Dark Romance

Chapter 3

Chapter 3

         Suddenly she felt shy and she knew she‘d have to talk about herself and that made her uncomfortable. Everyone laughed when she spoke of her dreams. She had no desire to suffer that humiliation again if she didn’t have to, so she kept her mouth shut. Besides she had all the info she needed just by watching his actions and seeing the way he stared at her.

         The silence between them became awkward. She really should ask him about himself and his perceived future. But she didn’t really care one way or the other.

         She snooped around in his head a little and saw that it was filled with recent and fresh memories of his better half. The memories she saw made her heart ache for his loss and she wanted to say something comforting to him, but didn’t know what she‘d say. She also didn’t want to bring them to the forefront and have him go through that kind of pain in a public place like this. So, she left it alone.

         There, where her heart was supposed to be, laid a big void. After years of being teased and ignored, an emptiness as bitter as any winter had emerged. It frightened her to think she’d never find anyone who filled that emptiness and became part of her. It made her feel alone and she felt like a freak.

She got a sense of loneliness when she looked around her and saw the couple. She felt she was missing something that everyone else could see. The feeling of being one in a world that was twinned grew inside her until she avoided it altogether or as much as she could.

Ana had no compulsion, no desire to find such companionship. She felt no urge to torture another and refused to submit to such false opinions and beliefs. Her parents had taught her that to be happy one needed “love”, the romantic and forever kind, but she had no such frivolity in her life and no need of it. She was convinced that she’d be alone until life saw her as cold as it was.

         Ana had no room in her heart or her life for a man, right now. Although Nick did have a V.C.R. VERY CUTE REAR, she’d love to get her hands on. But to do that she would have to be in a relationship with him and possibly even, eventually, have to have sex with him. That did not appeal to her, not in the least. Yes, it may have proven to be a good distraction from her health concerns. That was its’ only appeal.

         She had no desire to be so committed. She knew her apparent coldness would drive a wedge between them. If she hurt him, another part of her would be ripped away. I would hurt her to know she had hurt him.

         Ana searched high and low for what she lacked, but nothing came to light. And when the outcome looked promising, she felt the coldness creep up into her heart. She began to believe she had no right in searching for that one thing she so desperately sought. Thus, she gave up all hope and resigned herself to a life of one.

         She could never be comfortable in a relationship. She always felt like the odd man out, because she couldn’t find it in her to show she had a heart. She was always aloof. Keeping her distance, remaining a solitary soul living through words, printed upon the page that no one would lay eyes on.

         Here, at her leisure, she may live and relive her dreams or other’s whenever she wanted. It made her happy and she wasn’t hurting anyone, except her own constructs.

         She enjoyed the adventures she had read. The turmoil and heartache made her cry and the sex excited her… She wanted a lover like those she read about and, even a man or men such as those described by the authors. But that was just fantasy and that was where it ended for her.

         As she put the book down, reality set in, she was alone and cold. She spent the nights, sleeping single in a double bed. On occasion, she engaged in fanciful dreams and pleasuring herself. Never did she consider a one night stand, just so she may feel the warmth of a man. Or even the pleasure a man could offer. Then Mick entered the picture and her days of solitude were numbered.

         He would drop by just to say “Hi.” He also had an insatiable hunger for her affections. He would always surprise her by showing up at her door unexpected and greeting her with a long, deep kiss that spoke more than any words ever could. It would always end with them in bed. Part of her liked it and loved him while it deepened that dark void within her. To her, this attitude towards sex with her seemed to be rather like an immature child.

As of late, he seemed cold and distant. He had changed. He was no longer the same sweet unpredictable man he had been. Something weighed heavily on him. He did the normal routine but it seemed his mind was elsewhere. His actions and were half-hearted and words spoken with no meaning in them. As he made love to her, it was passionless. He had grown, in some way, cold towards her.


She feared the worst. Her fear was that he had never loved her to begin with. Soon she found the answer… It was just a rut that they both had dug themselves into and couldn’t get out of.

         She grew tired of the dull routine and needed some spice in her life, especially now. And she tried to add some spice to the relationship but he refused to be part of it. The fire inside her was slowly snuffed out and nothing she could do rekindled it.

         As time passed she noticed that he did not drop by as often and was preoccupied when she did see him. He had other interests and she was left in the cold to fend for herself. Because of this, her death was a slow agonized and confusing death.

She realized that he wasn’t so considerate of her feelings and actually was rather selfish about it. He thought only of his needs and desires.