely thin, and she was light as a feather I discovered when I leaned down and lifted her up onto my back. She shivered, but her body burned. I pulled the blanket over her, and ran back to her room when I lay her on her bed, covering her with the warmer comforter. She moaned, and tears trickled down her cheeks.

“It’s OK, Angie. I’m going to get your aunt, k?” I said, shakily, and ran down the hall.

Francesca and I wasted no time, and bundled Angela up in more blankets and a hat, and rushed her back to the hospital.

It was only Wednesday. She hadn’t made it.
~

This time Francesca and I got to be in the emergency room. It was terrifying. The doctors took one look at Angela and her charts, and rushed into this completely planned but desperately chaotic set of orders and procedures where they covered her mouth with an oxygen mask, started an IV drip, and tore her pajamas open to examine her chest as she struggled to breathe. She sounded like she was in so much pain. I hated it. And it was scary, so very scary.

Angela kept slipping in and out of consciousness, and I would hear the doctors and nurses keep calling her name to keep her awake. She fought hard, and finally they managed to stabilize her. Meaning they helped her to breathe, and got her fever under control. It took almost an hour to do this, and I was exhausted at the end. The doctor told us that she had caught a cold and it had dangerously escalated because of her weakened immune system.

At close to 2:30am they took Angela to a private room on the admitting floor because she was still too sick to return to her giant special room that she had left behind. She was asleep, exhausted from the fever and having to go through all the medical tests, and I couldn’t imagine how long she had been ill that night. I came in to see her anyway, and Francesca was going to stay the night.

Angela was on antibiotics to keep her from infection, and probably would be for awhile. The doctors said they had gotten to her in time, but it would be awhile before she was well enough to ever leave the hospital. This was it. She had lost her week off.

I stood over her frail form and felt tears in my eyes. She was going to miss her chance at normalcy, and her time home. She would continue to wait and wither away in this hospital room for a donor to save her life----or what was left of it.

I heard her raspy breathing through the oxygen mask, listened to the beat of her heart on the heart monitor, and shuttered over the seriousness of the situation.

When would this waiting game end? What did the end mean?

I suddenly broke down in sobs. I couldn’t help it. It was all so awful, and my best friend looked so helpless, and I was so tired, I just broke. I fell to my knees by her bed and buried my head in my arms, leaning over her side.

It was my crying that woke her up. I suddenly felt her clutch my hand and she spoke to me.

“I’m sorry, Marissa.” She breathed through the mask. “I’ll come home again…” she trailed off, and I didn’t even lift my head to look at her.

“Someday….”
~

~~~Tomoya's Glossary Part 5~~~

shashin~ picture
uwah~ wow
dozo~ for you (a polite offer)
kaite~ go home (kaeru)
yokatta ne~ Marissa doesn't know... so neither do you! ;)

I don't put definitions twice anymore, so I hope everyone has been learning some Japanese through these glossaries. If not, you can always refer to the previous one :)