My Life on a Plate

Mental Health

I've toyed with the idea of writing on this subject many times although I've never actually planned what I'd say. My writing tutor says never write about mental illness unless you've been there. Well I have, so I feel qualified to say a few things about a subject some of you may squirm about. It still angers me that mental problems still carry a stigma in present day society and there are still those who consider it taboo, frightening or even something people can shake off. Well sorry, but it's a subject close to my heart and one I feel is too easily ignored by many.

I don't know what's made me choose today for this subject, but I have read many blogs and other writings on this site by people suffering from mental health problems and on the whole my heart goes out to them. I've noticed too that readers tend to steer clear and stay away and that concerns me. These are people, flesh, blood and bone like the rest of us and generally they are people with the most sensitive souls and very creative natures. Look back in history and see just how many artists, writers, musicians, comedians, actors and even world leaders have been victims of mental ill health. It is nothing to be ashamed of and it's a sad world if people cannot discuss the subject through ignorance or embarrassment.

I have no problem admitting I suffer from clinical depression and have done for most of my life. I've had patches where my life has almost fallen to pieces due to the powerful effects of depression. Being unable to eat, sleep, concentrate, enjoy or even function at the most basic level is no fun believe me, and cannot as those who have no understanding or compassion think, be shaken off by 'getting a grip.' The brain is just another body organ and anyone who suffers mental problems is just as ill as someone with a defect of the heart, lungs or any other vital organ.

I spent two weeks in a psychiatric hospital and it would probably have been a lot longer if I hadn't come home for a weekend and decided not to return. It was not for me; I found no help in being treated like a brainless vegetable, left to rot with no activities and just given pills to numb the pain. No doubt some people do benefit from hospital treatment, but I hate to think of the long days I spent in there unable to do anything but count the spots on the curtains. I never got past nine for some reason.

My last depression lasted over a year; a year I care not to remember, but a year in which I learnt a lot. For me, pills, counselling, hospitalisation and doctors helped very little. I knew the root cause of my depression but could find no solution. I remember waking one morning and making a conscious decision. You know the song 'Pretend you're happy when you're blue?' Well that is exactly what I did. I pretended I was okay and at the end of the first day a tiny flicker of something sparked and I was on my way. The next day was a little better, then the next and so on until eventually I was back to being myself, even a little over the top if I'm honest. Within a month I was medication free, eating well (and gaining TOO much weight! lol) socialising and enjoying new friends and activities. And with the depression gone I was able to tackle the problem that caused it. I consider myself one of the lucky ones.

I realise this method wouldn't work for everyone or for every type of mental problem but when I told my doctor how I'd reached this position he acknowledged that it IS a recognised way of recovery. That the pretending can help the brain release the necessary chemicals to aid recovery.

It's made me have a different attitude towards my depressions. I used to be scared of them and while you're scared it will keep on happening, it will. I've had dark periods since then and no doubt as bad things happen in the future as I know they will, I'll sink to the bottom of that black hole. But I'm not so frightened now because I know that simple method of putting on a happy face and counting up the positives at the end of the day will help me fight.

I could go on and on (Yes, I know I have already) but I guess all I'm trying to say is that for any readers who suffer from mental health problems, there is hope and there are some of us who fully understand what you are going through. I think most people suffer some bouts of mild depression at times, who can remain constantly happy in life? For those who have no time for the mentally ill, I hope you'll gain some insight and learn to approach those who do as human beings who are suffering, victims of being over sensitive in a harsh world.

I have also learned a sense of humour helps a lot and would encourage anyone feeling miserable to hang onto their own - it's a great weapon in times of adversity. Okay, okay, I haven't been very funny today but even clowns need a day off now and again.