My Life on a Plate

Blockages

I was anticipating a lie in after yesterday's early start. But at the crack of nine this morning our telephone blasted us from sleep. It was my mother, informing us she thought she had a 'stoppage' and may need to go to hospital.

Now one thing you need or may not need to know about my mother is she has a thing about bodily functions. No one else is allowed to have any and her own must behave at all costs. Irregular toilet habits will not be tolerated, so panic tends to set in if there's the slightest hint of delay. You may think she has a rather cruel daughter who posts this sort of information on the internet, but it's not as if you're likely to bump into her in the street and even if you did I know you're all tactful enough not to ask about her bowel movements.

Of course, it had to be a Sunday when her system decides to misbehave and all shops and pharmacists are closed. So, we spent the morning yelling down the phone to hubby's 91 year-old mother who's a little hard of hearing, enquiring if she had any suitable medication to pass on to the other mother in distress. Elderly ladies tend to keep in a stock of suitable cures for all ills when they live alone. We then fetched the appropriate laxatives and fibre gels and delivered them to my parent's house.

It was a very subdued jigsaw session this afternoon and no sign yet of any activity from mother's sluggish intestines. How we'll cope if they haven't obliged by tomorrow I don't know, but I'm sure you've heard enough of this crap. Ooops bad phraseology there.

While I was doing a few jobs in their kitchen I noticed some patches of dried blood on the floor. After enquiring, I discovered mother was in such a hurry to take down her England flags from the window last night, she stood on a chair and then toppled off, cutting her ankle and further bruising her damaged ego.

GAWD, I thought looking after kids was bad enough, but these geriatrics can run rings round them.

Anyway, thanks to lethomson for the great merit badge and to alfred booth, wanbli ska for taking time to read and review some of my stories. It's been a long time since I received any number of positive reviews and it certainly gave me a lift. Check out his blog if you have time; it's a good one.

Time to crack open a can I believe - only for dehydration purposes you understand.