My Newsletters (Mainly Fantasy)

March, 2010: The Monsters in Our Minds

About the Newsletter:

As one of your Fantasy editors, my goal is to challenge you to think outside the KNOWN and to help you inject your tales with fascinating facts while jagging left and right through troublesome frolics and teethe-writhing dilemmas.

Perhaps we can help each other to safely jog through these twisty turns of radical thought, alternate viewpoint, and dynamic detail. Come! Let’s head down the Path of Dimensions, untextured by any earthly array.

In other words,

let’s drop out of reality for awhile.

Shall we?

Letter from the Editor

The Monsters in Our Minds

We can’t do without monsters -- not and still be fantasy writers. How could we have a story? No monstrous aliens? No villains with cavernous mouths, hairy armpits, stinky breath, glowing eyes, teeth straight as swordfish swords and just as deadly. . .?

We’ve just got to have monsters. So where do we get them?

Why, from the deepest, darkest, dampest gutters of our minds, of course!

Now I’ll be the first to admit that I can’t do horror. I hide when villains turn villainous. I cringe when monsters drip too much slime, and that nasty, noxious, nefarious neoplasm of glandular secretions either dissolves, hisses, rots, or otherwise starts off the death process.

Oh, I can endure bad breath – if it’s not breathing down the back of my neck at a distance of millimeters, centimeters, or even meters. . . but I’m not eager to add to horror’s horribleness. I prefer the tamer sort.

I like monsters that DON' T act predictably. I want a giant monster who squeaks instead of roars. I like monsters who say “please” and “thank you,” monsters that suck their thumbs, carry teddy bears, or at least take me by surprise IN SOME kind of sweet and sappy WAY.

So today, I’ve decided to take you on a brief tour of four monsters I spotted recently on my travels through space. (Actually none of them are really monsters; they’re aliens, but, if I were writing fantasy, I’d call them monsters.)

First I must admit that you’ve probably built better monsters in your brain than I. I bet yours are more ferocious, more interestingly vile, more vulgar and erudite with curses . . .

I teach second grade, so I sway a little more gently down horror’s path – for now. (Just wait until I retire. Then one day all those Steven King monsters inside my head will rear their ugly speckled heads, and I may walk the mists of the gravely or swampy, stinky, putrid dark side --

Or not.

Anyway, welcome to my kingdom of monsters (aliens.)

Please won’t you comment below and share your favorite made-up monster? I’m curious, and I know, so are all the other authors at Writing.com. Which monster teases, tiltilates, torments, or tests the threshold of your throttle?

But for now . . .

Enter . . .

Wait! I see the frown on your forehead. You scratch your dandruff-filled head of hair (Well, maybe it's shiny and not full of dandruff. What do I know?) But I do see your mouth start to pucker. You wet your lips, and then you ask: What is the point in this walk through the frightening, I mean, the unusual monsters of your mind?

Why simply said, it’s to dig up YOUR images.

AND, hopefully to make you think.

You see, here in our Writing.com kingdom, we are the authors of the future. They/we/I have a responsibility to prepare humanity for the aliens (or alternate world) creatures who may one day come and visit. (I hope!)

We can’t accept Hollywood’s versions (Remember Alien ? That poor creature was probably just looking for his Mommy. It wasn't his fault that people kept getting in the way.)

(Well, it is true I never saw that movie. The scariest move I ever watched was Arachnophia, and I viewed it beneath a blanket that partly covered my eyes. )

But I was talking about our responsibility. We must take a vow.

We authors and readers will not assume that UGLY means horrid.

On that note:

I will first introduce the Qualamonga -- who despite having a double row of teeth -- live peacefully with the other creatures of their planet. Although a human might shiver and shake when encountering a Qualamonga, the truth is that these sweet-natured creatures usually munch on nothing but hard crustaceans. They’re also as friendly as month-old puppies. They grind their teeth to show their enthusiasm for meeting new folks, and although they do salivate a bit, it's with good intentions. (On their world crustaceans are non-animate, by the way.)

The Strajans, meanwhile, are cute and purple, but you wouldn’t want to get too friendly. The females (I can’t tell the two genders a part. Sorry.) do drip venom from each barbed toe, so be careful.

Strajans probably wouldn’t bother you if you just walked about in the planet's curly-leaved plains, but I must warn you: Never eat a banana anywhere near them. Strajans can’t resist bananas. They go slightly ape, if you know what I mean.

Oh, and if one of the Strajans' hairs touches you, you will itch for days. (Only a mixture of vinegar and tobacco sauce will provide relief. Apply every hour.)

An Amecian may look almost human, but his or her soul is darker than sweaty tar. An Amecian’s favorite sport just happens to be death. (That’s why, personally, I prefer to avoid them.)

But I've heard that they are good soccer players, and they love to bet. (They play fair, too, which is something one can't say about some of the other aliens I've come to know.)

One curious note about the Amecians is that they love to laugh. If you ever get into a tight corner while visiting, tell jokes -- lots of them, and then RUN before the Amecians stop laughing.

(Be careful not to trip on the boggo plants. They have to be jumped over. Never touch a boggo plant, either. Their sticky sap draws the supors, a small eight-limbed anthropod similar to ants, except with teeth.)

As to the Corinths, I can’t tell you much, except that they keep to themselves. Oh, and it’s a big mistake to look at their feet. (Notice I didn’t draw any feet.)

I don’t know why the Corinths have foot hang ups, but since each colorful spot on their body is a potential sucker-mouth, I thought it prudent NOT to ask.

As to hands and arms, the Corinths don’t need any, for Corinths are telekinetic.

My last curious alien (or fantasy character) is the Detark. It is a sin to wear clothes on their planet. The Detark believe that the body is a reflection of their god. Since the Detark are not born with clothes on their backs, they consider clothes to be a mockery of godhood. (If you ponder a visit to Detarken, better plan not to wear clothes. The last visitor, who wore only his underwear, was kept in a jail cell until his boxers rotted away.)

The Detarken in my illustration was a sketch of an “extremely attractive male” who had just won a local beauty contest. You can see the medal on his chest. (Apparently, on Detarken, “wearing” a medal is not in conflict with their laws.)

I hope you enjoyed the “monsters in my mind.”


Please send me one of your own, and I’ll put it in my next Fantasy Newsletter. (April)

Let’s see who comes up with the best, the scariest, and the most radically diverse “monster." (Pictures of humans not accepted.)


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Featured this month



"Zana…Zana!"

Zana cracked one eye open and peered surreptitiously at her mistress.

"It's no use pretending you're still asleep. I know you're awake. Now, hurry up. There's a Lost Soul standing right on the corner, and you have to catch her before she disappears into the crowd."


So begins a delightful tale of a witch and her pixie and the good deed they do.

Invalid Item  This item number is not valid. #1603828 by Not Available.

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"Warren Spencer's fever continues to worsen," he said, turning serious. As he shifted the book in his hands, I glimpsed the spine. 'Oh, gods,' I thought, unable to stifle an involuntary shudder. It wasn't one of my father's well-worn medical books as I had hoped, but the magic book John bought after my father died eight months ago.


One of my favorite stories on Writing.com comes next. I’m warning you that it’s a bit dark, but it’s so good, you won’t regret the read. I think it’s amazing. The author steals you into her fantasy and just won’t let you go… I think she must have some strong magic!

The Price of Magic  (ASR) Fantasy about magic's source. #776627 by Colony

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Kaleigh glanced at her watch in disbelief. Impossible, she thought. She flipped through the dog-eared “Player’s Handbook” to the section on “Death and Resurrection.” The Handbook clearly stated that there was no way to resurrect a character that had been dead for more than seven minutes.

This is another nail biter. I was enthralled from the moment I started. You will be too, I bet. This is one story you don’t want to miss!

Invalid Item  This item number is not valid. #325767 by Not Available.

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The Kid realized they were leading him through the looking glass, and he went, willingly, because Merde was pulling him along. He heard faint tinkling music, and saw a colorful truck approach slowly on the street. The three of them—Mobius, Merde, and himself, now called Peo—stood by the window that slid open. A hand extended, offering him a Popsicle. He took it, unwrapped it, and licked it. It was cherry.

A kind female face smiled at him from the open window. “I knew you’d pick cherry,” she said. “Now save the world from the Katryx.

Boy, have I got something new and exciting! This is weird city, but a giggle and a half!

STATIC

The Katryx  (18+) Katya, up to her old tryx! #850746 by Katya the Poet

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If you’re totally brain-dead after that escapade, I’ll twirl you around sixteen times and send you back into the weird – this time a la aliens and peanut butter! Try this amazingly delicious ride!



When it happened to me, I jerked upright in bed (I thought) and rolled down a ramp smack into a pit of sticky, brown goo. I was covered in the stuff! As I struggled to sit up, it dawned on me that the smell of the goo was familiar. Not a bad smell. It smelled like--like peanut butter, that’s it! What in the world was I doing sitting in a giant tub of peanut butter?

Peanut Butter Cookies--An Alien Recipe  (E) How would you convince aliens that chocolate goes best with peanut butter? #978692 by GailS

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Since it seems that I’ve stumbled into silliness today, I’ll give you one of my own – a truly zany deluge of ridiculousness – at least, I think it’s ridiculousness ??????



It wasn't only Dusty who had seasick legs. Many of the younger cows were also staggering at odd moments. Strangely I noticed that it came about just after an odd little shimmer of air rippled in the sunshine. It was just flicker of a light, one that caused no more than a second of miniature rainbows sparkling and dancing about the cow's flanks. But after several hours of watching, I began to understand what I was seeing. I was witnessing the brilliance of cows.

STATIC

Why Cows Don't Fly  (E) The Milkman says that cows don't fly. He is right, but. . . #789066 by Shaara

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Moving away from goofy . . .

For those who like time travel, this is a good one. It’s super creative and provides some interesting thought as to what would happen if we changed history.


Suddenly a bright light bathed the inside of the tube. The tube roared and shook with an incredible force. Just when I thought I would go mad, everything went black. The shaking slowed, and then stopped. A flashing green light informed me I had arrived. I gathered my courage and opened the door.

Invalid Item  This item number is not valid. #210791 by Not Available.

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That’s all for this month. See you in April!




Comments from February’s Newsletter


First off, a big thank you to everyone who wrote in about my last newsletter!

Hip, hip, hoorah!

Yes, you are VERY appreciated.

Please, everyone else --- please, please comment!

Your words are the bread and water (and chocolate cake)

for all of us Fantasy Newsletter Editors!

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By:Ash

Comment:
I love the pictures that always accompany these newsletters. :)

Keep up the good work,

Ash

Thank you so much! You don’t know how nice it is to hear that someone appreciates them! Big hug!

By: scribbler

Comment:
GREAT DRAWINGS (painting?)

Thanks! A publisher just told me that if they accepted one of my books, they would dump all my illustrations. My soul is bruised. Your kind words just put a bandage on them. Thank you!

By: kristiana

Comment:
I like your pictures, especially the mouse on the skateboard, even if they do look like they were drawn by my six year old niece. LOL

Alas. I think I am only six years old. I don’t know why my body doesn’t say the same thing. Sigh. Oh, well, Picasso said we should all paint like children. LOL At least I’d please him. FOFL


By: Raine
Comment:
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
Arthur C. Clarke, "Profiles of The Future", 1961 (Clarke's third law)
English physicist & science fiction author (1917 - )


You are absolutely correct! Thank you. It’s so nice to hear that quote again. I had forgotten it.



By: omni_squirrel/Keev

Comment:
Hey Shaara,

I figured since you asked so nicely, I might as well comment.

The newsletters always present a joy. When I see the "My Email: 3 new" text it's almost like receiving a present. Then I'm taunted because the present has been wrapped three times, taped twelve, and stapled everywhere. You know, because my internet connection is...slow...

Your newsletters are quite thought-provoking and interesting. Your unique flair and quirky ideas accomplish your goal of making me think outside the known. Thank you very much, and please keep helping us newbies out!

Thank you, thank you! You just made my day.

I am sorry that my illustrations make your present hard to open. Sigh. Someday we’ll all have fast connections (for free.) At least that’s my dream!

I shall continue hunting for newbie stories. I’ll try to put in at least one (or more) each time!




By: Angelica- House Florent B & W

Comment:
Okay a comment: I always enjoy reading all your Fantasy newsletters and I want you to keep on doing it!

That’s all I needed to hear. Thank you! (But I’m afraid that each package is a baby that needs to be praised or scolded. Sigh.)



By: LJPC - the tortoise

Comment:
Just in the nick of time. I have to transport characters from their city dwelling to the magical 'Shrouded Forest' and I haven't a clue how I'll do it. But this NL is full of interesting ideas. Thanks! -- Laura

Thank you. I’m so happy you found it useful. I love hearing that something I’ve written provokes a new story! Wow! (Don’t look now, but I’ve suddenly started glowing!)




Tadpole1

Thank you for the light-hearted article. I love fantasy.

Tadpole1


I’m so glad you enjoyed the article. I love fantasy, too. It’s so much more interesting than real life, at times. Or maybe, I should say, it’s less prone to taxes, Wall Street dips, and bureaucratic demands! LOL Oh, and it never has tests I need to correct!