Blogocentric Formulations

Found My Dream Job

I finally found my dream job; that elusive job that combines two of my greatest loves... writing and food. No, it's not a restaurant critic. While I'm an adventurous eater and will try almost anything once, I'm also very simple in my tastes and all the fancy-schmancy culinary flourishes are usually lost on me. I just like food that tastes good. Anyway, I digress. My dream job is to be a copywriter for Trader Joe's. Like many companies, they acquire products from other vendors, and license them with their own name, branding, etc. Starbucks, for example, licenses one of their many coffee varieties to Costco, which is then marketed under Costco's "Kirkland" brand. Long story short, Trader Joe's, Costco, and similar companies then to create the packaging to sell these products under their own brand.

This past week, I spotted two copywriting gems. The first was the blurb on the back of a package of Danish pancakes:

         "Not that there's anything wrong with American pancakes, mind you. But Danish pancakes? Wow."

The second was in the instructions on the back of a microwaveable bag of string beans:

         "Gently massage the package to break up bean clusters."

Gently massage the package??? That just might be the most awesome and innuendo-filled set of directions I've ever read on a food product. Needless to say, if Trader Joe's allows copywriters to have a sense of humor about their branded designs (or doesn't realize it), that's definitely a place I'd like to work. Can you imagine the possibilities?

Spaghetti Instructions: "For best results, avoid having a limp noodle."
Mixed Berry Jam Blurb: "Why settle for one berry in your jam when you can have a threesome?"
Summer Sausage Blurb: "Imagine how satisfying it will be when..."

Well, I think you get the idea. Anyway, adding this to the list of jobs I wish I had.