Catching Idle Butterflies

Talk is not so cheap

WARNING! Long entry ahead! Grab your drink of choice, and get comfy. It’s the law. Should you fail to observe this law, you will be pulled over and fined a chocolate chip cookie.

My parents moved up here from Colorado in August. It’s been a rocky move for them, causing to start my mom having a panic attack after only a few days here (See "The Terror of Terror" ). Ever since then, the transition has smoothed for her, to the point I’ve never seen her happier or more content.

Tom, my step dad, however, is struggling. Mom purchased the house and property without discussing it with Tom first. That put him in an untenable situation. He’s lived in Colorado for most of his life. That’s where is work and all his friends are.

Now, suddenly, without having a say in the matter he’s living up here, with no friends and no work.

He hates it here.

So he’s left with a choice: he can remain here and be miserable, or move back to Colorado and also be miserable. Not only does he love his wife, but he wants to be near her because of her health (long story).

He went back to Colorado, but he ended up having to stay with my sister and his husband’s home. It was either that or end up in the hospital. That’s how depressed he is. He has gone to a doctor and is on anti-depressants, but even so, it doesn’t change his situation.

He needs answers, so badly he asked both Dave and I what he should do. Neither one of us could tell him. It’s his life, it’s his decision. Because he feels so desperately lost, he cries all the time, so hard he burst blood vessels in his eyes.

Mom isn’t helping any. Tom, I think, would love for Mom to tell him, “I want you to stay.” But she isn’t even doing that. I think she fully expects him to leave her, for good. After all, “Tom left me once.” (Another long story). She doesn’t trust him, and is completely unwilling to show him her heart out of terror he’ll only stomp on it. Makes for a lovely marriage, don’t you think? But that’s a bit off subject.

I’ve been concerned enough for Tom, I’ve asked everyone in my Disciple class to pray for him for the last three weeks.

Only yesterday did I see a glimpse of hope.

Dave’s been a terrific help, taking Tom to his uncle’s farm to work on equipment for the last two days. Tom’s trade is welding and manufacturing. He’s great at it, having owned his own welding company for 35 years, and loves it. One reason he hates it here is he’s afraid of not finding any work, and he’ll get bored. He defines his life and his happiness by the work of his hands.

Yesterday was the happiest I’ve seen him since August.

Last Sunday at church I had this strong urge to invite Tom to come with me sometime. I remembered something God taught me a few months ago. Happiness doesn’t have to depend on a person’s circumstances, but in the hope and mercy of Jesus’ love. I realized if Tom came to Christ, then perhaps his depression will loosen its hold, and he’ll be able to see the positives in his life, and not just the negatives.

When Mom was admitted to the emergency room, the admission’s nurse asked Tom his religion. His answer was “Heathen.” How, then, could I broach the subject of God, and even worse, church?

Turns out I didn’t have to.

Tom spent a few hours at our house looking up welding equipment prices on eBay with Dave. Not remotely interested, I spent my time on my own computer creating graphics and reading emails.

I then heard Tom say, “That was my epiphany, where it couldn’t have been an accident. But I didn’t do anything with it.”

I decided to shut my computer down and pay attention.

Dave then told a story of his own epiphany about God:

I was just a kid. We (his parents and 4 siblings) came up to North Dakota for a month. Living in Arizona most of my life, water and fishing fascinated me. One day I took a walk down to the creek near Grandma’s house. In a deep pool, I saw tons of carp. How I wanted to fish that pool! I ran back and asked my uncle’s to take me.

They refused, saying they’d take me on another day.

The next day, we had to go to Bismarck. Mark, being the oldest boy got to stay. While I was in Bismarck shopping with my folks, Uncle Ben and Mark went down to that pool and killed every single fish in that pond.

When I came back and they told me what they did, I ran back to the creek to see if they indeed killed every fish.

They did.

I walked back along the gravel road back to Grandma’s house so disappointed, I thought, “There is no God. He can’t exist.”

I heard a car coming by and I thought, “Actually, if God does exist, I bet when that car comes by it’ll shoot up a rock and hit me in the back of the head.”

Thwack!

That rock hit hard! It hurt! I even had a bruise that lasted a few days. But all I could do was laugh. I knew God must exist at that point, and he had a sense of humor.

Tom laughed but said, “Yeah, but I didn’t do anything with my epiphany. I’m too late.”

Dave said, “I don’t know what it’s like to be a father. You do. I can’t imagine any father turning away his daughter if she comes to him after not speaking to him for twenty years.”

Tom glanced at me and said, “That’s true.”

“One thing about God I’ve found," I said, "is he’s extremely patient. He has to be. You may not have done anything about your epiphany then, but that doesn't mean you can't do anything about it now.”

I then said, “You know, Tom, I go to church every Sunday at 9:30. You’re always welcome, and I’d love for you to go with me.”

He nodded, not making any promises.

Whether he accepts the invitation or not doesn’t matter to me, though. He’s seeking God now, and wherever he finds him doesn’t matter in the slightest.

This was my hope. While it’s painful to watch someone I love so dearly walk through a dark and dismal valley, I always hope they’ll come out stronger, wiser, and full of hope and joy. As my pastor likes to say, it’s in the valleys where everything grows, not the tops of the mountains. This is Tom’s opportunity to really grow close to God, and answer a prayer I’ve been praying for many, many years.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted;
         he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” ~ Psalm 34:18