Second Helpings

Is this real

My watch tells me humbug day has gone. My head tells me I need to get some rest and try to be sensible for once in my life. My heart tells me I need some blessed relief and support from those I know who care, wherever they are. I thank you for all your support. It does mean a lot.

We are still in a position where we can only take one day at a time. The intensive care team are satisfied things are going in the right direction and are doing all they can to help hubby come round so they can take further steps in his recovery.

My family are doing all they can to help each other and support hubby through this terrible ordeal which has left him totally reliant on machines and the expert care of nursing staff. Not an easy thing for a man who likes to be in control of everything.

We have all been there today as well as trying to ensure the little ones have a Christmas and my stepdaughter and her husband have done a great job of trying to keep this a family occasion.

Brave faces are evident in every direction and I'm doing my best, but ultimately I'm the one who has to cope alone and the one who faces a very uncertain future and the daunting task of caring for a very difficult patient. He is disturbingly agitated and as yet cannot speak due to all the machines working for him, but at least we do think he knows who we are and is responding to instructions.

That is all I know. I have support from family and friends and am blessed in that. The bigger picture is hard to explain to anyone and much as most are comforted by the fact the dire situation regarding the infection is now over, I cannot take a great deal of comfort knowing what I have to deal with as his main carer. I am trying not to be selfish, but after years of caring for parents I'm not sure I can handle this. But one day at a time as I'm always telling others.

So no it has not been a Merry Christmas in any way, but it has never meant a great deal to me. I will just be grateful when things return to a place where transport and shops resume to some semblance of normality so we can do what we have to do and focus on getting through this which is far more important than any frivolous celebrations.

There is more...much more...but it's not the time or place. I thank you for helping at this hectic time of year and will update when I can. Those prayers mean a lot.