Second Helpings

Family at War

Firstly thanks to all those who responded so kindly to my last entry. Blogville may not be the place it used to be and many may have moved on, but there is still a great group of warm, wise and supportive people here.

Now on to my second whine. Many a time I’ve stated how much simpler I believe life would be without family, but I guess that applies to many people. My family is relatively small, but between them they make sure I’m worried/depressed/annoyed/ upset/stressed on a regular basis.

First there’s my Dad. He spends most of his time in a horizontal position and seems unconcerned about anything unless it’s to do with himself. He never enquires about my family, his grandkids or great grandkids. He’s not given anyone a card, gift or handout as far back as I can remember. True, he’s old, frail and deaf as a post, but it doesn’t help my low mood to keep visiting someone who couldn’t give a damn, when I’ve spent years taking care of his needs and recovering from the traumas he’s brought about mainly through his own stubbornness.

Then there’s hubby. Since we returned from the USA in June he’s been suffering from some sort of ailment which seems to be baffling medical science. He must have undergone every test imaginable yet still everything looks perfect on paper and no diagnosis is forthcoming. Just when we think and hope he’s improving he’ll have another of his arthritic attacks and off we go again. No golf, no activity, no help in the home. Just another long session of pill popping, chair sitting and complaining. I do notice he can eat, drink, watch sport, interrogate my every move and stay up late at night however. Without wishing to sound unsympathetic I’m starting to wonder if some of it is psychosomatic and a good excuse for not allowing me any breathing space whatsoever.

I don’t see a lot of my stepdaughter and her family as they live quite a distance away and she has a lot of other family. However, we do like to get together for birthdays, special occasions and the odd family outing. Her twin boys and my son’s kids get on very well and generally these occasions are pleasant. However, when she pulled out of joining us for a meal for Paul’s 30th birthday with the excuse she was too busy, all hell let loose. Paul had booked a restaurant, his children were looking forward to seeing their cousins and the excuse seemed feeble considering the twins are at school all day and she doesn’t work.

This resulted in last weekend being one of ill feeling all round and something I can well do without. We had the twins for a stopover while stepdaughter and hubby had a weekend away to celebrate their wedding anniversary. That too ended up in disaster for them, which at least took the onus off the other matter and hopefully things are straightening out between everyone now. My son and his half sister were very close at one stage and it’s upsetting when they have these spats, but that’s something which started when he introduced his foreign, volatile wife into the equation.

I do my best to accept Mey Ling and although it’s difficult at times, I believe we’ve made a lot of progress and given them a lot of support over the last four years. I admit there are times when I could cheerfully strangle her, but we’re over the hump now and all I want is for them to be happy, make a go of it and ensure the children are settled. A couple of weeks ago I spent two hours on the phone with her in the wee small hours of the morning listening to her latest concerns and complaints. Seems they’d had one of their frequent rows and she needed someone to talk to. She made some valid points, but as usual I conclude it’s six of one and half a dozen of the other and they both have some growing up to do. Things are more settled again for the moment, but it’s only a matter of time.

Paul has gone for a weekend in Estonia today with his mates, a belated birthday celebration. Mey Ling is having a girly weekend at home with her mates, so you can guess what we’ve got for the weekend. I suspect sixty hours of constant kiddy company and broken sleep may just be what I need before I’m declared totally insane and locked away in an institution.

But providing I survive, I plan on spending a few days at my sister’s next week. At least there’s one member of the family who’s as sensible, intelligent, well balanced, amenable and harmonious as myself.