Perpetual Ruminations

Sunday

I just don't know sometimes. Or perhaps, I would be more correct to say I just don't understand. What I'm talking about is people. People who you care about and think they care back, but they do things that really make person wonder.

A while back we discussed getting another vehicle. We crashed the van and are no down to one vehicle, so another is needed. Our jobs make it almost a necessity to have two vehicles or spend a fortune in gas. So, we discussed options, but there really aren't many to chose from. We put a lot of money into the vehicle that was in an accident and is now not able to be driven, and what little we could have used towards another vehicle has been sucked up in gas and repairs for the one we are now driving. We have no credit, thanks to past relationships and misfortune, so there isn't much we can do to purchase another vehicle.

I had mentioned to my brother this very same situation. Because of limited income, we can't afford much for payments and coming up with a down payment is out of the question. What we have left for an option is to borrow from someone who will take small payments. This also means we can't get anything that cost very much, so a cheap vehicle that hopefully will hold together until we get it paid for. Of course, like I said, without help, we can't even do that right now.

But, my brother said he would help us out. Great, now we just need to look around and find something decent. Only before we got that far, the one vehicle we have broke down and ended up in the shop -- again. My brother was nice and gave Rhonda a ride to work that day while I waited on the repairs so I could go get her. On the way in, she talked to him about getting another vehicle, and he again told her he would help us out. Just find something and let him know, is what he said.

She did, she found a nice little van for twenty five hundred. Not a bad price, and I looked at the vehicle, it seemed like a great deal. I talked to my brother about it the next day, after he had told Rhonda he would help us out. I drove the vehicle we were looking at over to his place so he could see what we were getting, and asked him again, if he was sure he could do this. He said he could. But instead of riding back over with me to finish the transaction, he said he wanted to pay cash and to see if I could get the price down a bit more. He would also have to wait till Monday to get the money out of the bank. I took the van back, and we discussed the price, paying cash, and I got him to come down to twenty one hundred, four hundred dollars cheaper. He started the paperwork and I left.

Today, after work we, my brother and I, were going to go ice fishing just a few miles north of were I live. We had worked it out so I could ride with him and leave Rhonda the vehicle. Less miles, less gas, and more time for us to fish. So, I had all my stuff in the vehicle and drove over to my brother's after work. It had not warmed up like it was suppose to, and it was very windy. Since he doesn't like to go out fishing when it's like this, I thought I would talk to him and see if we were still going out. Yep, we were.

Great, I just had to give him a message from Rhonda, to meet her at the place we were buying the van Monday morning at ten. Had I not given him this message, I don't think he would have said anything. I guess he didn't want to give out bad news, so he just wasn't going to say anything. Instead, he was kind of put on the spot and had to answer. He was not going to help us out now, it was too much money. He did say he could still help out, like maybe five hundred bucks if we needed. So, no second vehicle, and no help. I swallowed it, and went out fishing with him like we planned.

But, not only did he go back on his word about helping out but now he had also changed the plan on fishing. Instead of me leaving the vehicle for Rhonda and riding with him I would have to drive. See, if I was close to home Rhonda would drive herself home and my brother would drop me off after we got done fishing. Only now, we are fishing close to where he lives, and I will have to either have Rhonda pick me up or I have to pick her up. If I counted on him to get me back in time to ride home with her, he would be late, and if I counted on him to get me back in time to pick her up, he would make sure I'm late. He has done this a few times to me.

So, I follow him out to the lake. This way, I can pack up and leave in time to go get Rhonda. We drive to the far end of the lake, out on the ice, and then all the way back to town on the ice. Only it's not just ice, it's a blowing snow, drifts, and pressure ridges. Then, when he gets over a ways, he stops and tells me he hasn't fished on this lake and he's not sure where to go. We discuss it a little, but my heart is not in fishing anymore anyway. I wanted to just have some relaxing time away from work and the rest of the problems, but that wasn't going to happen.

I did make it back in time to get Rhonda, but not any time to spare. My brother packed up at the same time I was going to leave, so he didn't' really want to fish anyway. And that's what I said at the beginning, I just don't understand.

Why say you'll help if you won't? Why bother to work out plans to do something so that it works for everyone, then change them and do just what one person didn't want to do? Why not just say right off, I can't help? Why not say, I don't want to fish over there, I want to fish here? Even more, why lie about it when you know that your not going to help, and that your not going to go with the plan?

Right about now, I'd be willing to trade him off for a two thousand dollar van. Do you know anyone who would like a younger brother?