Each Day Already is a Challenge

Friends

I've been thinking a lot about friends and friendships today, thanks entirely to Budroe and his latest blog entry. "Invalid Item" 

I felt so sorry for Bud and for his friends who have decided that they cannot continue along Bud's journey with cancer. They hurt too badly!!???? Imagine how he feels. But in the midst of his anger and disappointment, Bud offered forgiveness to his friends. Now that is a faith that we should all cultivate.

While pondering friendship, of course I turned to the Bible. I remembered some verses in Proverbs.

Proverbs 18:24 NIV
A man of many companions may come to ruin,
but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Prov 17:17 NIV
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

Actually, if you search the Bible for verses about friends, there are quite a few. But these are the two I wanted to find.

As I thought about friends and friendships, I realized how few I have myself.

I had the same group of friends from age 3 to 11, some closer than others. Then my family moved. We stayed in the same school district, so I did see those same friends in jr. high. But things were different once we were not in the same neighborhood.

In jr. high, I had one really good friend. Then my family moved again, this time from the suburbs to the city. I don't think my "friend" called me even once after I moved, nor I her.

In high school, again I had quite a number of friends, some closer than others. Some I met in school; others I met in church. I had one really close, best friend. But for some reason (that I never knew), she got angry with me in our senior year. It wasn't until over 25 years later when I connected to some other friends through Classmates.com that I found out her married name and phone number. We spoke on the phone, then exchanged letters a few times. She didn't remember why she had dumped me as a friend either. It couldn't have been very important. We shared so much as teens, and it's a shame that our friendship didn't follow us into real adulthood.

In Florida, I developed a few close friendships with women in church and, in one case, with a woman who once worked for me. I still have contacts with these friends.

I did not develop any close friendships in Texas, even though I was there for six years, and even though I was quite active in church. I was only in Michigan for two years, and during that time I helped take care of my aging parents. While I did attend church services, I never felt I could be away from my folks for long periods of time. The only places I went besides the once a week church services were to my own doctor, chiropractor and accupuncture appointments.

Now here I am in Ohio, married to Incurable Romantic . I've been here since December, 2004 and have yet to develop any close friendships.

Is there something wrong with me? I know what a big part of my problem is now. With the pains of fibromyalgia, I cannot do much (sometimes no) cleaning. And I have a hubby who has filled the house with all kinds of trinkets and do-dads and "memories"...not to mention the antique player pianos - in what should be a living room and all over the basement and garage (and in storage!!!).

I guess I am just old enough that I still believe that it's a woman's job to keep a clean, warm and inviting home for entertaining. I'm embarassed that I cannot keep the home that way. And we certainly don't have the money to afford cleaning assistance. So...although I have a table in my kitchen big enough to share coffee with a few friends, I have not taken the time to find those friends.

That's really makes me sad. Yes, I have loads of internet friends, and for that I'm thankful. But I realized that if I were forced to take a journey like Bud, there would be no one but hubby around to really cry with...except online.

If you've read what I wrote a few years ago about resolutions vs. commitments, you know that I don't believe in making resolutions. Most folks just don't follow through on them. I know I don't.

Rather than resolving to change this, I need to make a commitment to change it. So, perhaps that's my new goal for 2007. I need to actually have some local friends.

My first step in that direction is coming soon. I have joined a women's small group at our church. Our first meeting is this coming Sunday evening. (And hubby, who is also lacking in male friends has joined a men's small group that meets on Tuesday evenings.)
This is only going to be a four-week session about evangelism. But the woman who leads this group will, most likely, be the leader for the next round of lessons. She has been leading a small group in her home for a few years now.