Who Am I?

Patience is a virtue

Jan 30, 2007

Patience is a virtue I was not blessed with.  It's one I have on occasion and one that God is teaching me over time.  But in general I'm not a very patient person.  I tend to get aggrivated if I have to stand in line very long, tend to multitask in whatever I'm doing because to just stand around to watch the potatoes boil is boring and wasteful of time.  A;lso, if I'm not busy doing something I might actually stop and think...and that's not good because while sometimes I dream and think about nice things...frequently I worry which is not productive or I think about my parents and the fact that I dont' have them, and then I get down.  Now don't get me wrong...this isnt' an always thing and it's not usually planned that well...but it exists, I acknowledge that.  I have my times that I do nothing, but even then the voices in my head take over (I'm still working on whether those characters will be in a book or what they are there for...I think it may not be their story I am to tell but the by-product of their story....their emotions, their feelings, what it feels like to be a victim...probably only makes sense inside my head...lol)  But I digress.

I'm also not very patient when it comes to prayers.  And that's where today's entry comes in.  While surfing some websites of sick children -one of the other things I do online..you can go, leave msgs for them and try to brighten their lives...pray for them, encourage them...and learn from them....again I am offtopic.  I found a poem and it touched my heart and spoke to my soul. 

WAIT
By Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.

I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate....
and the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?"
my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers,
I need to know why!"
"Is Your hand shortened?
Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and
I'm claiming your Word.

My future and all to which I relate
hangs in the balance,
and you tell me to Wait?"

"I'm needing a 'yes,'
a go-ahead sign.
Or even a 'no',
to which I'll resign.

You promised, dear Lord,
that if we believe,
we need but to ask,
and we shall receive.

Lord, I've been asking,
and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking!
I NEED A REPLY."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
as my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
and grumbled to God,
"So, I'm waiting...for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes
met with mine... and He tenderly said
"I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens
and darken the sun. I could raise the dead
and cause mountains to run.

I could give all you seek
and
pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want,
but
you wouldn't know Me.

You'd not know
the depth of My love
for each saint.

You'd not know
the power that I give
to the faint.

You'd not learn to see
through clouds of despair;
you'd not learn to trust
just by knowing I'm there.

You'd not know the joy
of resting in Me
when darkness and silence
are all you can see.

You'd never experience
the fullness of love
when the peace of My spirit
descends like a dove.

You would know that I give,
and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth
of the beat of My heart.

The glow of My comfort
late into the night,
the faith that I give
when you walk without sight,

The depth that's beyond
getting just what you ask
from an infinite God who
makes what you have last.

You'd never know should
your pain quickly flee,
what it means that My grace
is sufficient for thee.

Yes, your dearest dreams
overnight would come true,
but, oh, the loss, if you missed
what I'm doing in you.

So, be silent, my child,
and in time you will see
that the greatest of gifts
is to
truely
know
me.

And though oft My answers
seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still...
"WAIT."


I have struggled for a long time with waiting on God's timing and not my own.  In many different aspects.  I get so tired of waiting.  I want answers.  I want to know how it's all going to work out.  I know that God is on my side..I don't have issue with that.  I don't know what His will is in some things and so I have no choice but to wait...I don't like it..but I need to remember that it's not the end result but the journey itself that is important.  And I have learned more and grown closer to the Lord in those waiting times..and I am grateful..not patient..but grateful


Now, onto something not so deep..nah...don't really have anything not deep.  My worries are high, finances are tight and I'm not sure how things are going to work out.  I'm so tired of this crap it's not funny.  I just want to be through February and so many of the issues will hopefully be resolved.  I'm stressing today and I'm sorry.  I don't vent on here often....haven't had to up to this point and between finances and  medical and insurance issues and other fun conflicts that are my life right now this is what you get.  Because I'm a whiny baby and I don't wanna WAIT ...I want it now...even though I'm thankful for all He's done for me and all I've learned in the valley.  This poem just really speaks to where I am.

Good thing God loves me anyway, huh?  I am very grateful for that.

blessings and peace to you my friends
V