The Time Without

Chapter One - The Beginning

Chapter One

Poem One

The Beginning

Blue - The Wolf Knew

One week after moving in with the wolf disguised,
Through a beating; no anger or frustration am I to realize.
I am not allowed to feel in any extreme...
Neither am I allowed to cry or scream.
I am to do only as I am told;
for to do otherwise again the violence will unfold.
I will be grateful for this I have been given;
a home that will never be mine-that I live in.

So I shall silently cry and wish...
for my Daley Storm and internally relish~
Basking in his love that was so pure;
if only I could have known this before...
the door to my cage was locked into place--
like the bruises now visible upon my neck and face...

the wolf knew

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REVIEWS RECEIVED FOR ITEM

#1. Review Of "Blue - The Wolf Knew" (nw) [Rated: E]
Review By: Lynn Hicks (27)
Date and Time: 02-26-06 @ 4:15pm
Public/Private: Public
Reviewer's Rating: (5.0)
Review Length: 303 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]
Hi! Thanks for entering the "Color My World - SPLAT! Contest"...winners will be announced soon
I love the intensity, emotion and sort of defiance found in this piece. I love the "the wolf knew" line. Great job!


Lynn
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#2. Review Of "Blue - The Wolf Knew" (nw) [Rated: E]
Review By: Faol bhig (6)
Date and Time: 11-10-05 @ 10:30am
Public/Private: Private
Reviewer's Rating: (4.5)
Review Length: 108 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]
Wow!!! this is a great poem... all i have to say is wow! keep up the good work!
Eilis


My Feedback; My Received Reviews For
#1030912 - Blue - The Wolf Knew


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Chapter One
The Beginning
Poem Two

In Passions Flame

Why could ye
Not ever be
What ye claimed
In passions flame

I truly loved thee
Unconditionally

The reward that ye
Returned to me
Was deceit and pain
Betrayal and burning rain

Though ‘tis I who should take blame
For allowing thee to lay shame

Upon mine own soul…

When in truth I
Placed my trust in thy lies
So onward I die
One leaf at a time…

Why could ye
Never be?

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REVIEWS RECEIVED FOR ITEM

#1. Review Of "In Passions Flame" (nw) [Rated: E]

Review By: Ðâ®k§kÿ€ (24)
Date and Time: 02-02-06 @ 8:44am
Public/Private: Public
Reviewer's Rating: (4.5)
Review Length: 1,404 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]

Hello, DragonBlue
Here's my review of your piece, "In Passions Flame"
Hey there, Thank you for entering in my Write Away Contest. It's much appreciated.
Likes:
Things that I specifically thought were good in your piece or that brought out your piece in some way.
I liked the originality in this. It brought me in immediatly.
I also like the use of different words, (ye, tis') I've never seen this done very often but I really love how you used this kind of wording in your poem. It really spices up your poem in my opinion. Well done!
Suggestions:
Things in your piece that could be changed to improve it. However, this is only my opinion
You Have: Upon mine own soul…
*The (...) or elipses shouldn't be used here. Though this is being really picky. they should only be used in dialogue.
Overall:
My overall thoughts on the piece
Overall, nice work! An enjoyable piece.
*Winners will be announced within the next couple of days.

Keep up the good work!
Write On!
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#2. Review Of "In Passions Flame" (nw) [Rated: E]

Review By: Suze married lady (41)
Date and Time: 11-13-05 @ 3:28pm
Public/Private: Public
Reviewer's Rating: (5.0)
Review Length: 193 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]
I love your work. It's as simple as that. This is very well written and I would agree- it's ready to send the publisher. Good luck to you and I hope to hear from you that you are soon published

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#3. Review Of "In Passions Flame" (nw) [Rated: E]

Review By: illy (1)
Date and Time: 11-11-05 @ 7:41am
Public/Private: Private
Reviewer's Rating: (4.5)
Review Length: 508 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]
This is a very beautiful. It took me couple of times to read to get used to the idea of ''ye'', ''thee'' etc... :) But it doesn't bother me- it actually gives some kind of magic to the poem!:)
Keep up the good job!
Sincerely, Ilze
P.S. I have some items in my portfolio that I would like for you to review. If you have the time and the will you can review all of them, but mostly I want to hear your opinion on two of the latest works entitled "CLose" and "Dart". Thanks in advance!;)

My Feedback; My Received Reviews For
#1030458 - In Passions Flame
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Chapter One
The Beginning
Poem Three

Bed of Thorns

The Clichés drum upon my skull
Pounding pulse
Of rapid heart beat

“Choices of today
Limit Opportunities of Tomorrow”
As once again I fall to defeat

Though another directs the puppet strings
‘‘Twas I who decided to wear the Rings”

“Thy Bed
Thee have made
Now Ye Lie upon It”

And of Thorns it be...

Ripping to shreds thy Spirit
As Cold Tear Drops fall free

'Tis the price ye pay for thy needs
The walls close in upon thy seeds

Attempting to strangle all new growth
Blocking the green of leaf
From light and dark

Both

Stretch as far as ye can reach
And when ye feel ye can NO more

Bend a little then go for breach
To take that last inch for thy Door

Once ye have grasped thy Portal
At its very edge
Forget that thou art Mortal

Pull with empathic
Humane strength

From deep within
Thine own entire length

Ignore thy Bruises,
Wounds and searing pain
They will only keep thee to remain

Prisoner to their ruthless hold
Physical needs will grow thee old

Ye know that thy Spirit
Is of Light and Energy

Capable of the Shift

The Change

To this Blight
This Lethargy

Into thy ally or weapon of deceit
To conquer thy next enemy of conceit

Choose as thee know of
And for thine own Right

Chanting High Thy Wyrd
Deep into the Night

For upon this Path ye must follow
As ye sense & seek

Yet appears to be hollow
And cannot be seen

As the Power of Blue
Will Reveal unto You

This Dimension of Thy Maiden of Nine
A glimpse of Her Laws--Fragile Fine

With what ye know to define
Clearly drawn is the narrow line

Cross it
Leave Behind
What ye think thee need

For Earthbound
Choke ye will
On the weed

As it devours and consumes thy Soul
That which ye have done to sew

For ye do and always will come to reap
Thy earned rewards ‘tis what ye keep

Upon this Path of Freedom and Integrity
Dues to pay for Success, Life and Liberty

All Life Forces
Large and Small

From Astronomical to Microscopic
In the Nine of Three; One and All

Survive by Instinct
Innate Logic

Ye See
Ye Do
Ye Receive

All ye do In Folds of Three

As Ye Have
As Ye Shall
As Ye Do

Bring Harm to None
Would it be unto You

Then Ye Shall
Walk the Walk
Talk the Talk

And Live
To Give

Unconditional Love as only ‘tis it True
For the Warmth that dwells

Within the Light of Blue...

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REVIEWS RECEIVED FOR ITEM

#1. Review Of "Bed of Thorns" (nw) [Rated: E]

Review By: Rynon
Date and Time: 12-29-05 @ 7:52pm
Public/Private: Private
Reviewer's Rating: (4.5)
Review Length: 86 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]

Very great, I loved how you made it flow and the imagry was outstanding! It was great.
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#2. Review Of "Bed of Thorns" (nw) [Rated: E]

Review By: Pony Tale (23)
Date and Time: 12-29-05 @ 7:01pm
Public/Private: Private
Reviewer's Rating: (4.0)
Review Length: 648 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]

I found the format of this poem interesting. Not only because it is so unusual, but also because of its use to emphasize certain words and emotions.

The rhyme sheme is flowing and effecient.

I found only one hitch; I'm wondering if the apostrophe in the second word of this poem, cliche, is needed. If the drum belongs to the cliche, then, yes, it is needed, but if the word were meant to be used in plural, the apostrophe is not needed.

What do you think?

Anyway, keep writing so I, and others like myself, can continue to enjoy your unique talent.

Pony Tale
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#3. Review Of "Bed of Thorns" (nw) [Rated: E]

Review By: Lou-My Words For You (22)
Date and Time: 12-29-05 @ 4:04pm
Public/Private: Private
Reviewer's Rating: (5.0)
Review Length: 479 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]

A very well written piece.

I love the different sized lines and stanzas. They definately control the reader's eye, and pace of reading, and therefore absorption into my heart and mind.

Centering the entire piece really adds to it.

I love the feelings and sentiment that went into the poem.

I detected no spelling or grammar errors.

No suggestions for improvement.

Write ON!!!!

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#4. Review Of "Bed of Thorns" (nw) [Rated: E]

Review By: Dave (17)
Date and Time: 12-29-05 @ 2:52pm
Public/Private: Public
Reviewer's Rating: (4.5)
Review Length: 312 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]

This is a wonderful expression of deep truths. You have used the rhymes very well, and the piece flows well in spite of the use of some complex words, such as "astronomical" and "microscopic". Mr. Poe would be proud.

A copy editing issue: I believe the apostrophe in "Cliche's" is incorrect.
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#5. Review Of "Bed of Thorns" (nw) [Rated: E]

Review By: Lucie Lou (1)
Date and Time: 12-29-05 @ 1:55pm
Public/Private: Private
Reviewer's Rating: (5.0)
Review Length: 350 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]

This poem was amazing! It was remarkably written and had a great flow. The moral was very true and exeptional. You really did a good job at explaining the poem at the end and everything seemed to fit together. Your voice was very strong, and you made a poem that could have been cliche quiet different. It had perfect flavor!! Good job, keep writing!
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#6. Review Of "Bed of Thorns" (nw) [Rated: E]

Review By: grandmapenny (34)
Date and Time: 12-29-05 @ 12:22pm
Public/Private: Public
Reviewer's Rating: (4.5)
Review Length: 336 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]

I like the way this reads. It reads smoothly and I found no typos or misspelled words. However, there are some words capitalized in the middle of the lines that I don't think need to be capitalized.

I'm certainly not a pro when it comes to reading and reviewing poetry, but I like this.

Grandma Penny

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#7. Review Of "Bed of Thorns" (nw) [Rated: E]

Review By: m0rnings0ng (6)
Date and Time: 12-29-05 @ 11:12am
Public/Private: Private
Reviewer's Rating: (4.5)
Review Length: 432 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]

This reads nearly as a chant. I enjoyed it. My only challenge was that, at times, I was lost by what seemed two diverging thoughts. I was also confused about what the"Light of Blue" is, as well as who the Maiden of Nine is. However, if one simply lets go of trying to "figure the meaning" behind any given phrase and reads for the simple beauty of the words, then it is a masterpiece. Thank you for sharing it.
--m0rnings0ng
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#8. Review Of "Bed of Thorns" (nw) [Rated: E]

Review By: WINTERMYST (10)
Date and Time: 12-29-05 @ 10:00am
Public/Private: Private
Reviewer's Rating: (5.0)
Review Length: 307 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]

This is excellent. Well written and well versed. Your words have deep meaning and I can feel the emotion in them. This is worth sending in to some kind of contest. I think this would win. Unfortunately most people are not capable of unconditional love. I found that out after 20 years of marriage. Well Done
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#9. Review Of "Bed of Thorns" (nw) [Rated: E]

Review By: Mandik~onto the... (37)
Date and Time: 12-29-05 @ 9:49am
Public/Private: Public
Reviewer's Rating: (4.0)
Review Length: 362 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]

Very deep, and I like the Shakespearian feel to it.

The importance of worldly goods will many times be the downfall of many. I could empathize with your words as you pointed this out.

The addition of color (blue) and ML (italic) gave an other-worldly quality to this piece.

Happy New Year
Keep writing!
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#10. Review Of "Bed of Thorns" (nw) [Rated: E]

Review By: DOT (12)
Date and Time: 12-29-05 @ 6:55am
Public/Private: Private
Reviewer's Rating: (4.0)
Review Length: 418 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]

The song playing in the background is "Let it Snow, let it snow, let it snow" but when reading I cannot help thinking "let it go, let it go, let it go." Cliches aside it is only in the making of mistakes that one learns from them. No one said it was fair or done with ease. "It is not something to be told, it is something one must come to know, if one's to grow and not just old."
Keep it Blue.



My Feedback; My Received Reviews For
#1050823 - Bed of Thorns

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Chapter One
The Beginning
Poem Four

Birth of Change

Neon Signs
Rotting rinds

Fast food places
Even faster paces

Dim street lamps
Property stamps

Scarecrow trees
Worn faces appease

Chunks of mortar crumbling
From broken buildings

Calm before the storm
Rips all asunder in thorns

So began civilizations decline
Rising with no reason nor rhyme

Cold greed
Clutches need

Humanity amasses crowds
Clenching the bowels

At the center
Of Earth Mother

Can we see –

Birth
In the death

of this society?

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REVIEWS RECEIVED FOR ITEM

#1. Review Of "Birth of Change" (nw) [Rated: E]

Review By: Elijah Jones (24)
Date and Time: 11-20-05 @ 1:05am
Public/Private: Public
Reviewer's Rating: (4.0)
Review Length: 216 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]

Storms, thorns,
Greed, need;

Birth, mirth?

"Dim street lamps
Property stamps"

To write,
is right.

Thanks for sharing . . .


My Feedback; My Received Reviews For
#1030910 - Birth of Change
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Chapter One
The Beginning
Poem Five

Draw the Line of Time

Have you ever wondered why time
seems to mock ye in pantomime;
without thy reason or rhyme?
Souring life like a tart, overripe lime
almost patronizing ye in mime.

Ye might consider it a crime,
as ye bury thy integrity in the grime.
Blaming thy obscurity on the slime.
Yet, ye actually believe in thy prime;
that the divine is the silver dime.

The answer to thy steep, treacherous climb.

As ye approach thy destination ye find,
that thy obstacles are of hard, cold Lyme!
Then suddenly ye realize that all the overtime
will continue to ring, clang and chime;
to only thine own lonely paradigm.

For ye have not scented or smelled the thyme
and rosemary that spoke to thee in the sublime.
Dragon Speak lost to heat that activates the enzyme...
As twas ye who chose not to see the drawn line
of a world moving on without thee like a good wine

as time...

Author's Note: This was written to a rhyming challenge. All the words on the end of each line was one of the words I had to use in the pen. "enzyme" was the bonus word.

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REVIEWS RECEIVED FOR ITEM

#1. Review Of "Draw the Line of Time" (nw) [Rated: E]

Review By: Aurora (3)
Date and Time: 04-22-06 @ 11:00am
Public/Private: Public
Reviewer's Rating: (4.0)
Review Length: 187 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]

Very well done. I am curious as to how you placed in the challenge.
I look forward to reading more of your work as time permits.

Keep writing.

Aurora
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#2. Review Of "Draw the Line of Time" (nw) [Rated: E]

Review By: Lorelei (1)
Date and Time: 04-06-06 @ 3:44am
Public/Private: Public
Reviewer's Rating: (5.0)
Review Length: 309 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]


Wow! This is agreat poem! I really admire you for choosing to write it in this form which can be really hard to handle sometimes, but you have really suceeded wonderfully...

Few modern poets have tried their hand at old forms of verse and suceeded...

Great work!
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#3. Review Of "Draw the Line of Time" (nw) [Rated: E]

Review By: akaXxander (6)
Date and Time: 04-06-06 @ 1:38am
Public/Private: Private
Reviewer's Rating: (3.5)
Review Length: 319 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]

very interesting it was good but not a great poem it sounded almost contrite like you were trying to hard what you wanted to say did get across but at what expense the ability to put words into rhyme should never take away from the poem itself and thats what i believe happened here but otherwise ood poem keep writing


My Feedback; My Received Reviews For
#1059060 - Draw the Line of Time
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