Down the Rabbit Hole

An angry buzzing...

Today I find myself generally angry and frustrated. It really seems as if people are intentionally trying to piss me off. I think its mostly my fault, I seem to care too much I guess. I'm trying to make a sincere effort not to take things personally but at this point, I'm failing in that effort I know. I'm feeling crappy and petty. I should be looking forward more to the wedding instead I'm wondering why he and I didn't just elope. It would have been cheaper. It would have been easier. It would have not involved our families.
I'm thankful for the people that have sincerely offered to help me, which really amounts to my grandmother, my mother in a very fiscal sense, my cousin and three of my good friends, only one of whom is actually in the wedding party. I'm starting to wonder where everyone else has gone....certainly the atmosphere is different than it was when we first got engaged when everyone it seemed was ready to offer support. I'm telling myself, I don't care but its starting to get on my nerves. I don't think we should need to bug people to get their measurements or their alterations or their rsvp's back in to us. I would think if people were truly happy about us getting married, that those things should just be taken care of. Right? I'm dismayed. I'm disappointed in certain things and in certain people. Everyone has their own stuff going on, but this is a wedding...doesn't that count for something? Doesn't it warrant cooperation, attention, participation? Does everything feel this way at some point?