My Life on a Plate

The Joys Of Aging

With little to report and apologies to those who may already have seen the following, I'll just quote a few funnies regarding the serious business of aging.

I. I've sure gotten old. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half-blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take forty different medications that make me dizzy, winded and subject to blackouts. I have bouts of dementia and poor circulation when I can hardly feel my hands and feet. I can't remember if I'm 85 or 92 and I've lost all my friends. But thank God, I still have my driver's license.

2. Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman asked her what was the best thing about being 104.

She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'

3. The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

4. An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated and second, she wanted her ashes scattered at Walmart.

'Walmart?' the preacher exclaimed.' Why Walmart?'

'Then I'll be sure my kids visit me twice a week.'

5. My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

And remember - You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop laughing.

GAWD, that probably makes me about 174.