Who Do I Think I Am??

This one's about growing up.

THE PROMPT: "Invalid Entry" 

What's up y'all? Props to Emily for today's prompt, piggybacking it to my prompt for yesterday in true "Follow Me" fashion. Well played, girl!

So let's get down to business, shall we? "When I grow up..."



Sorry folks. Not happenin'. I've never been married, and my window for kids is slowly closing. I lived the single, frat house rules life for far too long. The first almost 37 years of childhood have been way too real for me.

But I'll play along for the sake of playing along. Seems fair.

When I grow up, I'll be making more than $10 and change per hour. And my paycheck won't be calculated by how many hours I work. Oh wait, I had a job like that once. And damn was it not a lot of fun.

I'll have a wife and a couple of kids. Not a girlfriend. And the kids will be half mine, not half somebody else's. This way, when I bitch about their shitty genes, I only have the people in-house to blame. And I'll be lookin' at my second divorce as well, eventually.

I'll have a nice car, paid for by that non-hourly job. It'll have gas and insurance, unlike cars I've owned before. And I won't get speeding or inspection tickets, because my paperwork will be up-to-date.

I'll enjoy expensive beers with my rich friends, but only occasionally. Cheap beer is for the unmotivated, slovenly manchilds who don't give much thought to their appearance or their liver.

And when I grow up, I'll have no need to jot snarky things online. I'll be sophisticated enough that you will all be able to read my mind, understand what I'm thinking, and laugh the second I raise an eyebrow in your direction. You know, that same way your parents looked at you and made you piss yourself when you knew that they knew you did something wrong.

Face it, I'm never gonna change. At 36, I am who I am, and I don't even know who that is, but he's not growing up anytime soon. If anything like that had happened, I'd be all grown up by now. I'll make bad decisions. I'll be lazy. I'll laugh at fart jokes. I'll never get old, and when I do, I'll take my revenge out on people who've reached the same age as me but look and act it, because I'll be prettier than them. I'll be the guy stealin' walkers and wheelchairs. I'll replace your meds with jelly beans. I'll hit on your nurse and take her to dinner. And then make her breakfast in the morning . Why? Because you probably didn't like me when I was a kid, and my rules and lack of moral standards don't get higher just because my number of years alive does. Or like the Twitter kids like to annoyingly do these days (and I swear to you, I'll never type these four letters in this succession ever again), #YOLO!

Now, somebody be a dear and go get me another beer.

MUSICAL BREAK!!

Well, I guess this is growing up.

VITAL STATS:

Sandwiched a day of work in between a few days off. Then I get to hang out tomorrow with some of my homo friends (and I can say that cuz they're cool with me callin' them homos) for a barbecue. Should be good times in the heart of the city.

Not an exciting day by any means. Gonna kick back in the emptiness of the house and catch up on what's goin' down in Blogville. Peace, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!

Hahahaha! Urkel really did do that!