Can we talk?

Gifts

    It's that time when people start fretting over gift giving again. "Why do we buy adults gifts?", "I hate spending all that money on gifts people don't like or won't use", etc., etc.

    Well, my first response is that if giving a gift doesn't give you joy, don't do it. I give gifts because I like to please people. I try to surprise them or get something they wouldn't get for themselves. I like making people happy. I really like a "Wow" kind of response, which can happen for a cheap gift, if the thought is right.

      Of course, it's not easy. And I do end up feeling obligated sometimes because I know that person will be getting me a gift. And I don't like most of the gifts I get. But if it makes the other person happy to give it to me, it's okay. (I am tired of scarves and gloves and lotions. I hate the Bed and Bath shop stuff because of my skin allergies.) So I also realize if I'm not so fond of mine, others aren't so fond of theirs.

    Spending a lot isn't a necessity. I try to give out hints each year of cheap gifts to make it easier on relatives. Like this year, I'm into jigsaw puzzles. I like Dove hair products and Olay skin care, and gift sets like that are available in WalMart for $12 or less. And there are some CD's I would like. On the more expensive side I'd love to have one of those spice racks sold on TV (2 for $20). But no one ever takes the hints, and I can't get them to give hints in return. 

    One person told me not to get him anything. He'd be happier seeing me take the same money and spend it on something I really like. Well, I do that all the time. And it doesn't express anything about what I feel for him. He's a dear relative. In times of hardship, he's been very generous with me. I want to express my esteem for him. He doesn't have to give anything in return.

    I've had a lot of really lean years when I couldn't do much in gift giving, because of health problems, marriage problems, divorce, etc. I was embarrassed to journey home to my generous family with so little to give. I'm on steadier financial ground right now, not overly comfortable, but improving. And now, I know we're all getting older.Our collective health is not what it used to be. I have heart trouble and it's beginning to affect my liver. My days are numbered. My uncles are in their 70's, and my dad is in his 80's--till working, but slower than he used to be. I don't know how much longer we will be together. I treasure the people who have stood by me through the hard times, and are still there. I want to give them things, no matter how paltry those things may be.

    Those measly little gifts are a symbol, not of wealth and not of degree. They're just symbols that these are special people, I appreciate them, and I need to do this symbolic act of giving them something that demonstrates their worth to me. I wrap them and label them, and give my best effort to represent my appreciation of their value.

      I hope your gift giving is a source of joy and not a headache for you.