Ten-Finger Exercises

Too noisy to write

Bill is a little hard of hearing, and consequently the tv is often too loud for me. Sometimes it hurts. Tonight it's just annoying. I could go in the other room, but it's the finals of America's Got Talent, and it's fun to watch. What a strange assortment of acts, and some are terrific! In addition to singers and dancers, there's a "professional snapper" who makes music with the snaps his fingers, a couple who change costumes behind a swirl of a cape or an armful of confetti, magicians and jugglers of all sorts, a girl who yodels, about anything you can imagine plus some.
The quick change artists are the most amazing, even though it's a strange thing to call a talent. Not only how do they do it right in front of your eyes, but where the other clothes go--the costumes they walk off on aren't voluminous.

I said I had to “diamond” hair the other day, and when I was doing it, I had a strange thought. I was mixing the colors to my idea of what shade my hair partly still is (and really used to be, maybe.) I start with a light brown and then add auburn, so that I won’t be floozy red or henna or the color of a vinyl wig. Then, not always having enough brown, or thinking it was a bit too dark a brown last time, I put in a little ‘lightest brown’ or ‘darkest blond’ to top the mixture off. That’s probably all foolishness, but it works for me to get me a color that feels natural.

Today it made me think of something so totally different I had to laugh. When, as a deacon, I set the “table” (altar) for communion, I put the chalice on the corporal and fill it part way with wine. (The chalice, not the corporal. Whoa, what the altar guild would do to me if I filled the corporal! It’s the linen square that goes on top of the fair linen that covers the altar. I’m throwing these words in just in case you ever have a need for them in some cathedral mystery story.)

When I’ve partially filled the chalice with wine from the silver cruet, I add a splash (there’s probably a correct term for that too!) of water to both the chalice and the remaining wine in the cruet. (That signifies the water and the blood that flowed from Jesus’s side.) Then I put the wafers, or “hosts,” on the patten (the small plate,) with the priest’s host on top.

Then the priest, after the ablutions, (where the acolyte ritually pours water over the priest’s fingers,) comes over and slightly rearranges everything I’ve done. Moves the service book stand a little more to the right; the chalice a little more to the left; the patten farther forward; pushes the pile of hosts in a little more to the center of the patten, like fluffing up a pillow. Then it’s done. It has his personal stamp and he can continue.

When he first came here and went through his meticulous tidying, I was a little insulted. Then I thought it was funny. Now it's just the way he is, and it's okay.

I embarrassed myself today, and haven't quite gotten over it, although I know I will. I read the wrong gospel during the service. It's the one for next week. I hope somebody needed to hear it today instead.