My Journey With Attachment Disorder

Optomist or Pessimist ?

Optimist or Pessimist?

April 7, 2008

I came home from our last session 2 weeks ago, just brimming with hope, and renewed faith that we could really turn things around for Tony. I worked so hard that week spending time with Tony, giving him lots of practice doing things “mom’s way.” We talked and talked (and I listened and listened) as we talked about earning his privileges back. I was really on top of my game. I purposely focused on looking for opportunities to spend quality time together. No television, no video games. Nothing that would interfere with building our relationship. It was a very productive, and HARD-working week. Even the black eye I got when he punched me in the face with his fist didn’t overly concern me. I had handled things wrong. I was determined that he would not have any games to take to school and trade for stuff. So when I followed him into his room to get the game from him, he shoved me backwards. I lost my cool, and started hitting him on the upper arm. He rared back and punched me in the eye with his fist. We both took some time out and managed to go ahead with our day after we cooled off.



The first weekend was very full, and very productive, as described in my earlier journal. Things seemed to be going well. However, by Monday I was simply worn out. Bottom line. I was tired, and he took advantage of it. He’s been ruling the roost ever since. I’m just frustrated beyond words. I know this is not an easy task, and we have a long journey ahead. I just wonder if I have the stamina to hold up.



Another issue I have to face is my own guilt. Kellye said, again yesterday, that things would be so much better if Tony were not there any more. I understood her feelings, but I told her that she would probably feel bad if he really did have to live somewhere else, and that she might even feel guilty for saying that. She said, she was pretty sure that she would be glad. She said, “Yeah, I do care about him, and I would worry about him, but I’m pretty sure I’d be glad he was gone.” See, that just makes me feel horrible. Kellye does have her own problems. And her problems are made worse by Tony’s behavior. I just feel that I have stuck us in the middle of a no-win situation. I can’t figure out any way for any of us to win.


Warrior Mom

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