Second Helpings

Just Another Duvet Day

What on earth are you supposed to blog about when you’re housebound and forced to spend another day under the duvet attempting to rid yourself of nasty buggy things?

Maybe something along the lines of how men have no sympathy when we ladies are feeling under the weather and just can’t leave us alone.

I stumbled along to the loo this morning, opened the door and there was George Clooney wrapped from ankle to neck in pastel pink soft toilet tissue, with that come unwrap me look in his dark brown eyes.

‘Excuse me,’ says I. ‘But I need a wee. Would you mind clearing off and giving a sick lady some privacy?’

Later I struggled to the bathroom, only to discover Hugh Grant posing in a tub full of bubbles with a bottle of champagne in one hand and two glasses in the other.

‘Pardon me,’ says I. ‘But I’ve only come in here to get some more tissues. Atchoo. And make sure you don’t leave any ring marks when you’re finished.’

I felt a little apprehensive as I approached the shower room a little while after. Sure enough, there was Robbie Williams under the hot water covered in suds and waving the back brush at me invitingly.

‘Sorry,’ says I. ‘But I need a sponge to wipe my fevered brow. Oh, and don’t forget to clean the tiles and put the towels back before you leave.’

I tossed and turned, dozed for a while but couldn’t sleep properly. I wandered into my son’s old room only to discover Colin Firth covered in body chocolate stretched across the double bed.

‘Begging your pardon, ‘says I. ‘But I only came in here to get a book. Make sure you put those sheets in the washer when you’re done will you.’

I read for a while, dozed a bit more but still couldn’t get comfortable. I staggered to the back bedroom only to be confronted by Brad Pitt swinging in the duck hammock wearing nothing but a jockstrap with a beak.

‘ Apologies,’ says I. ‘But I only came in here for an extra pillow. Oh, and please rearrange the ducks as you found them before you leave the premises.’

Honestly, what’s a sick woman supposed to do to get some rest? I escaped back into my bedroom and shut the door firmly before getting back under the duvet. I’m glad we have a drawer divan or goodness knows who might have rolled out from under the bed.

So, that was my boring day. How was yours?