My Life on a Plate

No Laughing Matter

I apologise before I start for what promises to be a very unfunny and depressing entry. I'm not asking for sympathy or feeling sorry for myself, but just stating facts. Facts I find very difficult to accept and cope with.

I hate Sundays. Always have for some reason. Maybe it's that 'got to go back to school, college, work feeling' I'm sure we've all experienced. Nowadays I don't do any of those things but Sunday is just...so Sunday.

Sunday afternoons I visit my parents. I check out their supplies and make a shopping list of things they need. I do a bit of cleaning for them and spend the rest of the time doing jigsaws with my mum. Nothing to inspire an interesting blog for sure.

For a long time I've been aware of my mother's failing mental capacity. She's a proud, stoic lady and would find it difficult to admit to. I know I've complained about her in here and she can be a cantankerous old bat, but she's still my mum when all's said and done.

Today, her confusion, absent-mindedness and difficulties in comprehending reached an all time high. I coped - just, but when I came home I felt so upset about it all. I can't help thinking back to the bright, funny, capable active person she used to be and it breaks my heart to witness what is happening to her now. She's struggling and won't admit it; I'm struggling and don't know how to cope.

How much longer do I have to watch my mum losing her hold on life? How much more can I cope with or feel able to? How can I help? Nothing I can do can stop this deterioration and it's very disturbing. I'm not a coper; I take my knocks hard and find the harsh realities of life difficult to face. I'm sorry to burden you.

I know there are people far worse off. I know I should be grateful my parents have survived this long. I know I owe it to them to do what I can.

I also know I was aiming for a booze free night. I FAILED! lol I know the answers don't lie in the bottom of a bottle but it numbs the pain a little. Please don't think I'm ungrateful or seeking sympathy. I'm not - I always wore my on my sleeve and I guess we never really change.