Wondering about my Wanderings

Running dry

I sit here wondering what to write. I am embarassed to not have words overflowing like a fountain out of my tired limbs. It was Easter and I felt a little down. I recall times of spending Easter with family growing up. We were always together talking about the Easter Bunny and dressed up to go to church or some other fancy occasion. I remember dreading it until it was not there any more.

The first year of missing out took place when I went through an emotional crisis. It was as if someone locked me up in a loony bin and threw away the key. My faith became the key that eventually set me free. I had been used abuse and neglected while I was there. It was about Easter time when I was set free and in terms of resurrection joy it was my favorite Easter of all.

I went to seminary out in Kansas City, leaving behind a lot of kin in Massachusetts. I eventually hooked up with a pastor friend for the holidays until he left for a better opportunity. Soon after that I fell in love with Cindy and my holiday blues problem was solved once again. Divorce changed all that. I very rarely see my children during the holiday, except for the short time before Christmas or other times we set up. I also set up time to be with them on their birthdays. I am the least bit bitter. I could beat myself up. Instead I celebrate my kids can have time with family even it is not with me. I also encourage others in their family connection during the holiday.

It helps that I have remarried and yet it still is not quite the same. Running dry means that I am not satisfied. There is something in scripure that says that we are thirsty until we give our lives more fully over to God. It could be that God is trying to get my attention.
God bless. I hope you all had a great Easter!