My Life on a Plate

Waterworks

Yesterday morning I went on the train to meet my sister in Nottingham. As my train arrived several minutes before hers, I thought I'd just nip to the loo before going to her platform.

After 55 years you'd think I'd realise ladies never 'nip' to the loo in public places. It doesn't matter what day or time it is, whether you're in a shop, station, cinema, pub or restaurant, there is ALWAYS a long snaking queue for the ladies toilets. You men just don't realise how lucky you are.

I'm thinking of doing a survey and investigation on the topic, as there are aspects of lady's loo behaviour I do not understand. I stand in queues, crossing my legs and jiggling about for ages, because some women seem to be in their cubicle forever. It gets to my turn and I'm in and out in a flash. Relieved, wiped and flushed I emerge to find the same person at the front of the queue as when I went in and all the other cubicles still occupied by those who were in there before me.

Does this mean I have a very small bladder or should be in The Guiness Book of Records for the world record peeing speed? I cannot imagine why it takes some women so long to pass a bit of water or why they'd want to stay any length of time in a public toilet. The sinks, mirrors and driers are all outside the toilets so they aren't preening themselves and as I can only hear trickling noises, I know they aren't involved in the other necessity.

Maybe they practice their mid-stream flow in there, or have very slow release bladders? Maybe they've stored up gallons over a few days and it takes a long time to empty? Maybe it takes them a long time to get started or they aren't sure when they've actually finished? I just don't know - it's always been a mystery to me as I take my ten second pee and leave.

Anyway, sis did arrive and we had a fun lunch and did a bit of shopping, then came back on the train and deposited her at my parent's house. She'll be staying here tonight so I predict the diet will go to the wind and the alcohol will increase significantly, but it's only one night eh? Tell you what though; it doesn't take either of us long to pass that increased intake of fluid. Maybe we can time each other? We've done some crazy things together but not sure we've ever had a peeing contest before.

So, better go and get ready. Got the bog to clean first of course seeing as it's Friday. That takes me less time than it takes some women to pee though. Maybe that's the answer. Women who have a bog-cleaning obsession and carry a secret brush in their bag, so they are always equipped to clean one if the urge overtakes them? My mind really is on a very high intellectual plain this morning isn't it? Okay ...better p*** off.