Can we talk?

Structure for Children

      I have worked in preschools, secular and church, and have found Baptist preschool groups to have a very sound structure for children. They concentrate on 8 main areas: self, family, friends, others, nature, church, God, and Jesus. If you were working with your own kids or a secular school, you could leave out the last three and still have a superb program. (Still many sociologists and psychologists make a case for spiritual development for every individual, even without religion, but that's not the subject here.) Here is a brief synopsis.

      Starting with self: Some children grow up in an environment where they are constantly criticized, or told no. I have heard children called stupid, or ugly, or a pain. One lady told me in front of her four year old child that he was an accident. He was indeed a problem child, but I wasn't annoyed by him; I thought he was adorable. Unfortunately, he was growing up with a bad self image, and it caused him to act out. The child needs to be told he is good, even if he sometimes does bad things. God made him and loves him. The teacher or parent needs to confirm that he is valuable and cherished. Words help, but children learn from example and by doing. His main job is to play and to grow. He needs positive reinforcement when he does things right like wash his hands, or put away his toys. Smiles go a long way.

    Family: Children need to respect their parents without being afraid of them. They need to be able to live with and care for siblings. Stories or activities that reinforce this help him to understand that his family is important to him and that he is a vital part of the family. You can talk about the roles of family members and how he can help. Role playing is excellent. Talking about how he can be a helper to Mom or to Dad or baby brother is a good activity. And we use our "indoor" voices.

    Friends: A child doesn't have to share his own personal things, but it would be nice if he would. You can explain to him in simple words, and let him have the option. Don't get mad at him because he won't share. If the toy is the other child's, he may have to give it up if the other child won't share. Tit for tat. Stories and games should reinforce that we have fun with friends, and that we help friends. We don't tell their secrets or hurt our friends. Very simple rules will last a lifetime. Remember the first things a child learns in nursery school are: "I had it first" and "That's mine".

    Others: We teach children to care about the less fortunate, like the homeless, the sick, the hungry, the boys and girls in a war-torn country. Don't be too general; you have to specify other children or nurses or soldiers, for example. "People" is too broad a term for preschoolers and kindergarteners. They have to be taught it's not just me, me, me. We collect canned food or make pictures for the nursing home. We let them collect their pennies to fight world hunger.

    Church: If in a church setting or in the private home, the child learns about church. He learns about the building, the worship, who the church honors, singing, praying,  who works in the church. They learn about working together as a team to accomplish big tasks. The child learns that he is an important person in the church and not just a person in the movies or some other entertainment.

      These first five are about relationships with people. The next one is Nature. We can go on nature walks, talk about sand, have pictures of animals, play with toy animals, plant seeds in cups and watch them grow. We learn about Smokey the Bear and taking care of the world around us. Songs can reinforce their enjoyment of nature and reinforce their roles as caretakes of the earth. And of course, we emphasize that God made nature and man.

    That brings us to God. The emphasis is on God the creator, and God the Heavenly Father.  God loves children. Jews and Muslims can go along with this point. Atheists can not. But it might be difficult for most people in a secular setting to present God without using a specific point of view. Don't complicate your discussions of God with a child. God is not the boogy man, so his name shouldn't be used to scare children into behaving.

    The last is Jesus as the Son of God. Obviously, public schools would not allow this. If a parent chooses to teach this last one, the emphasis is on love, and demonstrating the right way to live. We tell stories of Jesus as a boy, so that we show his humanity. Children aren't going to comprehend ideas that many adults can't grasp. Keep it simple. Jesus wants us to tell the truth, to help others, to love God, and to honor our parents.

    Furthermore, in the Baptist preschool programs, teachers are told to get down on the child's level. Bend or squat to look him in the eye when he enters and when you say good-bye. Hold them as often as necessary. Use positive reinforcement, not negative reinforcement. Never criticize any creative work. Keep them busy. And if discipline is necessary, use the time out method, allowing one minute for each year of age. This works up to age eight. Never use stronger discipline, or leave the child in the corner for longer periods of time. He can't concentrate and will forget why he's being punished. Be consistent in your instructions. And keep calm.

    Structure is important for a child. So are values. Make-believe is vital in his growing up. Listen when a small child speaks to you, even though your mind may be very cluttered, and he's long winded. Look that child in the eye like he's the most important person in the world and acknowledge what he says. That will give you happier children.