Down the Rabbit Hole

Kurban Bayrami

Today is a holiday for him. Called, Kurban Bayrami, it’s the time for Turkish Muslims when a sheep is slaughtered and the meat distributed to the poor. This year I think he’s feeling its passing more poignantly because of the distance of his family…and not just the family members still living in Turkey. I’ve tried to talk to him about what feels like his self-isolation from his family here but it turns into an argument of sorts. I think, despite his insistence otherwise, that it is partially my fault. I have not had an easy relationship with his only sister here and that can not be comfortable for him. It may be part of the reason why they don’t make more of an effort to get together more with him. He seems increasing quiet and withdrawn when they do get together. I feel badly for him. It seems different only when his mother is here, as if they are a family for the sake of her alone. It is all in sharp contrast to the way my family is. It seems we all actively seek out excuses to get together and party. Tonight we will go to his friend’s home to celebrate the holiday and I am happy for this. He needs his own family connections, regardless of what form they take. That is a connection I can never give him.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about our respective religions and the fact that neither one of us are particularly observant. I rarely go to church unless it’s for weddings or funerals and there are limited opportunities for him to attend mosque. He marks the special days of his faith, more out of devotion to his mother and his family than any religious occupation. His explanations for things pertaining to his faith often seem as if he possess only a pedestrian understanding. Sundays, the traditional holy day for Catholics, pass by each week without only the briefest of thoughts of my attending church. I’m sure if we had children, our responsibilities to our faiths would make us more attentive. I know we both feel children should be raised with an understanding of God and of Allah. They should be educated as each of us were and given an opportunity to pursue whatever path in which they feel closest to their God. I wonder sometimes though, if by not reinforcing our own connection now, we will be ineffective teachers for our children.