Blogocentric Formulations

Letting Go

The diagnosis for my beloved Jeep isn't good. After 14 years and almost 287,000 miles, the transmission guys called and said they found some other problems with the transmission when they were repairing the leaks. The long and short of it is that I can patch up the leaks for $800, or fix it up right for $2,000.

After very careful consideration, we decided to just patch it up and see what happens. The other problems could manifest in a week, a month, or a year. The point is, there's now a ticking clock on the car, and it could give out at any moment. And since we can't afford the $2,000 for the repairs, we definitely can't afford to buy another car until I'm fully employed again. Besides, if we paid two grand to fix the transmission, the transmission might be "as good as new", but the rest of the car is still 14 years old and has 287,000 miles of wear and tear on them... so my new transmission that "will last for years and years" may be sitting in a car whose engine goes out in three months.

Most of all, I'm worried about not reaching my goal of 300,000 miles. My first car was a Jeep and I hit 225,000 miles before I gave it up. I really want this one to get into the 300s... but I guess at this point, it's going to be up to fate. The wife and I are going to try carpooling a couple days a week and taking her car (no spring chicken itself at 15 years old and 178,000 miles!) for longer trips; hoping to stretch out the Jeep's life to the point where we can save up a little for the impending new car and - fingers crossed - put those last 13,000 miles on that Jeep!

At the end of the day, I'm no worse off that I was before the holidays... I drive an old, world weary vehicle that could decide to go out on me at any moment. All I really did was pay to fix the immediate transmission problems.

So why do I feel like I just put a bullet in the chamber and spun the cylinder?