My Writer's Cramp Pieces

Warfare in my Kitchen

A Writer’s Cramp Challenge (1,000 words/24 hours)

Prompt: Write a story or poem about a revolt by common household (or office) objects.

Warfare in My Kitchen

The revolt of the dishes
Clang, clattered and clapped
As the spoons beat out a rhythm.

And as I watched, I thought, “Oh, my!” tomorrow I won’t have any dishes. I’ll have to use hands, I guess, or maybe even my lap. I’ll have no place for broccoli unless I cook it on a leaf.

I suddenly moaned, for the nightmare was worse. Now the forks were marching in.

“We’re here,” they bellowed and screamed.
"What is this business?
Why all the noise from the dishes?"

“Oh, no!” cried I as the forks raised their slingshots and the dishes lifted up their rims. It was a terrible sight, this battle before me. For they all looked ugly with their faces so fierce.

Then things got worse, for the spoons jumped next to the plates. Then knives came out of the drawers, to stand shoulder to shoulder with forks.

Disaster in my kitchen
Dying forks and glassware plates,
I hid my face and wept.

And then what should appear?

Bursting from out of my cupboards stepped my gleaming pots and pans.
The noise was a horrible clamor, growing louder and louder as the lids rolled out. Soon they chased my brand new sauce pans, spanking their shiny copper bottoms.

I sank in my chair and watched
As spoons and forks hit the floor
For the battle was becoming a war.

“Stop!” I cried. “Don’t fight anymore. I’ll give you the whole day off.”


As suddenly as the conflict started, the dishes sat down; the forks stopped their charges. And all the pots danced around with the lids. Wherever I looked, there was laughter and smiles, so I tiptoed off to work.


I can’t imagine what I’ll find in my kitchen when I go home tonight. But as sure as pepper likes salt, I’m most definitely eating out.

309 words