Perpetual Ruminations

Thursday

Here we go again, Thursday's entry coming right up. It's kind of nice, I'm in here earlier again, and I really like it. I don't know why I don't just write this time everyday. Yes I do, but that would not sound as good. Actually, if I had control over time, I would set up a time to write in here, as well as in my stories and poetry. If; and that is a big if. As it is right now, I do not have much control over time at all, and I do not see it changing anytime soon.

There are just too many outside factors that prevent me from having control, and I don't see them changing any time soon. For one, my job is too unpredictable. If someone cannot make it in to work, I am likely to have to fill that shift. If I'm at work and they do not show up, again, I will be staying late. That just comes with the position. It doesn't happen very often anymore, but it does happen. Also, when it does happen, if I cover the shift, I end up out of whack for a few days.

See, I work the opening shift, so I get up at three in the morning on my work days. Now, if I get to bed on time the night before, I do pretty good. But if I have to work a double, it still burns me right out, and it's going to take a couple of days to get my sleep caught up and my internal clock back in sync. Especially if I have to cover a night shift. Then I'm really messed up. There is also the possibility that I may have to work on one or both of my days off. This has the same effect, only I don't end up working a double shift.

Even so, my days off are for resting up, and getting caught up on things I cannot do at work. If I have to work on one or both of them, I do not get the chance to rest up, and I do not get my work done. This means I'm tired and can't do other things very well until I get my rest caught up.It also means I have a lot of things to try and fit in, since I did not do them while I was off.

Another factor is family. I live with my wife, Rhonda, and she is great, but like any other couple, we are not always in sync, and she can put demands on my time  right when I should be doing something else. She tries hard, but it's just one of them things. Of course, if I had a regular schedule to follow, she could too. But with my schedule so messed up, her's gets messed up, and that puts more demand on my free time. No fault of her own, and I do love our time together. This is just explaining why it's difficult to have my time under control, and nothing more.

Another family member who prevents me from controlling my time is my brother. He cannot stick to a preset plan without having to change things. Also, he tends to work against me. For instance, if we were lost and following a trail that came to a fork, he would likely ask me what direction we should go. When I tell him, no matter how sound the reasoning, he will go the opposite. He has always been like this, and when I set aside time for something, he does his best to get that time away from me. For instance, a while back, Rhonda wanted to spend my birthday, just the two of us. She had some romantic plans for us, and told my brother that she had planned for me and her to spend the day, without company, since we had not had much time together for a long time.

What does he do, he shows up with his girlfriend and their dogs. So much for any time together, he stayed till it was getting late and left after  our bedtime. Yep, if there is a plan, he will do his best to disrupt it, and if time is an issue, he will make sure it is wasted on him. Of course, there is other family, and they can do the same, but most of the time they are pretty good. Just the luck of the draw, however, means they will call and need to talk when I don't have time to talk to them.

For that matter, the world in general seems to do this same thing. Some folks are lucky in that time seems to work for them, but the rest of us are the unfortunate ones who have to constantly battle the world for a little control over time. Even then, it's a losing battle, what can go wrong will go wrong, and at just the same time as something needs doing. For example, we had two vehicles, but just when I wanted to get going good with my writing, a deer jumps right out of the ditch and creams out the front of the van. It was right before Thanksgiving, when demands for our time were coming in from family, for dinner; from work, the big sale the day after Thanksgiving, and my writing, I wanted to keep on writing after doing so well in NoWriMo.

Now, lots of people hit deer, and the damage is bad, but they can still drive the vehicle. Nope, not Rhonda. She was in a string of traffic, so not speeding, and really had no place to go. She couldn't even stop real fast if she needed, since the idiots around here tend to ride so time on a person's ass you end up with a wedgie. Rhonda was back far enough to not give the person in front of her a wedgie, which gave this deer just the room it needed to jump and land right in front of her. it took out all the lights, the grill, and shoved the radiator right up into the engine. It hit hard enough that it deployed both airbags, destroyed the hood and left her without a vehicle. It was not in any condition to be driven without extensive and expensive work.

So, add to my list, the insurance company and us down to only one vehicle. Now, we have to make numerous trips into town, or we have to sit and wait for each other. Not only did this take more time, but it meant that if I started something, I would have to stop to go pick her up. Since time was being unfriendly, it was difficult to know when, or if, I would get back to the task, so many times I just did not start them. Then, since the one vehicle we have is old and has many miles, and the weather is the coldest on record, we find ourselves having more vehicle problems and since I have no garage, and this thing is terrible to work on, I have to find time to take it in for repairs.

These are some of the items that prevent me from having time under any control at all. Not the slightest control with these and the many other things that the world can toss up. Money problems and stress add to it, and then on top of it all, my dog get's old on me. She aged rapidly over the last year, and this fall she went down hill quickly. I hoped to have her make it through her birthday in December and enjoy one last Christmas with us, but time was not on my side. She passed away the first of December and left a void I doubt will never be filled. I have lost pets before, and it's difficult. But Klarissa was no pet, she was a part of me. One day, when the pain of her memories will not hamper me from getting everything out, I plan on writing about this exceptional animal who chose to share her life with me.

Seriously, she chose me. I had thought about a couple different puppies and could not make up my mind. In fact, I couldn't make up my mind if I even wanted a puppy, when this five week old female decided to come find me. She would not go to anyone else, and we were not even sure how she was getting out of her pen. Then, one night she woke me crying at the bottom of the steps. She was so small she could not scale the step, but she was giving it everything she had. I picked her up and put her back in the pen with the mother and other puppies, went to the steps and watched. She came to the fence panel, and then this tiny little pup began to climb. Shaking with fatigue, she managed to make the top, and to my horror, was going to jump down the other side.

She was small enough to fit in one hand, and I do not have big hands. The fence panel was three feet tall, and the floors were hardwood. I sprung from my vantage point and caught her just as she leaped free of the fence. I knew she would try again, so I gave in and assisted her up the steps to see where she was planning on going. I seriously thought she would hunt out my daughter, since she took care of the puppies. Nope, she went right to my bed and cried until I put her up on my bed. I had to work the next day, so I needed to sleep. I told this very young pup, "If you need to pee, and wet on my bed, you will never be on it again."

I went to sleep with a tiny dog snuggled into my hair. Midway through the night, I woke to something gnawing on my nose, then my ear. I looked at the wee pup, who was now at the edge of the bed, and I put her down on the puppy pad I had set up for her. She piddled on it, then cried to get back up. She slept the rest of the night and we were seldom apart after that. For twelve years we shared many adventures, and cared for each other and did most everything together. Her abilities were limitless; she put Lassie to shame with the things she could do.

But, as you see, I digress. Yes one day I will write about this marvel who was my best friend and as close as anyone in my life. But now it's time we are discussing, and it just ran out...

Dinner is almost ready, and I have to get this copied and pasted in Writing dot Com. I write it here to use the features of this site, but I keep my journal in Writing dot Com. I know, it's silly, especially when time is an issue. Even so, it's one way I can try and hold a slight control over the time I have. We also have another vehicle again, so more time is available, and things are a bit easier again. Many of the other things are still trying to control my time, and soon there will be more time needed for work, but I press on, hoping one day, to have better control over my time.

I know I will not ever have full control, but if I could have some control, that would be great. Even that would allow me to set a schedule and stick to it. Not a full day, not anything like that, but just enough to set aside a period of time for me to write, and another chunk for me to spend reading and reviewing. Alright, I guess I need a few chunks to distribute around. So lets say then, I hope one day to have enough control over my time, that the normal routines I need will be seldom interrupted by those outside forces that now prevent me from controlling my time, limited as it is.

Well, I suppose that if you read this all the way through, I'm now one of those forces that takes time and you are short a bit of yours. This turned out to be a lengthy entry, but that's all right, sometimes I just need to write, and when I can take take advantage of the time to do that, I better take the time while I can, even if it means I took a little more from you than normal. Sorry for taking up so much of your time...