Who Do I Think I Am??

This one's about making nothing outta something.

THE PROMPT: "Open Prompt y'all ... Write whatever ya like!"

Good evening y'all...another open prompt. Easy enough, right? On the surface, yes, but really, it's not. See, my life's not always that exciting, and today would be one of those days. In fact, if there was such a thing as getting credit for calling in sick during a blogging competition, I'd be taking a sick day today. But since that doesn't exist, I'll write about something I'm pretty sure nobody in the "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS"  has ever written about before: Shoplifting.

Ask anybody who's ever done time in retail, and they'll surely have crazy stories. Face it, us retailers see everything, from all types of people. Especially when it comes to shoplifting. Everyone does it...not just the shady lookin' dude in the hoodie, nor the 10-year-old who doesn't have her own money for a candy bar. I've seen old people steal candy because they either thought it was complementary, or were on too fixed of an income to pay for it, or actually felt they were entitled to it. You've got teenage girls stealing pregnancy tests because they're too afraid to tell their parents they might be knocked up, or girls stealing weight-loss supplements because society has maimed the image of beauty so much that only skanky, anorexically-thin women are beautiful and attractive. People steal batteries all the time from my store. It's theft. It's wrong, and it's ridiculous. Why is it ridiculous? Because companies nowadays, in their annual budgets, actually allow for loss of profits due to estimated theft.

But that's not even the thing that amazes me the most about shoplifting. It's the random things that people actually steal that boggles my mind. In the past few months alone, I've some across an empty box of jumper cables. I mean really?? How do you get those out of a store? Or 15" storage cubes that come two in a package? Today, in the mens' room, there were at least ten boxes of weight-loss supplements in the garbage, all without the product. How exactly do you smuggle that out of a store without sounding like a giant baby rattle?? How do you make it from one end of the store, all the way to the other side to the bathroom, de-box your take, and then come from all the way in the back, to the front of the store? Unbelieveable. I can barely carry a glass of water from the sink to the kitchen table, and some clown's jugglin' 10 pill bottles with at least 60 pills inside. Must be training for the klepto-olympics.

Another fantastic phenomenon relating to shoplifting is that people will always find something they can steal, no matter how hard you work to prevent it. When there was a notorius local gum bandit, we tagged all of our gum with stickers and moved it as close to the front as we could...and some stores even had locks installed on the gum hooks. When that couldn't be stolen anymore, it was razors and razor blades. When those got locked up, thieves moved on to all of the Ethnic Hair Care items...we'd stock the shelf and they'd all be gone by the next day. And when we finally got that under control, it was dvd players and bottles of 5-Hr. Energy drinks. So it doesn't matter what you tag, sticker or point a camera at...if you're determined enough, you'll find something.

And why is this? I can't speak to every region in the country, but my store's located in a pretty decent neighborhood. However, it is within pretty close proximity to some of the more undesireable areas of Western New York, and some of those locales still have the "mom and pop" types of convenience businesses (or, as I figure, big corporations won't step foot in these neighborhoods). And the racket they like to run is paying scumbags to go to other stores and steal shit they can turn around and resell, rather than getting their merch though proper channels. Ohhhh, society, and the ways you have of breaking my heart sometimes.

So there's my "open prompt" for the day. Not interesting, really. But I will share one final shoplifting story, and I'm pretty sure I've brought this one up before. KY sells a product called "Yours & Mine", which consists of 2 bottles of lube...one designed for "him", and one designed for "her". A woman comes in with one and wants to return it, and she's got her receipt showing that she bought two packages, so it's a legit return, right? So after processing her return, out of curiosity, I opened the cover on the box (it had one of those velcro displays where you could see what was inside without having to actually open it and touch the contents) to see what was inside. Yup, a bottle of "Yours", and another bottle of "Yours". I'll let you simmer in that one for a minute...

MUSICAL BREAK!!

Or, maybe I just needed an excuse to listen to this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MSbBkY7tAC4 And not because it's my birthday...that's later on in the year.

VITAL STATS:

If this current trend continues, I may have to change my handle on WDC, as well as several other sites. Ever since I stopped growing at the ripe age of 14, I've always bought pants that had a 30" inseam. And while I have reason to think maybe it's the shoes I wear most of the time that's causing this issue, maybe I really am starting to shrink. See, most of the pants I've bought in the last few years seem to be just long enough that I'm stepping on the back of them, and after a few months the cuffs start wearing out. In fact, the new khakis I got for work today we so long that I flipped the cuffs up just to not be walking on them. Man, it's a bitch to find pants that are a 32" waist and a 29" inseam, and Fivefiver doesn't have the same ring to it that Fivesixer does. And Fivefourer sounds terrible. Maybe if I keep spiking my hair up in the front, it won't be so bad.

It's tough on everybody in hockey these days, I guess... http://wgr550.com/Sabres--Ruff--Day-to-Day---May-Not-Coach-Wednesday/12209645

That's how exciting my day's been. Hope yours has been better. See ya tomorrow...peace, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKycffJsxGk