My Newsletters (Mainly Fantasy)

October, 2009: Nightmares of Poor Grammar

As one of your Fantasy editors, my goal is to challenge you to think outside the KNOWN and to help you inject your tales with fascinating facts while jagging left and right through troublesome frolics and teethe-writhing dilemmas.

Perhaps we can help each other to safely jog through these twisty turns of radical thought, alternate viewpoint, and dynamic detail. Come! Let’s head down the Path of Dimensions, untextured by any earthly array.

In other words,

let’s drop out of reality for awhile.

Shall we?

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Nightmares of Poor Grammar

There are certain teeth-gritting errors that send me spiraling down into the caverns of horror. I can’t bear to see them; they rock me from my calm, cast me out of literary enjoyment, and sometimes, if repeated too frequently, completely halt my reading.

I have decided that this month’s editorial will be concerning these ghastly Nightmares of Poor Grammar.


In order of horrificness:

1. their vs. there

It really is not that difficult to see the difference between these two homophones, but fingers grow careless when typing rapidly. I usually practice the little ditty I preach to my second grade students:

If it’s not here, then it must be there.
If it’s not there, then where is it?

The beauty of this saying is that it correctly teaches the spelling of all bolded words.
It also helps avoid the homophone uncertainties of hear vs. here, where vs. wear, and, of course, the very problem that I am addressing here:

There is most often a place. It can also be an announcement;
there are seven books on that shelf.

Their, on the other hand, is an adjective which requires a noun to follow it.

Their favorite dragon writes stories.

The aliens saw that their spaceships all had heavy dents in their sterns.

Yes, there is another they’re, but that’s the easiest.

It’s a contraction which stands for they are.

They are my antennae. The fairies said they’re not going to use magic potions.


2. it’s vs. its

For this detrimental divisionary dilemma, all I can say is that the fingers slide too smoothly past to be concerned with apostrophes.
This is one situation where editing is essential.

The old standby is: Can I say it is (it’s) in the sentence?

It’s the first castle past the warlock’s cottage.

It is the first castle past the warlock’s cottage.

vs.

Its requires a noun following it:

The demon removed its head before smiling a yellow-toothed crater of a grin.


3. In order of my personal ghastly torments, the next one is:

Then vs. than


Then refers to time placement.

I will first wash the stallion’s flank. Then I will polish his hooves.

Than is for comparison. The giant is much taller than the dwarf.


I know that sometimes it seems that taking time to achieve grammar correctness is a time-stealer and a bothersome detail, but errors like those I’ve just pointed out really detract from a tale’s readability.

For me, it’s like the time I went to the cinema to see a Star Trek movie and had to put up with a cell-phone talker behind me. The rude person jerked me out of the futuristic world I’d paid so much money to visit. I was so irritated that if I’d been a person who dealt in violence, I would have doused him with pickle juice. (He really deserved something equally as vile!)

You REALLY don’t want to do that to your readers.
Not only would you find pickle juice exceedingly sticky and uncomfortable, but your goal as a writer is to entertain without causing your reader to grind his teeth with irritation.

Thus, please tune into the horrors I’ve pointed out. I haven’t requested that you learn the difference between lie and lay, lend and loan, or even attacked your poor, innocent adverbs. I’ve only asked for three sweet, sanity-inducing corrections, something every educated dragon, magician, and alien thoroughly comprehends and observes.


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Delicious and tasty morsels to tickle your tongue and savor:

Invalid Item  This item number is not valid. #1451357 by Not Available.

This combines a sad story of rape with an extra-sensory result. Wow!

Anywhere I went, I never knew if I’d be swept into darkness at a moment’s notice. A trip to the grocery store buying milk. Shopping at Macy’s and trying on a dress in the fitting room. Lying in the dentist’s chair—I must’ve surprised Dr. Nolan and his staff when I bolted out in the middle of a cleaning. I called back and blamed it on a lifelong fear of the dark. That was almost true.

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Pawn En Prise  (13+) "Summon your family. -All- of your family..." #1465593 by silverfeathers

After her brothers’ battle to regain the throne, Keira finds herself the pawn of redemption.

Keira saw her parents glance at each other, but before they could speak, DuFey stepped forward once more. "She was engaged at three years of age to a Lord Toulane, your highness, though I'm not sure that they ever met face-to-face. In any case, the marriage did not take place before his lordship perished in the recent conflict."

"Ah. My deepest sympathies. And may I say you're holding up well under the weight of your broken heart, Lady Keira."

Her broken heart indeed! Keira opened her mouth to give the sarcastic whoreson a piece of her mind, but her father was already bowing. "Thank you, your highness," he said, with downcast eyes.

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Invalid Item  This item number is not valid. #1582433 by Not Available.

What if the pathway through the stars, leads some to an altered state of mind?

The others began to notice our frozen state as well. Worse yet, the fear filling them increased with every passing minute. They asked many questions. Why aren’t we moving? When will this end? I can’t move! We’re trapped! Their voices grew until a searing pain went through my head.

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Invalid Item  This item number is not valid. #1588152 by Not Available.

Sadly, human nature doesn’t change, even on Mars.

“Why did I do this?” I wondered aloud. Of course, I already knew the answer. I wanted to be appreciated. I wanted to be alone. I wanted to be treated as an equal! At that moment, all I wanted was to survive.

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Invalid Item  This item number is not valid. #1460792 by Not Available.

This is a fun adventure into a land where monsters really prowl.

The attack happened so swiftly that Zelia was caught completely off guard. The blow to her head dropped her to her knees in a shallow section of the river. Still blessedly conscious, she was able to hold out a protective hand to the babe strapped to her bosom while catching herself with her other hand. Fear tightened her throat as she scrambled to her feet, half-expecting another blow to come from her unknown assailant. Nearby, a large stone sat innocently by her foot, and before the gently lapping waves washed it away, Zelia saw her blood coating its surface.

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Fatespinner: Fear of the Dark  (18+) All is not right in the town of Elirussa. #889461 by Renfucious

This is an intriguing novel beginning – a fight between elves and monsters of the night. It’s so much fun to step into an alternate world (although I’m glad I don’t live there; these monsters are NOT friendly!)

Falling sideways as it tumbled, the chair bounced off of something to the left of the image, and Círdon’s blade followed close behind it. The creature’s surprised grunt gave way to the resounding impact of steel on skull as his stroke connected. Slumping to the floor, its image shimmered and disappeared, revealing its true form—identical, but two feet to the side. It looked like some mutated mountain cat, blue-black fur glistening in the dim light. The tentacles hung limp from its back, the thorns on each tip as sharp as the thing’s claws.

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Comments:

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The following comments are in regards to my September FANTASY NEWSLETTER:

My Newsletters (Mainly Fantasy)  (ASR) These are the Newsletters I have written so far for Writing.com. #1531809 by Shaara

Sadly, there are few who bothered to let me know what they thought.

Please, please comment about the newsletters. Otherwise, we editors wonder if anyone is really reading them.

Sigh (except for the dear, sweet people who did comment.)


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Meanwhile . . .

Thank you, thank you to the people who did write in and give me input!

csd Submitted Comment:

Just to let you know...my birthday is January 1st :)

How neat! You and the thoroughbreds (and possibly aliens on Planet Xychotrestrimanica have a real connection!

Lucky you, to have the whole world celebrating with you!


Lorien Submitted Comment:

What an interesting newsletter! You always give us great insights into little things that can make our fantasy worlds more original and more compelling.

P.S. Thanks for featuring my item!

Bless you and your kind words.
You really made my day. I love to feature excellent stories and poems!



Lothmorwel Submitted Comment:

Nice one, I'm totally with you here. I'm taking so bloomin' long trying to work out the rules of magic in my story, all cos it has to fit in with the laws of physics. Obviously, magic is fantastical and made-up, but I imagine you'll know what I mean when I say I want to make my fantasy story as 'real as possible'.


I do understand. Magic has rules. So does sci/fi. But I think that both worlds have it easier than the historical novels/stories where so many folks are ready to pounce on a mistake. I have to do SO much research to write historic fiction -- every item, every saying, every setting, description, and even every vocabulary word has to be carefully pondered . . . Ack!

Only in sci/fi and fantasy do I feel free to invent and play.

Real as possible – Thank goodness because it’s that invention part that holds most of the fun. We authors get to imagine a world that is different than ours!

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