Second Helpings

Dietary Dilemmas

Checking a chart I recently discovered to my chagrin my weight and cholesterol are above average. Charming! I was not chuffed and chided myself to face the challenge of changing what I chew and chomp. To stand any chance of changing I channelled my thoughts into what my choices of food are and discovered most begin with ‘ch.’ Cheese, chips, chocolate, chilli and chutney are the chief offenders. Add to that the regular intake of Chardonnay and the occasional Chablis, Chianti and Champagne.

It’s childish to blame chemicals, a chink in my character or chromosomes. Only I can choose what gets past my chops and adds chunks to my chin, chest and chassis. No, I have to chuck out the junk, keep away from chopsticks and Chinese takeaways and stop chugging. Time to start a new chapter and be a cherub of a chef. Still, there are cheap and cheerful recipe choices to check out. Chicken, chives and cherries will be fine but I think I’d choke if I had chowder soup. It will be a bit of a chore but I will take charge and become chic and charismatic, instead of a chunky chick.

On the other hand the most’orrible options to put into your orifice and force down your oesophagus all start with the letter ‘O’ in my opinion. Olives, offal, octopus, oily fish and oysters are obnoxious, obscene and should be obliterated. I’m not fond of omelettes either, not having a liking for anything ovoid or oviparous. Oranges, oatcakes and onions are okay, but it won’t be an ordeal to opt out of eating other odious foods. I won’t obsess over what offends my olfactory and oral senses, but I will make an oath to obey the rules so I don’t become more overweight or an obese oaf.

Obviously, I’ll be observing what goes in my oven and opting for less overindulgent offerings, although I may be obtuse and obstinate on the odd occasion. I will let nothing obstruct my optimistic outlook as I observe oodles of ounces of obdurate fat drop off this old ornery.

I had dictionary for dinner today. Do your food preferences or dislikes seem to link to any letter of the alphabet?