My Journey With Attachment Disorder

Progress Feels Good!

May 18, 2008
Tony explored some new feelings this week—fear and sadness and worry. He wrote in his journal about it. He’s worried that Michael will not keep his promise to give him a Play Station 2. Once again, playing basketball seemed to be the solution to helping him get rid of the sadness that was actually preventing him from enjoying a perfectly wonderful Saturday morning. Saturday was a nearly perfect day. James worked at camp all day. Kellye was visiting a friend. Tony and I had a wonderful day together. I felt better than I have felt in a very long time, and worked at my Saturday chores, taking periodic breaks to spend special time with Tony. Tony had a few chores—he cleaned his room beautifully, cleaned out the car, and put away all of his clothes that I had folded. He would have vacuumed the car, but Dad had taken the extension cord to camp. So he vacuumed the car Sunday afternoon, and picked up the yard as his Sunday chore.



He had lots of time to draw, color with his new crayons and markers, read his new Spiderman magazine, play basketball, etc… As the day came to an end I directed him to get his bath; we had a very funny, happy snuggle time. Then, he started trying to talk me into letting Vincent come over. That’s how we came up with the goal for him to sleep in his room for a week. We sang church songs, and talked a LOT about how safe he was, and how much we love him, etc… You can imagine that it did very little to really help him in that particular moment. We can only hope it will accumulate and help in the long run. He tried to sleep in his room, and lasted about 10 minutes, before shoving the mattress partially into the hall. I made sure that he knew there was no pressure, no rush. “When you are strong enough, and when you are ready, you will be able to sleep in your room. Then that will show you are strong enough and ready to have Vincent over for the whole afternoon on Sunday.



I explained to Grandmother, who asked if he has to earn everything, that no, absolutely not. In fact, it’s important that he gets some things just because we love him. In fact the Spiderman magazine, crayons, and markers, were gifts of love, and we made sure he knew that they were gifts of love. We had also bought him (earlier in the week) a new beach towel for his trip to Camp Cosby. They were all complete surprises, and we made sure he knew they were gifts of love. I also tell him that the caramel candy and the milkshake he gets during snuggle time is magic, because I put a little bit of love in every one of them. He smiled. I think he knows it’s pretend, but he seems to like it.



Funnier note: Tony had wet the bed 3 nights in a row, in spite of taking the medication, because he had sneaked back into the kitchen for a drink after snuggle time was over. Each time I reminded him that the reason he was not dry was because he was breaking the rule about drinking before bedtime. The fourth morning he woke up dry, because I had diligently monitored the refrigerator. He solemnly said that morning, “I guess that means you’re going to keep not letting me have anything to drink at night.” I said, “Yep.” Then he said, “Not even milk?” I reminded him that he has a milkshake at snuggle time, and he said, “But that’s not milk.” I said, “Oh, so you would rather have milk at snuggle time instead of a milkshake?” He quickly replied, “No, I’d rather have a milkshake.” A few seconds later he said, “Boy! You have to be careful what you say around YOU!” (I smiled to myself, and secretly gave myself 2 points!)

P.S. I really like MY time at 8:00. I've had to miss some of it a couple of nights, but it is a lifesaver!



Warrior Mom

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