Second Helpings

Virtually Speaking

I managed a visit to the gym yesterday morning; it’s one of the few places I get to sit down these days, even if it does mean pumping iron or pedalling. I’m not much of a television watcher, but having failed to master the art of reading a novel whilst on the treadmill or bike, I have to resort to numbing the boredom with whatever best I can find on their television channels.

Yesterday I happened upon a daytime chat show, where the hosts were interviewing a couple who’d just got together after several years of an internet relationship. He was from Wales and she had arrived from California the previous day. They were no spring chickens or natural beauties, but the warmth and depth of their relationship radiated and their eloquence, intelligence and humour were very apparent. They’d met on a site where users created their own fantasy characters and interacted with each other in a cyber land. Not my sort of stuff but it did look interesting. During the interview they admitted they’d become addicted, but more to each other than the computer itself.

I raised my eyes to the ceiling when one of the presenters asked if either of them thought the internet was damaging to their ‘real’ lives. I have a difficult time analysing what exactly is the definition of ‘reality’, just as I do with ‘normal’, ‘happy’ and ‘love.’ How do any of us know the true 'reality' of anything?

If by 'reality' we’re referring to our daily lives, then mine can be described below. I’m not claiming to be a martyr, am not intending to be negative or dampen anyone’s spirits. I’m very aware there are others worse off and am not attempting to gain attention or sympathy, but simply stating facts about my ‘real’ life as I see it.

Reality for me is waking to the sound of building machinery as it tears up our local countryside for the sake of another massive housing estate no one asked for. Torrential rain almost every day accompanies the noise. I decide to rise in the hope of a little peace and quiet before the mayhem of each day begins. There follows the sound of the toilet door clicking as hubby beats me to it and I realise my alone time is going to remain an unfulfilled dream.

Reality for me is spending some time every day shopping, visiting and helping my parents. Watching them grow frailer and losing their independence upsets me very much and at times I feel I can’t cope with the situation much longer, especially as my mother’s mental state is deteriorating on a weekly basis and they don't communicate with each other much. There is no help available for them and the 'reality' of the situation means things can and will only get worse.

Reality for me is trying to cope with a son and the wife we didn’t meet until a couple of months ago living under the same roof. Having the patience to help her with language and spelling, tasks she can’t perform due to her disabilities, teaching her to bake cakes and biscuits when my mind is screaming to get on with other things and listening to her conversations very carefully so as to understand her thoughts. Discarding her past, respecting her cultural differences, accepting her disabilities and offering her the hand of friendship and the love of a family are essential every single day.

Reality for me is trying not to show my concerns over their future. My son has an agency job at present which involves shifts and sleepovers. Not ideal but he needs the cash. Mey Ling is housebound unless hubby or son are here to drive her somewhere. In less than four months they’ll return to Cambodia. What happens after that we don’t really know, although my son still intends to find a good full time job here and some accommodation of their own. If that doesn’t happen in the near future, then the possibility of them returning to us from Cambodia with the addition of someone else’s baby is a distinct 'reality'. What else can we do? Parents cannot give up on the children they love with all their hearts.

Reality for me is having to go out the way when the smell of garlic and Asian sauces becomes too much for me. Having to grit my teeth over the amount of laundry, the clutter and mess and the damage to our furniture and fittings caused by careless, clumsy youngsters. They are only ‘things’ after all and I will never give my son the chance to turn round if things go pear-shaped and say it didn’t work out because we didn’t support them.

Reality for me is a husband who is very helpful in the home but never goes anywhere without me, except to play golf some mornings. A man who may ‘love’ me, but cannot give me any space, privacy or the freedom to see other people without inquisitions and sulking. Knowing I’ll never spend an evening alone in my own home or be left up last at night gives me claustrophobic attacks on a daily basis.

Reality for me means limited enjoyment of food due to a long and on going problem with a delinquent tooth. I have yet to find a dentist who can do anything to solve the problem and if I ever do it will cost a lot more than I can afford. Reality for me means having to stay in a town I hate because of responsibilities beyond my control, when my heart longs to move somewhere else.

Reality for me means reaching fifty-seven in a couple of weeks and wondering where my life has gone or where it will lead. Yes, I’m grateful I’ve got this far and hope still flickers occasionally, but with my unhealthy lifestyle and the stresses I find difficult to deal with, I’m not sure there’s much time left. What time I have at the present moment is rarely spent doing things I’d choose to do.

WOW! Heavy stuff I know and probably not the best blogging material in the world. Apologies for the lengthy entry, something I generally try to avoid, but maybe today I needed to get some of my jumbled thoughts out. There are many more, but I’ll leave it there before you fall into a coma.

So, what’s my point you may ask? Simply this. When television presenters, the media or ignorant members of the public scoff and criticise internet relationships, whether they be romantic ones or not, claiming it’s fantasy and harmful to our ‘real’ lives, it annoys me intensely. When, at the end of a long day I can finally sit down at my computer and chat to or read about friends who understand and have more compassion for my situation than anyone in my ‘real’ life, then my flicker of hope is at its brightest and my heart is filled with WUB. It may only be a box on a screen but within it there are no distractions, no fripperies or fineries, no pretensions; just the minds, hearts and souls of like-minded people.

Reality versus Fantasy? No Contest for me. And if people like the couple being interviewed yesterday can turn their fantasy into reality, fulfil dreams and find contentment then more power to them I say. Maybe one day I might do the same, who knows? A glimmer of hope is sometimes all we have, but it’s worth its weight in gold.

P.S. In reality there have only been nine votes for the Blogger of the Month. VOTE NOW - Before it's too late.