Perpetual Ruminations

Tuesday

Here I am a little earlier today. I still didn't get the early start I had intended; planned to get up around eight this morning, which would still be a nice sleep in from the normal workday. Instead I had a restless night, tossing, turning, up quite often, and just not feeling well. On top of that, my old dog was also having a restless night with some breathing difficulties.

She would do pretty well as long as I held my arm over the side of the bed and touched her, but as soon as I moved, she would cry out until I comforted her again. She is resting soundly now but still gets up and paces from time to time, then comes to me for comfort and reassurance. She is young at heart, a playful pup in mind and spirit, but her body is wore out and failing her.

It's more than just my restless and sleepless night that has me dragging today. I'm feeling terrible. Nothing in particular, yet a little of everything. Aches, pains, and upset stomach are part of it. I'm tired and go from hot to cold as well. I know what it is, and I know it's just got to run its course. It's the flu!

Not full-scale, luckily. No this is a scaled down version of that miserable little bug. I went in a week ago and got my annual flu shot, and as is normal for me, I get sick with a mild case of the flu after. Sometimes it's very mild and short-lived, other times it's a bit more severe and lasts longer. I suppose it depends on how much rest I get and the type of strain they use.

I stopped getting flu shots for quite a while just because of this. Of course, I wasn't working in a job with public exposure back then. Also, the flu wasn't nearly as serious then, except for the old and the ill. Now, it's just prudent to get the shots, with so many severe strains going around, and with the number of people who I come into contact with at work. People who many of just don't have a clue about covering your mouth and not  spreading germs.

Of course, many of these type of people probably know, they just don't care. I see them using the restrooms and not washing their hands, I see them hauling kitchen materials in livestock trailers that have not been cleaned for weeks or even months. Seriously, I have seen counters, cabinets, and yes, even bags of groceries hauled in trailers full of shit.

That's not to mention the lumber and outside items they lay right in the manure. Sometimes it splashes all over as they drop the item, and they have manure on their clothing, hands, and even faces. they sign for the product and then take another bite of their burger, dig in their fries, or take out another handful of chips and stuff in their pie-holes. Can we say E-Coli?

So, if a person lives like this, do they care if they wash their hands after they use the bathroom? Do they care if they cover their mouths when they cough? Nope. I even suspect some of them, and others who are not so unclean, go further than to not care, I suspect they cough and sneeze at others on purpose. Just by their discontent outlooks on life they emanate, it's easy to understand they want others to get sick. They will come right out and say they are miserable and want others to be just as miserable. Maybe not directly word for word, but it's still just as plain.

Yep, being around people like these makes me glad to have the option to get a flu shot. It also tends to give me a low opinion of the general population; I do not jive anyone when I say I love my dogs more than most people. Luckily, there are some very nice people who I am fortunate to come into contact with, too.

They are polite, clean, and considerate, and show that there is still a balance of good and evil in the world. I also know, and it helps, that most kind hearted people tend to keep to themselves, I suppose because they also come into constant contact with the degenerates. So, I understand that many of the folks who I see throughout my day, who don't say anything, are in fact good people and just keeping quiet, not knowing if I'm decent folk or a degenerate myself.

I will add here that I try to be polite and courteous to everyone, even the assholes who I have to deal with. I try to greet them kindly, to offer them the same service as everyone else, and I even try to get them to leave in a better mood than they arrived with. Many times it works because they are not bad people, they are just having a bad day, or have had a bad experience with someone in a similar position as me. It really makes my day when someone pulls up in a piss poor mood, and after giving them assistance, treating them decent, and showing them true professionalism, they exit in a much better mood.

Now, see what's happened? I've done got off the subject, again. I should be writing in my novel, finishing the last few chapters, but how can I do this when I cannot hold my thoughts on task? I'm not joking when I say, "I'm getting sick and tired of this being tired and sick."

But, I'm thankful it's the cure, not the real-deal. It's miserable and makes things difficult, but it's not debilitating. I can still do a lot, I just don't feel the best doing it. If it was the stuff already going around, I would not be here, or if I was, it would be very short indeed. I would not be going to work, or writing anything in my novel, I'd be in bed, burning with fever, coughing, sweating and shivering, and unable to do much of anything at all.

I firmly believe that contentment is in what we think. I believe thinking is what makes us who and what we are. In a world that teaches us to follow our hearts, to do what we feel, to take time for self, I stand apart and declare instead, "Don't follow at all, think! Don't live on feelings, think! And finally, give time for other's."

I've heard it said, you are what you eat. That means I could be many things, I like food. In a health minded way, perhaps this is true. But I don't agree with that statement. For me the doctrine is just as simple, "You are what you think."

Plain and simple, but very true. I know many would argue it, but on what grounds? For instance, a young husband and wife start out deeply in love. They met, the were attracted to each other and they wed. Over the next couple of years they learn the truth of each other; they finally really know one another. Some is good, some is bad, we are all human. Yet they are the same people who fell in love, only now they are bored, and don't like each other. They meet others and feel attraction, and soon they are separated and divorced.

Why? Because when they met they felt something. When they got married, they felt something, and when they got to know each other, the feelings subsided and without feeling anything, they get bored and look for feelings someplace else. This is but one example, it could be a job, a move, a hobby, anything. We all do it, too. We feel and act on feelings.

Only feelings are fleeting. One day we feel good, the next we feel not so good. We meet someone attractive, sexy, and fun, we feel an attraction. Three months later the feelings have ebbed, but we now feel for someone else. Following one's heart, no wonder so many relationships fail. Sure, some need to end, it's true, but how many should not have ever happened in the first place? How many ended on just feelings for another?

This is true in relationships, jobs, friends, where we live, everything. We see, we feel and we tend to act. But, if we stop and think, is it just a fleeting attraction or is it more? And, what about? I mean stop and think, what about -- what's best for everyone, what's right, what's going to happen in time -- we need to think about everything. Then, act not on feelings, but on thought.

With this is responsibility, we need to be accountable for everything we do, and to be accountable we need to think. Feelings are just the opposite, they are emotional responses to thought and are not responsible or accountable. That's why there are so many degenerates putting purchases in shit filled trailers, coughing and hacking in our faces, and not washing after using a filthy public bathroom. Of course, they often are the same ones leaving their filth for the rest of us, but that's beside the point. They don't care, because they don't think, they just didn't feel like cleaning out that trailer, they didn't feel like flushing the public toilet, or washing their hands, they didn't feel like turning away when they sneezed, and they didn't feel like covering their mouths when they coughed up a pint of lunge butter on us.

They don't feel like caring, they don't feel like doing what's right, they don't feel like putting any effort into life, they just want to do what they feel like and let someone else make the rules and if the don't feel like following them, they should have to.

I often find myself feeling a lot of things that would just not be good to follow through on, not after I think about everything my choices will affect. In physics there is a principle, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. I find this is one of the main truths in life itself, for every action, there will be an equal and opposite reaction. Therefore, I need to think very carefully about my actions and the opposite reactions that will result.

For example, if I choose to shoplift, I get something for free, but at the same time, everyone, myself included, will pay higher for other items. It works for anything, if you think about it, you will see that every action does have an equal and opposite reaction. It doesn't have to be a bad reaction, it may result in good reaction, and that, my friends, is why it's important to think.

I think, therefore I am. But that was only half, it should be, " I think, therefore I am what I think. If I think positive and righteous thoughts, I will make the world a better place, but if I think evil thoughts, heaven help me."