My Life on a Plate

Analyse That

Do you have a recurring dream? Do you think it has any meaning? Can you take any messages from it? As long as I've been old enough to carry a handbag (purse to you lot) I've had a dream that's had more re-runs than The Wizard of Oz.

I have never lost, mislaid or had a handbag stolen in my life, so why on earth I dream so frequently about losing my handbag I don't know, I frantically dash around, retracing my steps in search of the lost bag and nine times out of ten I either find it or wake up in a panic, then feel relieved it was just a dream. It's obvious it's an anxiety dream and I've had far worse ones, like the time I put my sister in the washing machine, but the handbag one is so bloody repetitive.

Last night I had the mother of all handbag dreams. Not only was the main character my best red bag from Sardinia which left me in need of remortgaging the house on return, but this time the ending was tragic. For some reason I was back at college somewhere in Italy of all places and my bag had been stolen. A shame really as I've always had a thing for Italian men and to think one of them stole my bag. Another illusion shattered.

After a great deal of searching I asked at a lost property office if a red bag had been handed in. I was so relieved when the lady said yes but she did warn me not all the contents were present. She wasn't kidding - gone was my purse, (which just happened to be loaded - well, it was a dream) all my credit cards, my keys, phone and camera. In fact there was nothing in it but a few receipts and a plastic comb. But the worst part was the bag had been thrown into a river and was totally discoloured and mis-shapen.

A sign of too much baggage and a fear of losing the most precious things in my life or just too much cheese and wine?

I was woken abruptly at the crack of nine o' clock by the sound of heavy drilling yet again, as the workmen continue to erect 600 new houses on what was once beautiful farmland at the end of our lane. Another nightmare. I can't imagine there'd be 600 families who'd want to live around here, but it seems all land must be turned into roads or housing estates.

But it was a relief in a way to be taken out of the handbag dream and into the Friday routine. Comforting in a strange way to clean the bog and gaze down the U-bend, contemplating whether life is indeed a load of shi...ning opportunities.