Down the Rabbit Hole

Is it me?

So last night I watched the movie, The Holiday. Shopped as a "delightful romantic comedy", it left me feeling oddly disheartened and depressed. Sure I laughed and enjoyed the entertaining elements of the film and sure it had a traditionally sappy, ultrahappy ending, but it left coating of...perhaps....disillusion on me, like the aftertaste after a particularily bitter sip of wine. I'm not sure why a movie where true love finds true love amid chaos and in the aftermath of heartbreak, would leave me feeling more depressed and let down, but it did. I went to bed with this nagging doubt in my stomach. Things like that didn't happen to people in real life, not even close. What's the best you can hope for after a heartache? That you find someone you can manage to trust after someone wounded you so mortally. That you attempt to make a life with that person, spend time growing aquainted with their attributes and their flaws (cause we all have both). That you maybe, maybe figure it all out enough to keep it together and years later you can look back and be proud that you beat the odds...doesn't sound like fodder for a decent romantic comedy, I know. That's reality. Maybe the film was too much of a departure from reality for me to relate too. Today, I feel synical, something of a love sceptic, a doubting tomas. Is it me? Maybe it has more to do with the fact that I woke up from another wedding nightmare with a raging headache.
While I nursed my pounding head with coffee, I started thinking...what was wrong with me? You know that feeling you get when the person you love reaches out and cups your cheek randomly while you are talking? Its like a wonderful warmth that uncurls itself in your stomach and rolls up your spine, bringing this cache of emotion that empties from your body in a long, contented sigh. Shouldn't that feeling be forever stronger than that pull of dread you feel in the throngs of an argument with that same person? Or the hollow ache you feel after a fight that ended without resolution? Which feeling do I place the most merit with? Which feeling guides my mood, my path more? And why, when a favored heroine finally finds love and happiness, is my intial reaction to find immediate proof as to how unlikely that is?