Poetic Referendum(s) On Life

Gagged

It's not easy to lose a friend, especially one that means well. She has been kind and has made my experience here a bit more enjoyable. But, either she is young and naive or just too stubborn to realize that she can be offensive when she thinks she's taking care of business. Friends and business...? I'm beginning to think that she might have only seen me as an acquaintance or just another member. I don't know her really all that well, and perhaps friend is using the term a bit too loosely. But really, how much do we really know about one another in this writing community? So a friend she was.

But, because she is in a position to oversee activities here as a moderator, she became overzealous in the handling of an introductory rating of one of my works that I actually sent to her for consideration at her request. What she did was change the intro rating on it, activating the automated message system letting me know my poem was handcuffed with the rating change. I didn't have any way of knowing who did it, but my suspicions were aroused.

What complicates the story is the necessity of the gag. The word was 'gagged' to suggest societal oppression/repression. Pretty ironic I thought that a work that was about the restrictiveness of the world around us (inside this very writing community) will not allow us to come out of our closets and cages to express freely who we are. The interpretation of the word as 'violence' failed to take into account the figurative connotation of the word, the repression of expression. Does anyone believe this is offensive?

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I personally asked this person if she had a moment and could speak on the matter and asked directly if she had indeed imposed the rating change, which she freely admitted. I asked, why? Why not email me first and let me know that she felt this might be an offensive word based on the very vague set of guidelines for rating one's work? Her focus was solely on the justification for the change and not about why I am being systematically dealt with. Her basic response was that she's been through this kind of stuff before with other members and they have not always complied.

I didn't get the benefit of the doubt as a friend, a colleague, a fellow member, but was treated like someone she's never known, or been on a first name basis with, or one who does not comply with rules. So, I'm lumped in with all the rest, punitively arrested by someone you think of as a friend, or just an acquaintence, who couldn't tell you up front but send you through a systemized snubbing. What is that supposed to make me feel like? Yes, I can amend it, change the word. I can move on. But I won't censor myself now, not over something like this.

I'll admit I let my emotions get the better of me. I asked her to show me where it is written that this word is not acceptable. I changed my handle to 'Gagged!' before she told me I couldn't do that either and changed it to 'GAGGEE is Me.' I'm not proud of myself for publicly demonstrating my feelings. But I have been through it before. I am not getting heard. So, I must take all of these feelings and emotions and look at the wall, look at the ceiling, look at the floor and think REAL HARD before I respond. It feels like I'm being provoked, but I have to assess the situation. This is a good person. This is a person who seems to mean well. But, maybe she doesn't respect me. Maybe as a member of management here, among the Mods and the like, there are some feelings of contempt for me for my vocal nature. Could her impression of me be affected by what goes around on this site or behind the closed door marked Mods Only.

The way this thing ends is we IM a couple of times. I learn that she's a bit frazzled by this. She's thrown her arms up in the air like I'm impossible. I tell her I'm reasonable but feel she could make amends, if she cared to. I got an email from her telling me that she "could not accept my item" for her activity because of it's new "introductory rating." I thought that was rich. Oh, but I could "submit another." How do I know that won't be offensive, too. See, I'm doing it again. How can one not feel hurt and want to respond in kind to someone who can seem so indifferent and insensitive to others. She's young, but she's a Mod. She's in a position of authority. She's an ambassador to this site -- a site that doesn't appear to care about it's paying members unless they have a hint of case color.

That's what I said. I know there are Mods out there that care. The establishment on the whole does not. Go ahead, show me the door. Gag me.