Can we talk?

Sweet Little Old Ladies

    Why is "sweet" so commonly used with the phrase "little old ladies"? Many, little old ladies are known to be complainers, whiners, melodramatic, controlling, and difficult to please. In our culture, we assume a lot of things about old people: they're helpless and need us, their memories are always bad, they don't think about sex, they're kind, they're patient, and they have no evil intentions, just to name a few assumptions.

    Granted, aging bodies falter, but not all have the same degree of fraility. I've known people in their 90's who were still pretty active and self-sufficient. And some memory does fade, I have a few moments of short term memory loss myself, and I am not elderly. But some elderly people have sharp recall.

    And a lot of older folk still have ill will in their hearts towards others, whether a relative, a race or ethnic group, or just someone to whom they've taken a dislike. They show it in their words and deeds, but they know how to play the innocent old person card when it suits them. The "I'm a helpless old person" act works with the police, judges, social workers, neighbors, and any onlookers who might be able to validate their complaint against another individual(s).

    I currently have an acquaintance who uses this act frequently, but I've known her since before she was a feeble aging person. She was never a good mother or grandmother. She was always self-centered, negative, and incessantly complaining. She still holds a grudge about things that happened when she was a rebellious child, hellbent on chasing bad boys. As long as I've known her, she's been a control freak. Sweet? Not yet.

    A middle-aged thief will become an elderly thief. The bottom line: if a woman (or a man) is not "sweet", whatever that means, at 40 or 50, she won't be sweet at 70 or beyond. Just frail, or sick, or maybe just slowing down. Our nature and our personalities don't improve for age and age alone.

    Whatever we want to be when we're old and running down is what we should strive to be now. Whether that notion of our golden years is "sweet", or energetic, or charitable, or smart, or wise, or loving, there is no magic line we cross over to start. Now is the time to practice the good qualities we want to have then. Otherwise, it's just pretense.