Second Helpings

Humble Pie

Thank you again for your very kind, supportive and helpful comments over the latest situation. You have no idea how much I appreciate them.

I'm the first to admit I'm far from perfect and rather late in life have attempted to try the walk a mile in another's shoes philosophy before passing judgement. I don't always succeed and there are many times I'm not too fond of myself at all. This is one of those times.

My son phoned on Tuesday to inform us Mey Ling's father had died of his injuries. I felt bad for not taking her too seriously in the first place and even worse that although I have to believe no one would ever lie over something so serious, a tiny, tiny part of me still questioned if she's telling the truth. That's an awful confession I'm ashamed of, but life and particularly incidents from my son's relationship have made me wary and unable to fully trust. For this I apologise.

I still believe her behaviour and some of the things she's said were totally out of order and she did not approach the subject of her going to Cambodia in the correct way. But then, that is how she is and as some have pointed out I do believe she is depressed and would maybe benefit from medical intervention on that front, but she won't comply.

Anyway, any doubts must be thrown aside and the situation is now a different one. We have spoken to Mey Ling and assued her that even if she had left for Cambodia immediately she would not have arrived there in time and there was little she could do about it all anyway. We do understand if she feels she needs to go back to support her family and attend any funeral rites and have offered to pay for her flight and help with the kids in her absence. However, when she asked to borrow £2000 we had to draw the line and decline.

Research leads me to believe the daughters in a family are expected to pay for funerals, which seems rather bizarre and impractical, but I have always tried to respect her culture as best I can. However, there are four other daughters in her family and I suspect they believe all Westerners are filthy rich and can afford anything and everything. I'm also aware Mey Ling is not daft and realises I will have inherited some money, but I do not like to think my Dad worked all his life to pay for a stranger's funeral. I know she would try to pay the money back, but that would make things difficult for them over a long period of time and I could not stand by and witness them struggling further, particularly as their relationship is shaky and may not last the course. I feel bad about all that too, but am not prepared to cough up that amount of money in these circumstances.

I do believe Mey Ling is aware the family will ask for money she hasn't got and I sympathise with her when she says going out there in sad circumstances would probably only make her feel worse, so she has decided not to go. I gather things are a little calmer over at their house, but as yet we haven't seen Mey Ling to observe what her mood is like. No doubt we soon will and hopefully things will smooth over until the next drama, which I predict won't be very long.

In the midst of all this I still have much to attend to after my own father's passing. Hopefully, we have sold his humble home to a lovely young couple with a baby girl, but this means sis will be coming over next week to help clear the house and if there's time we still have to scatter Dad's ashes. So, all in all it's a pretty jolly January so far, but you know me...