My Life on a Plate

British Newspapers

I must say it came as a bit of a shock to sign in today and see WDC almost nekkid, as someone would say. Can't say as I'm sorry though, didn't like all that dark and dreary stuff. I suppose we'll soon be all decorated out in green, red and gold now. Bah Humbug. But for now a fresh black month lies ahead. Am I going to turn it all blue? I doubt it, which I'm sure will come as a relief to many.

Not much personal news but here are some actual reports found in British Newspapers recently...

A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coastguard spokesman commented, "This sort of thing is all too common." (The Times)

Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description of it. It's a Special Branch vehicle and they don't want the public to know what it looks like. (The Guardian)

Commenting on a complaint from a Mr Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West Gas said, "We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It's possible Mr Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house." {The Telegraph}

Police revealed that a woman arrested for shoplifting had a whole salami in her underwear. When asked why, she said it was because she was missing her Italian boyfriend. (Manchester Evening News)

At the height of the gale, the harbourmaster radioed a coastguard and asked him to estimate the wind speed. He replied he was sorry, but he didn't have a guage. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff. (Aberdeen Evening Express.}

I think we should all take up jobs as reporters.