Can we talk?

Again

  Another year. Another Christmas and I'm not ready. There's barely enough time to get off from work, get the last two gifts, and get home and then to start the serious stuff: Wrapping, moving presents to the tree, last minute dusting, vacuuming, polishing. And laundry, fresh linens, the usual pre-guest rituals. Cooking anything that can be prepared or at least started in advance. Baking Christmas cookies.I'll feel ready about two days after Christmas. That's the way it usually happens. By then, I could be comfortable, relax and enjoy it, all and reflect on the beauty and meaning of the season. (A day late and a dollar short?)

    A family member is coming tomorrow to do his Christmas Eve dinner, a menu I wouldn't dream of for Christmas Eve, so all the things I bought will be in the freezer. True, I won't be cooking dinner, but I'm pretty sure I'll be doing the clean-up. And I can't use the kitchen while someone else is in there. I'll just do housecleaning while he occupies the kitchen. And he won't tolerate any Christmas music.

    I need a nap, but won't get one. I need a haircut, but I waited too late. I know it all sounds petty. But I feel like the rush is on, expectations are high, and I'll fall short, and I will be tired, and won't enjoy much of it all. No matter how much I try to prepare, to shop early, to plan, to make lists and schedules, there's always the unexpected. And other people just don't get on board with my expectations or plans! None of us live in a vacuum. Those people we try to please and who might be trying to please us just get in the way of our dreams and ideals.

    We all envision the holiday a little differently. We all have different tastes, different styles, different wants, and different comfort levels. Somehow the compromises never feel good. We all end up feeling a little disappointed or disillusioned. It has nothing to do with the gifts we receive, or the decorations, or society's commercialism. Maybe we've become control freaks--we want it our way! When we can't force everyone else to do it our way, we settle for less and the spirit fades. I hear so many people who go into it expecting a lot, and not getting a lot emotionally for all their effort.

    I;m going to keep working on it. I hope I live long enough to figure out how to get through it all without being angry or hurt or blue (while trying not to let others know. They just think I'm not personable.) This year I realize I'm not getting anything my way, so maybe I won't be any more disappointed than I am before it starts. I haven't given up the hope of finding some joy somewhere in all the activity.