Second Helpings

Dormouse

Despite still feeling coach-lagged and snuffly, my friend Joy and I decided to brave the elements yesterday and go shopping in Nottingham. She returned with a box of chocolate buttons and I purchased a ninety-nine pence sticker book of Peppa Pig. Humbug profits will surely rise sharply after the last of the big spenders hit the town.

The truth is I think we're just Humbugged out and can no longer be arsed with it. Saturation point seems to arrive earlier every year in line with the ever increasing premature hype. It seems the shops are also ready to call it a day. Everywhere Humbug displays are decreasing in size, goods are being bundled onto trolleys and staff preparing for the post humbug season.

In other words they've sold as much as they think they'll sell and are all ready for marking down everything for the sales. In my youth these were referred to as the January sales, but I gather shops will reopen on Boxing Day this year, so we can all return unwanted gifts and witness things we bought in November now a third of the price. Oh, how will we cope with the shops closed for one whole day over the season of profit goodwill?

I guess by then adverts for summer holidays abroad and Easter eggs will be in full swing. If I get back on my diet and join a gym I should be able to buy a bikini by February, a Halloween costume in April and then start buying Humbug cards for 2010 in June. With a bit of luck, if we carry on living in such a fast and futuristic way we could all disappear up our own backsides pretty soon. Hopefully they don't celebrate humbug up there. I wish I'd been born rich instead of sarcastic.

So my weary friend and I boarded the last train home feeling rather deflated and very tired. We had to take it in turns to force our eyes open or we'd have ended up at the end of the line fast asleep. Not like us at all, so we're either showing our age or suffering from the symptoms of Humbugitis and just wanting to hibernate until it's all over.

The weather didn't help as it pimply sissed down all day. Today has been bitterly cold with high winds and snow flurries. The forecast is for even worse tomorrow and the advice is to stay at home unless absolutely necessary. Looks like a cosy day in with hubby then - Oh Joy. Maybe I'll have a dormouse day and just stay under the duvet.