My Life on a Plate

Up Front and Personal

I don't think I've ever made two entries in one day and rarely thank those who do. Time is precious and we can only give so much. I'm not asking for sympathy or hoping to attract readers but today I just feel at the end of my rope.

Warning: Personal feelings and rant on the way. Leave now if you just want some light-hearted fun. So do I actually, but life doesn't allow it right now.

I read blogs of people in dire circumstances, fighting to survive, facing horrific circumstances and I'm moved beyond belief. I tell myself there are many worse off than me and I should be grateful for what I have. I am, but it doesn't stop the anguish, the tears, the feeling of overwhelming helplessness I'm going through right now.

My parents are a constant worry. My mother is losing it and is not prepared to admit it. My father is 87 and getting very frail. They don't communicate and I'm their only contact in this world. Every day of my life I have to think for them, organise their appointments, medicines, shopping and other needs and I'm getting very weary of it all. There's no help available so it seems I'm stuck with it until the inevitable, which I alone will have to handle.

My own marriage is far from perfect. Not on the scale of my parents but I find it hard to deal with a man who is so jealous, so insular, so unprepared to make any effort outside his own family. I'm gregarious by nature but here it's considered a crime. I would never survive without other people and don't believe blood is thicker than water. My comfort comes from understanding friends, many of whom I've made through WDC. Here is where I bear my heart; right or wrong is a matter of opinion but this is my blog, my place and my right to tell it how it is. And right now, it hurts like hell.

My son has been the light of my life. I'm not an overbearing mother as my own is and have allowed him to be his own person. Biased I may be but he's a wonderful human being - warm. honest, intelligent ,funny and caring. I supported his travels whole-heartedly despite knowing it would be a wrench. It's HIS life and I want him to live it without the confines I have endured.

I have gone through every emotion imaginable to try and accept what he is about to do. I say on a daily basis that I must come to terms with whatever happens in the future, I love him and that will never alter but this is something I'm finding so difficult to cope with,

He now informs us he is planning on going to Australia with his new bride in February. Fair enough; that's where he planned to be at that time, But, the baby she gave birth to a couple of months ago is being left behind. Oh, he assures us they are a loving family who will care for her, but why do alarm bells ring in my head as to what sort of woman can leave her child to go off travelling with my son? How do I ever come to accept this woman as my daughter-in-law? Could you do it? Am I being unfair and narrow minded? Please be honest. I value your opinions and want to find a way to handle this,