The Time Without

Chapter Two - The Trip to No Where

Author's Note: Due to some reviewers posting rude comments or obviously reviewing for gps, I have posted my own reviews of their review. Caution; as some of them have a bit of strong language and may seem a bit negative, but not any more so than the review itself.


Chapter Two
The Trip to No Where
Poem Six

Forget – Me – Not

The pentacle
A spectacle
Of Blue within the light
Deep into the night
Making no sound
Yet very loud
Around
With aura outreaching
Without speaking
Says to thee
A rhyme of three
A riddle to compose
Like petals of a rose
Soft velvet
With prickly thorns
To reveal
An inner force born
Of a dream
Please don’t scream
Or be afraid
For upon ye has been laid
A powerful thought
Of forget-me-not

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REVIEWS

#1. Review Of "Forget-Me-Not" (nw) [Rated: E]

Review By: Suze married lady (41)
Date and Time: 11-13-05 @ 3:26pm
Public/Private: Public
Reviewer's Rating: (5.0)
Review Length: 749 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]

Bravo!

I thought this was well written all the way. Good job. You led me through the poem with interest and then gave me the fulfillment I sought- I am a happy reader.

I look forward to reading more of your work in the future. Good poem.

So many times- a poet will forget to use the LIKE word and it is so important in drawing the reader into the writer's mind. There has to be a connection so that words aren't sitting next to words. Concepts are hard to share --unless you connect the concepts together. You're use of Like petals of a soft rose was all it took to keep into the poem and explain what I needed to know to understand and appreciate the poem.

Good Job


#2. Review Of "Forget-Me-Not" (nw) [Rated: E]

Review By: tammy (85)
Date and Time: 11-11-05 @ 11:47pm
Public/Private: Public
Reviewer's Rating: (4.5)
Review Length: 330 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]

Great poem, I like how you sum this up at the end...while using your title! Thanks for entering ID: 962569 (Rated: 18+)
Title: My Weekly Contest~Poetry's Prism
Description: A weekly contest thats all about poetry.
By: tammy (85)
and good luck.

My favorite lines:
'With aura outreaching
Without speaking
Says to thee
A rhyme of three '

Keep writing.
Always, Tammy

#3. Review Of "Forget-Me-Not" (nw) [Rated: E]

Review By: illy (1)
Date and Time: 11-11-05 @ 7:44am
Public/Private: Private
Reviewer's Rating: (4.5)
Review Length: 25 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]

Very original and nice!:)


My Feedback; My Received Reviews For
#1017190 - Forget-Me-Not
-----------------------------------------------------

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chapter Two
The Trip to No Where
Poem Seven

Essence of Defiance

Abuse
A ruse

Of contempt
From an inept
Ability to realize
Self-belief in size

So they tried to make me small
Raped my body, mind and spirit
Wanting me to crawl
And beg for them to steal it

But that strength of soul
As little did they know

That I could be bent
But never broken
And they could never ferment
Their madness open

And thief from me
The inner light to see
Beyond to what is right
In darkness and in light

But they must earn
The sight within and learn

Their own path of truth
Where honor meets integrity
In age and in youth
Balanced in diversity

They won the battle
I won the war!

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REVIEWS

On 01/22/2006 at 12:20:23, teffom wrote:

... From the Writing.Com Review and Comment System ...

You have just received the following public comment/review about "Essence of Defiance"
#1030915

From: T.Teffom (20)

ESSENCE OF DEFIANCE from the pen of poet, Dragon Blue is offered on Auto Rewards, p. 5. A click away from an unruly subject which in essence does present a questionable look see at falling into both reading about: "Abuse ... A ruse" with little to go by in the intro. Best in all you do in 2006, Dragon.

THE SUGGESTION: Perhaps prepare readers before they open this one, hon.

Cordially,

Sig from Esprit
Character Count: 456
Rating included: 3.0 stars


My Review of the Review (that I did email in return to her comments): Gee, I am sorry that abuse offends you. It offended me. Many times over, all of my life. Shall I and others like me continue to hide this; what did you call it; "unruly subject which in essence does present a questionable look see", which is WHY IT CONTINUES TO HAPPEN TO CHILDREN AND WOMEN ON A DAILY BASIS right here in our very own precious little country? NO. I think not!

If you had ever been abused, especially as a child, you would not have replied in the haughty tone you did. The first line of this poem told you exactly what it was about. If you did not want to read on, why did you? And did you write enough in your condescending lecture to get the gift points offered? I am sure you did.

See, it's all part of the healing from abuse. Writing about it. Talking about it. Confronting your abuser. It's no longer my "dirty little secret" or an "unruly subject". It's a very sad fact that happens all too often, BECAUSE NO ONE WANTS TO TALK ABOUT IT!

Have a great day, and please don't bother to visit my portfolio again, because your 'abuse' I will not tolerate.

Blessed Be!
)O(
DragonBlue
*******************************************************

#1. Review Of "Essence of Defiance" (nw) [Rated: E]

Review By: LeJenD - of WDC... (4)
Date and Time: 05-15-06 @ 1:00pm
Public/Private: Public
Reviewer's Rating: (5.0)
Review Length: 82 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]

This is great. Thank you for sharing this wonderful poem with us all here on WDC!

#2. Review Of "Essence of Defiance" (nw) [Rated: E]
Review By: Botr revising (7)
Date and Time: 02-07-06 @ 5:44am
Public/Private: Private
Reviewer's Rating: (4.0)
Review Length: 438 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]

Hello DragonBlue (5)

How very true, we all need to bend in the breeze and not allow anyone to break our spirits. We grow stronger with experience; even when some are things we did not want to know. Karma, some call it. But we each and all have our own paths to follow and that is what makes us all individuals and what makes us able to empathise with other peoples experience.

BOTR

#3. Review Of "Essence of Defiance" (nw) [Rated: E]

Review By: DB graduates Sunday (38)
Date and Time: 01-20-06 @ 9:55pm
Public/Private: Private
Reviewer's Rating: (5.0)
Review Length: 558 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]

Beautiful. And perfect. Beautifully perfect, I would say. I got little goosebumps at the end. I think my favorite part is right in the beginning. "Abuse / A ruse / Of contempt / From an inept / Ability to realize / Self-belief in size..." Very nicely worded and formatted. I really liked the formatting of this poem in general. Overall this is an excellent poem! Well done!

~~Image #1058501 Sharing Restricted~~ ~~Image #1058504 Sharing Restricted~~ ~~Image #1058505 Sharing Restricted~~ {i mage:1058503}

ID: 1044571 (Rated: E)
Title: Believer's Complete Port Raid Raffle
Description: Buy a ticket, win a COMPLETE port raid and Gift Points! Closed. Winners Posted!
By: DB graduates Sunday (38)

"Believer's Charity Auction"
"SFWG's Charity Of Reviews"

#4. Review Of "Essence of Defiance" (nw) [Rated: E]

Review By: InHisArms (31)
Date and Time: 11-08-05 @ 10:58pm
Public/Private: Private
Reviewer's Rating: (4.5)
Review Length: 138 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]

This is very deep, and I'm sure there is more to it than you have written. There is sadness in each line.

InHisArms, Dawn

My Feedback; My Received Reviews For
#1030915 - Essence of Defiance
-----------------------------------------------------

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chapter Two
The Trip to No Where
Poem Eight

One Question

Why Was I Born?
Only to mourn?
In shame and loneliness as a child.
My inner self; caged and stifled.

So perverse their lust.
To betray the fragile trust,
of one so young-
left tightly strung.

To struggle in this spider's web;
in the dark and barren was I kept.
Only to lose my youth and strength.
Nightmare, asleep and awake at length.

An empty shell of the vital being,
I once was - now bound and bleeding.

Why was I born?
Thoughts ever more...

In turmoil to justify my right to be?
Fighting within for peace and dignity.
Juggling Father Time and Mother Clock.
To have opportunity finally knock...

Only to walk away.
Then and today.

Giving all for the sake of what?
(No, I will not shut up)
For through this violent storm;
I need to know why I was born!

Why am I alive - but not?
Every day a battle fought,
between my Spirit - my Soul.
I really do need to know.

Please!
Just tell me -

Must I go on another day?
Finding nothing more to say.
Will I ever know,
Above and Below?

Amidst this scorn,
why I was born.

What is there left to believe in?
What prize does this life really win?
What has faith done but dessert its worth?
In my short time upon this earth.

What joy is left to those who wander?
Knowledge abused and love to squander.
Where is home and...
The slight of hand?

As it should,
Be but good?
Not here--
it is mere...

Sorrow as desolate and afraid,
the madness of dues are paid.
The wisdom comforts me NOT!
Tranquility gone I had sought.

Why was I born?
My inner child torn.

This isolation so profound;
For No sound-

Can I hear.
No sight is clear.
All is but a bleary mirror,
from time tarnished with tears.

What once was an open door -
Is now a safe of steel to bore.
Hiding the worn and-
Broken within its land.

What once was beautiful and true;
no longer surrounds you.

Now all is atrocious -a lie!
The monster to defy,
the demon.
Alone a'scream'n,

that can never be heard alive.
What is it that they so contrived?
Why is this so?
Where is the soaring spirit I used to know?

The questioning, trusting child;
with joyful disposition friendly and mild?

What happened to that fierce wholesome soul?
That tried so hard - Where did I go?

Oh PLEASE!
Just tell me--

Why was I Born?

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REVIEWS

#1. Review Of "One Question" (nw) [Rated: E]
Review By: Andrea (84)
Date and Time: 02-14-06 @ 3:09am
Public/Private: Private
Reviewer's Rating: (2.5)
Review Length: 882 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]

Good work, emotionally written once again.

Some suggestions:-
If you put this in some genres you will receive more views off people searching the genre listings.

"In shame and loneliness as a child.
My inner self; caged and stifled." - child / stifled weak rhyme, consider revising.

Dont think so. I like it just the way it is.

You start rhyming, then stop, then start again. Try and make the rhyme scheme consistant. no, I don't. You do not know how to pronounce the words.

You capitalise the first letter of some lines and not others, regardless of punctuation. Make consistant, one way or the other. this is not formal poetry, it is prose. I capitalize words to emphasize the meaning of the line in the stanza. Once again, no you are wrong

"To struggle in this spiders web;" - spider's thank you.

"in the dark and barren was I kept." - barren what?
in all things barren

You do not need punctuation at the end of every line - it will flow better if you use it only where it would naturally be in sentences.

only your opinion.. and personally I do not think you even read the pen or you would not have made the comments you did. You did this review for the gp's only and it drips from every word you say. Your rating of 2.5 is bs..but as it is only your opinion, I will take it with a grain of salt and ignore it. Try to be a bit more negative and condencending next time and see if you can really review. Keep reviewing, you might get good at it.

#2. Review Of "One Question" (nw) [Rated: E]

Review By: Deborah Owen (5)
Date and Time: 02-13-06 @ 10:14pm
Public/Private: Private
Reviewer's Rating: (5.0)
Review Length: 964 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]

1. In a nightmare, asleep and awake.
(for purposes of rhyme, I think you probably meant to write this backwards, awake and asleep)
2. So perverse their lust.
To betray the fragile trust (Who is this speaking of?)
ones who should never betray your trust...

This is beautiful and you are not the only one asking this question. Indeed, I asked it for many years until I found the answer, and when I found the answer, and even knew it WAS the answer, I didn't want it. There was a price to be paid, and I didn't want to pay it. The price was my free will. The Bible says that we are
"created by and for His good pleasure." Not just to look at us, but for Him to actually live inside us and live our life out with His will and not ours. But to do that, there is one price to pay... give up your free will and give it all to Him, and you will have what you have always sought. My only regret is that I didn't do it much sooner. God bless.

Deborah
thank you, Deborah. Your input is very much appreciated. May the Goddess Bless you...


#3. Review Of "One Question" (nw) [Rated: E]

Review By: Winnie Got A Job ! (40)
Date and Time: 01-31-06 @ 11:51am
Public/Private: Public
Reviewer's Rating: (5.0)
Review Length: 687 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]

Hi again!

Overall

I like this one better! It's great! Well written, it kept me reading from beginning to an end, and also it was written with such words, that they make you feel every single line of it. The questions, it's repetition, it makes it strong, and that ending is GREAT! Love it!

Spelling

Did my best, and didn't found spelling errors. Well done!

Title/Description

Good choices for both of them! Well done!

Keep on writing, and take care!
Winnie

thank you.

My Feedback; My Received Reviews For
#1060156 - One Question
-----------------------------------------------------

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chapter Two
The Trip to No Where
Poem Nine

Say What?

Today -
I would like to say;
What is really on my mind.
So that we can find,

Peace and harmony.
In folds of three.

Medicated I am numb.
To joy, pain I am dumb.
Where before in extreme;
My emotions screamed,

My passion is still a flame.
For my beliefs remain,
Surrounded by hostility.
I balance my polarity.

A warrior's path;
After the math,
Is to defeat but not--
To annihilate foes fought.

Complete in synergy,
Become positive energy.

'Tis what I had to say.

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REVIEWS

#1. Review Of "Say What?" (nw) [Rated: E]

Review By: Andrea (84)
Date and Time: 02-14-06 @ 2:51am
Public/Private: Private
Reviewer's Rating: (3.5)
Review Length: 397 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]

Good work, descriptively written.

Some suggestions:-
You do not need punctuation at the end of every line. Try to use it only where it would naturally be in sentences. only your opinion once again..

the comma in the line below was used for the reader to pause, that is what a comma meant when I went to school..
"To joy, pain I am dumb." - To joy and pain I am dumb.

"Is to defeat but not--
To annihilate foes fought." - not / fought weak rhyme, consider revising. no, thank you. I like this rhyme just the way it is. how is this a weak rhyme? same vowel sounds, same end constenant. may be you dont know how to pronounce them? Keep reviewing you may get good some day. Could you add a little more negativity to your reiview next time? it might be worth reading then.

#2. Review Of "Say What?" (nw) [Rated: E]

Review By: Coreen*s Place (2)
Date and Time: 02-11-06 @ 2:17pm
Public/Private: Public
Reviewer's Rating: (3.5)
Review Length: 577 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]

A very nice poem but you are not really getting down to it if you ask me. What are you being medicated for and what brought on your illness?
I am not describing the illness, I am describing the medication and the reactions to this medication
@hat emotions are being numbed and what does math have to do with it? becasue when you SUM it all up, synergy in harmony are the only way to go.

It seems a pity to go through such a strenuous part of life and not to be able to make a real passionate poem about it. Frankly my dear, it is none of your f'n business. You want dirty laundry, get it in some one elses port..And believe me, all of my pens are full of passion. You just do not have enough depth to feel them.
Why don't you pour yourself out and let us all hear about it. Why don't you shove it up your ass. thank you.
Use some concrete images and tell us what it is you are suffering from. Is it Schizophrenia or depression or anxiety. Then give us some visual ques as to what this is all about. once again, honey, if you can't figure it out, I am not going to explain it to you. Don't let the door hit ya; where the Goddess split ya!

#3. Review Of "Say What?" (nw) [Rated: E]

Review By: T.Teffom (20)
Date and Time: 02-10-06 @ 10:15am
Public/Private: Public
Reviewer's Rating: (4.0)
Review Length: 541 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]



<> <> FEB 10, 2K6

Dear DragonBlue,

Your item post: SAY WHAT? delivers a message that meets the intro of:

"My reaction" to a "diagnosis."

Favorite line: "My passion is still a flame" which fits perfectly where placed.

Good rhymes throughout while pertinent information meets genre and intro.

Keep 'em coming, kiddo. Nice work.

Cordially,

thank you.

#4. Review Of "Say What?" (nw) [Rated: E]

Review By: Agnie (35)
Date and Time: 02-09-06 @ 12:14pm
Public/Private: Private
Reviewer's Rating: (4.0)
Review Length: 771 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]

DragonBlue (5) ,

I found is a very powerful poem. I really like your use of words. The way you tell what is on your mind leaves a lot unsaid, but that is a good thing - it leaves the reader something to think about without being too vague. Your poem expresses the feeling without telling the reader how to interpret it - the way it should be. The rhymes are superb - and I mean it! - after months of reading night-bright and forever-together, I really don't praise rhymes that don't quite deserve it

The punctuation could be improved in a few places; you have a few unnecessary commas. Please let me know if you're interested in a punctuation edit and I'll write to you again then.

Agnie
thank you for your input, for it was truely valuable.


#5. Review Of "Say What?" (nw) [Rated: E]

Review By: Deborah Owen (5)
Date and Time: 02-08-06 @ 11:42pm
Public/Private: Private
Reviewer's Rating: (5.0)
Review Length: 125 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]

Bravo! I like this very much! Very creative, has depth, flow and meaning. One of the best I've read.

Deborah

thank you.


#6. Review Of "Say What?" (nw) [Rated: E]

Review By: Lucie Lou (1)
Date and Time: 02-04-06 @ 5:31pm
Public/Private: Private
Reviewer's Rating: (3.5)
Review Length: 368 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]

This was a cute cute does not even come close to what this is about.
poem and I like what you had to say. but you do not even have a clue as to what that really was.
I like the way you ryhmed and I enjoyed the way the words made the poem seem fast paced. Still, I think the true meaning of the poem was a little unclear. The rythm was a little scetchy, and there were places that it didn't seem to flow. Overall, it was a good poem. You just wrote 368 characters, contradicting yourself from the first word to the last, and did not say a damn thing...depth is not always a visual perception.

My Feedback; My Received Reviews For
#1066654 - Say What?
-----------------------------------------------------

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chapter Two
The Trip to No Where
Poem Ten

Voices Seldom Heard

The cries of the hungry,
The homeless in the street.
The children who can never say,
Why their eyes tear up that way.
This Earth’s people grow so cold;
With jealous greed and lonely gold.
I hear their voices,
Those with no choices.
Deep into the night;
Where nothing goes right.
Sadness resides in abundance;
Repeating waves in redundance.
This I chant-
For those who can’t…
“Though tears of despair fall from my eyes,
I wish to comfort thee this night.
The darkness may seem long;
So this Blue Dragon shall sing a song,
To release thee from thy pain.
No longer will thy heart be bloodstained.
For within the Light of Blue,
Mine own spirit bleeds for you.”

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REVIEWS

#1. Review Of "Voices Seldom Heard" (nw) [Rated: E]
Review By: The Grey (2)
Date and Time: 05-18-06 @ 9:21am
Public/Private: Private
Reviewer's Rating: (4.0)
Review Length: 517 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]

Interesting...
There is power placed well in this poem. And it's meter and rhyme are things I enjoyed quite well of it. The sympathy held in it brings up images of the broken to mind...and I guess that's what made the power real for me.
I do wish although that the resolution of the poem could seem just a little bit more elaborate. It seems it cut off into a stop with a cause that wasn't explained just yet.
However that really didn't really hinder the enjoyment of the read that much at all.
the cause will always be ongoing...and all I can do is try to take their pain upon myself so they no longer feel it....

#2. Review Of "Voices Seldom Heard" (nw) [Rated: E]

Review By: macbeth (16)
Date and Time: 05-18-06 @ 8:05am
Public/Private: Private
Reviewer's Rating: (4.5)
Review Length: 299 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]

There are some who cannot live without their pain for it gives meaning to their existence and lets them know that they're still alive. To the others that have no choice but to hold their pain it must seem like torture beyond enduring. You have somehow captured that endurance.
keep releasing

thank you.


My Feedback; My Received Reviews For
#1103310 - Voices Seldom Heard