Each Day Already is a Challenge

I can't believe it's been sooooooooo long!

Yikes. I wonder if I can remember everything that has happend since I last wrote something here.

I took Derek to the airport in Dayton on Tuesday, Nov. 7, and continued driving north. He was going to visit his girl friend in Memphis for her 21st birthday. My destination was Rapid City, MI - in northern Michigan. That's where my sister lives, and where my Mom now resides as well - in an assisted living center.

What fun I had with my (baby) sister and her family. Karen is now 41, but she'll always be the baby.

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On Wednesday, Karen picked up Mom and told her there was a surprise back at her house. I was pleased that my mom knew who I was. We went to lunch, and that was an adventure. Mom claimed she had no appetite, then ate like she hadn't had a meal in days. Even so, she couldn't finish her cheeseburger, so she wrapped up half of it and put it in her purse.

We sent back to Karen's after eating, and Mom was restless. She kept asking what we were going to do next. Finally, after she had asked that about a gazillion times, I reminded her that when she was ready, we'd take her back to her home. She said she was ready.

We took Mom back to the home, and as we drove up she said, "Do I live here?" (She has been there for nine months.)

Once inside, Karen asked Mom to show me her room. With the help of signs on the bedroom doors, she was able to find her room. But she stood in the middle of it saying, with amazement in her voice, "All of my things are here. Look! My clothes are in the closet. I have so many clothes. Look! My handsome Harry's pictures are on the shelf. I lost my handsome Harry, you know." Of course we knew. Dad passed away in August, 2005 and Mom's mental switch seemed to turn off completely when he died. Before that, she was getting forgetful. After he died, she changed dramatically.

Karen asked Mom to show us the puzzle she was working on when Karen arrived to pick her up. In the community room, there were a bunch of men watching Lingo on the TV. One, who cannot speak, gestured to my sister that he and Mom (and no one else) do puzzles together. His eyes twinkled as he explained this to Karen with his hands. (No, he doesn't use sign language, just gestures. Karen was always good at playing charades.)

Mom listened to Karen interrpret the man's hand gestures and commented, "That man must be my friend."

"Yes, Mom, he must be your friend. You do puzzles together."

As we started to say our good-byes, Mom ran and got her purse. "Are we going to eat now?" she asked.

"No, Mom, we already ate. Remember? You have half of your cheeseburger in your purse. You need to take that to the kitchen and ask someone to put it in the refrigerator for you."

"No, I'm going to eat it for dinner."

"They're fixing dinner for you, Mom."

"They are? How nice."

Later in the week, the staff at the home told Karen they had found the cheeseburger in Mom's dresser drawer.

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On Thursday, Karen and I drove to see our other sister, Carol in Midland, MI. She just divorced her husband of 26 years. Seems he had cheated on her for most of those years. His present girl friend has been in his life for the last 7 years.

Carol is just devastated. We were there to offer some comfort, but also to go through some of Mom and Dad's things.

We found pictures that none of us had ever seen before. We shared Dad's Seabee's pins and Sheet Metal Worker pins. We discovered that Dad had 3 Bibles, so we each took one of those. We do have a brother, but he chooses to be homeless and at this point we really don't know where (in Pittsburgh) he's staying. We did put aside a few things to send to his children.

I came away with a very special hat of my father's. It's a Steeler's knit cap. He wore it every time he sat watching a Steeler's game. Attached to it are old Steeler buttons, a miniature "terrible towel", and a ticket stub from one of the Super Bowls he attended in the 70's. What a treasure. I could probably sell that hat on e-Bay and make some money. But the true value is in the memories.

Karen and I spent the night at Carols, then headed back to Rapid City on Friday morning.

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On Friday afternoon, our cousin Ed came to visit with us and Mom. He had not seem Mom since he lived with my parents for a few months in about 2002.

Karen brought Mom to her house for another surprise. She remembered Ed too. But her comments were much the same as they had been on Wednesday. Cousin Ed did discover that Mom's memory of music and lyrics is better than life moments.

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On Saturday, Karen and her two daughters and I went on a "shop til you drop" trip. In fact, at the last two stops, I stayed in the car. We must have shopped for 6 or 7 hours. Well...they shopped. I just tagged along.

It snowed on Friday and Saturday nights, but it wasn't cold enough to stay on the streets, thankfully.

On Sunday, Karen continued her demolition project. She had been tearing down walls before I arrived, and she continued that as soon as everyone was awake on Sunday.

I left northern Michigan in the early afternoon on Sunday. I was truly thankful that after traveling about 20 miles down the highway, the sun shone brightly. After another 10 miles or so, there was not even any evidence of snow on the grass beside the road.

I was able to take my time heading on back to Ohio. Derek's flight didn't arrive until almost 11 p.m. We arrived back home probably close to 2 a.m. on Monday.

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I had not seen my mother since my dad died about 15 months ago. I'm glad I made the trip, since I don't know when I'll get back to see Mom again. She may not remember that I was there, but I know.