Down the Rabbit Hole

Dismal Afternoon - Continued

The trees lining the narrow two-lane highway between the office and home, had long surrendered their bright fall colors to smog and cold. The landscape was turning, inevitably, to a shade of rust all over. Despite the brilliance of the autumn afternoon sun, the view outside my car window prophesized of a bleak winter, not so very far off.

Reluctantly, I dropped the window to toss out my last cigarette, smoked down to the filter. I left the window down and let the chilling air in. I cranked the radio volume up and let the melodic tunes fill the interior of my car. I focused on the road ahead, ignoring the dismal scenery and desparately trying not to think of her. Inevitably though, I was there again, rolling around with her in smoke-scented sheets, fighting to hold onto her perfect body, covered with a mantle of sweet sweat. Once it started the images crashed into on another with crystal clarity and there was no escape. Her hooded, charcoal eyes, her thin, pink lips, milky shoulders, the curves of her body catching the light and shimmering in the heat, so tragically poetic.

My groan must have been audible, even above the blaring radio. I needed another smoke. I needed another drink...anything to keep me driving. I needed to go back home and shower the sin off.

"I want to make all your dreams come true", she'd said, gazing up at me with eyes that were warm and wet. For several long moments, my heart thumped with such ferocity that it was actually painful. When I finally responded, my voice was thick with emotion. "I want that for you too." In that quiet moment, with the soft jazz melting in the candlight around us, I knew this was going to be a beautiful disaster.

"How long?" I asked, and with the suddenly furrowing of her brow, realized the question was poorly timed and unwelcomed.

"An hour, maybe more. He's got a business dinner." Her answer was curt and more than a little frosty. "I supposed you'll be rushing off then?" She said, the beginnings of a pout taking shape on her lovely mouth.

I shrugged, then answered "I think that would be best". She nodded somberly, shifting her body up, until she was half sitting, half leaning against the heavy maple headboard. The sheet slipped away and she crossed her arms protectively over two nearly perfect breasts. I swallowed, my throat suddenly thicker. "Samantha," I started.

She shook her head, "How easy is it for you to leave me?"

I sighed as I recognized the opening line to all all too familiar scene.

"Not easy baby. Not easy at all", and when she started to sob quietly, I pulled her into my arms and whispered, "not long now...I promise. Not much longer."