The Undiscovered Country

Little Liars

I’m disappointed. No, it’s worse than that. I’m pissed.

I couldn’t write yesterday’s entry, because I was both busy, and I suffered from a slight attitude problem that I didn’t want to spill on everyone else.

Instead, I asked my toes to write it for me. They said, “Sure! We’ll be happy to.”

Now you will understand why I’m angry. I logged in this morning, and no entry! The little liars! As punishment, I’m wearing my walking shoes instead of sandals today. If they sweat and bake in there, too bad!

I still don’t have much to say today, at least nothing of profundity, hilarity, or even interestity. I know that’s not a word, but I started with -ity words, I had to end with one!

Besides, I’m a writer, and writers are allowed to make up words.

I will still give this entry a whirl. I might surprise myself.

My dad and I are still emailing each other about prayer, and how to be more effective. I wonder if we tend to complicate things. God after all stressed the importance of praying to him in all things, so would he then not make it easy for us to communicate with him? What then is the problem when I feel like I’m talking to myself at times?

I still don’t know the answer. It could be the answers are many. I could not believe my words are going further than my ceiling. God is indeed listening, but I don’t believe he is. This is especially true when I’m praying about silly, selfish things. God’s time is far more valuable than to waste it on my useless and needless words.

This is part of an email I sent my dad:

My Disciple class had a discussion about how today we don't see the miracles of the New Testament with regard to healing, etc. Is it our lack of faith, or is it still out there, and we don't hear about it? I think it's both, but society (in general) has also killed the belief in miracles, magic, and mystery. If we can't see, smell, taste or touch it, it doesn't exist. I think that goes with many Christians, not just those who don't believe. Case in point: why do only Catholics have the stigmata, and are healed by touching the statues of the saints? Because they believe in them.

In Acts, people were healed by merely falling under Peter's shadow as he walked by. Did Peter have that power, or did those who fell under his shadow have the power, all because they believed? I admit I don't have that strong of faith. I've lost much of my belief in mystery, magic and miracles. It's a self-fulfilling prophesy not seeing any results looking at it that way. It's no wonder Jesus loved children and consistently used them as an example as to how we should be. They still have their sense of wonder; they believe in magic and miracles, while we adults keep looking for a rational explanation. They also trust without question.

As I studied a Disciple lesson two weeks ago I wrote this sudden thought in my book: “It’s in our most difficult times that we learn to depend on God.”

I’ve concluded God loves paradox. He uses the foolish to confound the wise. We find strength in God in our weakest moments.

Our society, especially in the United States, has grown soft. We’re spoiled. And because we don’t struggle compared to 95% of the rest of the world, we don’t place every ounce of our trust in God. We have the resources to depend largely on ourselves. It’s a sad truth, but when things go well, we expect God to take a back seat.

My pastor’s son and others of my church went on a short missionary trip to Bolivia. He said one thing when he returned I will never forget: “Those people have nothing we value, but they have more joy than we do, and their faith in Jesus is stronger than ours.”

It should be the opposite, shouldn’t it?

Again. Paradox.

What does that have to do with prayer? Not much. I went off on a little tangent there.

That’s not to say miracles through prayer don’t happen in the United States or other so-called rich countries. Many people have the strength of belief that if they walked under the shadow of a church steeple they will be healed. It’s difficult for many (me included) to do the same, because it’s, well, impossible. For me, I would fear I lost my sanity.

If my prayers lack power, then it’s not God’s doing. I don’t have the honest faith my prayers make a difference. Again, it’s a self-fulfilling prophesy. I keep thinking “Thy will be done” and always believing his will and mine will never be in sync.

I have to remind myself God places some burdens on my heart for a reason, and he expects me to not only pray, but believe it will happen.