Poetic Referendum(s) On Life

Epidemic at our house

I'm not one to complain, but these past few weeks have been rough. And it goes back as far as mid-December. I have a temperature and symptons similiar to bronchitis that have made it difficult to sleep. My wife said my constant wheezing sounded like mutterings from the kids in their rooms, and even had to check once. It sounded like I swallowed our cat, but I didn't think she would crawl in my mouth in the middle of the night!

But on a more serious note, my son will likely miss his fifth day of school. His temperature reached as high as 104 and we've had him on tylenol and motrin. I had to bundle him up today, and my two-year-old daughter, to have them checked at the hospital. Fortunately, Maddie had an influenza shot at her annual appointment in November. She's skated by so far, except for a bout with a virus late last year that caused her to throw up and feel miserable for about 24 hours. They bounce back so quick. Alex has had the virus twice, threw up twice, and missed two days back then. He recovered quickly those times. But now it is different.

Doc said he had an ear infection. We picked up the prescription and started dosing right away. He was pretty rough midday and then started perking up at bedtime. I'm hopeful that he'll feel well enough to return to school in the morning. He's got a lot of energy, which I envy. I've been hacking up flem and had this wheeze in my chest before his temperature rose five days ago. I thought I was going to shake it today, but it came back.

I claim ignorance when it comes to these illnesses and depend on my wife's understanding of medicine with her background. Before I met her, I refused to take anything, even aspirin. Well, maybe Nyquil to help me sleep. But with glaucoma, I can't take that anymore or any decongestants. I'm quite limited when it comes to cold meds. I take a lozenge, tylenol and alleve to ease the sore throat, aches and temp. I'm already on five prescription drugs that I have to take morning and night. I've got the dental appliance for my apnea that I have to wear nightly and keep sanitary. I've tried to handle all this, responsibility to family, and give the best effort I can at WDC. I hate failing anyone that I make a commitment to. That is why I fail myself and put the needs of others first. And then get in trouble for that when I over commit. I get a greater sense of satisfaction and immediate rewards from helping others.

I've put the book deal and my writing on the back burner. I had decided I wanted to complete a novel this year and also pick up a laptop. With all this stuff swirling about my head, I find it is easier just to shut it out and work on the things that will give me instant fulfillment. I'm working through this with the assistance of my therapist of over nine years -- 10 years in December, back when it was determined I was obsessive compulsive, an all or nothing guy, insecure, emotional, living with the baggage of my childhood. I broke some ground. I keep coming up short when it comes to retooling my life. I have so many obstacles to hurdle in my desire to find peace of mind, satisfaction with the direction of my life, and a deeper appreciation of friends and family, including my two little ones who clasp me daily in need of affection.

There. I rambled. This was inspired by an email I received. I sometimes forget that others can't see me if I don't show myself. So here I am. I'm sure there is a lot more detail I could go into. I'll save that for my decade long friend.

Thanks to all who read and have shared. It's nice to hear feedback from folks who let me know they are in my corner. I know I will soon again be ready to answer that bell.

Brian