Perpetual Ruminations

Tuesday

It is just one of them days that starts out fine and goes completely our of whack before one's very eyes, and there is no getting things back into whack. It's almost eleven o'clock in the evening and I don't know where my day has gone. I had a great start to a nice day off, and things were moving right along in a most relaxing way. I had slept in, but not too late, then got up and enjoyed coffee with Rhonda, and some pleasant conversation. Then, it was getting on to lunch time, but not quite. We had opted to skip breakfast and just do a nice brunch. I cooked, and Rhonda got things set up so we could enjoy or leisurely  meal. We ate, then fed the dogs, and took them out for a nice break and to go to the bathroom.

When we came in it was time to get some things going, make a list for groceries and start planning out our day. I set down to see how much money would be left after the bills were paid, and Rhonda set out to assist me in figuring out when everything would come do. I use a calender program to keep track of all of this, and have much of them set up for automatic payments. So, it's must a matter of know what comes out when, and making sure there are funds in the account to cover them.

Now, I need to add that we do not have a lot, and survive from paycheck to paycheck, but keep trying to get a little ahead in this game. We had everything figured in pretty good, set up a budget, and really gave it a good shot, but some of the utilities changed on us. For one, energy costs have gone up, and so has gasoline. So, we struggle and try to get by as best we can. We also set up payments to balance at the first of the month, and the middle of the month, since we get paid every two weeks. But, from the time we set things up, costs have changes, as I said, and so has the billing.

Bills that used to be due from our second check now come due from the first, and some from the first are now due from the second. Others, and only two, thankfully, switched to every thirty days instead of once a month on the same day. It makes it difficult to budget when the larger bills now come out from the same check instead of one from one check and the other from the next, and with every thirty days, it's constantly changing instead of being due the same day every month. If we had a little extra, it wouldn't matter, but when you have to base how much food can be bought on how much money is left after things are paid, it's a real pain when there isn't any consistency.

To try and get things back under some system of control, I wanted to fix the schedule and adjust things to fit a routine again. So, I had to remove everything from the calendar I use, and start over. So, I removed the entire program, since I could not find any means to change things without having the sync change the online calendars I link to. I ended up removing the program, and then reinstalling it to start fresh again. Only the application data was saved and when I reinstalled the program, all the old settings were also installed and I had gained nothing.

About this time, I found my computer running slower and slower. I suspected a Windows update, since that is usually the problem, but sometimes it's my anti-virus or something different that using up all the computer resources and leaves me moving at a snails pace. So, by the time I did a search and found the application data, deleted it all, and then reinstalled the program, I was running very slow and it took forever to load, to set up the settings, and to accomplish what I had set out to do. While things updating, I turned on the netbook and did my updates online from that while my laptop shut down, and hopefully finished updating.

I don't know if it's done yet, but I'm back on it and it's running normal again, so I assume everything is updated. But, by the time I finished what I set out to do, it was getting late into the afternoon, and I became a bit frustrated. Then, in figuring up what bills were due, it became clear that we were pretty broke and may have to juggle a few bills to get things paid; no getting caught up this payday, either. More frustration since I have increased my hours to attempt to get caught up again, but it's not working.

Even as I put in more hours, more costs come up and more payments come due. It's like the more I work, the more I earn, the more I owe and the more places I have to send my money. No, actually it's like for every dime I earn, I pay out twelve cents. So if I earn a dime, I owe two cents more than I have. So I put in more hours and earn two dimes, now I have twenty cents, and should have eight cents left, but when the bills come in and it's all totaled up, I find I now owe twenty four cents, and I'm four cents shy of breaking even. So, I adjust a little here, and a little there, I shuffle some bills and get a little behind, but by the next payperiod, I have increased my hours and now make thirty cents. I should be six cents ahead once everything is said and done.

But something comes up, or breaks, or we need to get this, or that, and once again I find that my thirty cents is not enough to cover the cost of living, which is now thirty six cents, and I'm further behind than I was before. Now, I also need to add, we do not go out to eat, we do not go out drinking or to clubs. We do not go out to a movie or anything like that. We skimp and skimp, in every direction we can, to try and make things go further. I cancelled my music account, I can't afford it, I'm going to stop Netflix DVD rentals, and if we still cannot get ahead a bit, all of the Netflix will have to go. Next is the online fax, but if I do not purchase this service I have to drive fifty miles round trip if something comes up and I have to send a fax. It was because of the cost to drive in to fax, that I joined up with online services.

So, we are going through the bills and it comes up that there isn't really any money left for groceries if we pay everything. But we need to eat, so we will have to find a way to shuffle the bills so that we can spend fifty bucks or so and manage to get by until next payday. Of course, the shuffle will have a service charge and that will short us next payday, but what else can we do? But, even if we manage to come up with a little for groceries, I can't afford the extra gas to drive in, so it will have to wait until I go to work, then pick up a few items after work.

Well this frustrates me even more, and it burns up my day, so that soon it's time for supper, but there's little to work with to make it, since we didn't go shopping, and that leads to more frustrations, and that leads to serious discussions on how we can try and get out of the rut we are in. Even as we discuss options, it's clear that we will not be doing much of anything this summer, other than work and strive to get our bills paid. At least, unless something changes a lot, there will be work, and skimp, pay bills, and try and get by. I don't know how, but what choice is there?

This is the discussion as we look at the need to make repairs on both vehicles, I need tires on one, the house is in need of some repairs, and there are personal items we need. Now, on top of being short on funds, we find our day has passed, we couldn't do what we had intended, and now we are also running behind on time as well. Sometimes it feels so helpless, and useless to even push on. It's like being in quicksand, and the more a person fights to get out the faster one sinks. I really am running out of options, and there is little left to do except to start shutting things down. The internet relies on a phone line, so the two cost ninety bucks a month to keep, online services I use often for work cost twenty bucks a month, but without internet, they would not work. I have a membership in here, WDC, and one in Netfllix. Not needed, but really the only entertainment I indulge in. But without the internet, they will do me no good.

So, I shut down the internet and land line, I'm now ninety five bucks ahead, but have to add to that the other services I kind of need, and kind of enjoy; lets estimate it to fifty dollars a month, and that's guessing on the high side. But, added all together, it's going to save me about one hundred and forty bucks a month. But, I have to run into town to do my faxes, and that's going to cost me in gas and mileage, as well as time. I won't be able to pay my bills online, so there's checks and postage, and more time. I also won't have the ability to do my reports and schedules online for work, unless I use the computer at some place I can connect to the internet.

That's a trip into town, again. Also, the only place that I can connect with any peace and quiet is the library. Other than that, I can get limited connection at Target, I can get WiFi at HyVee, but they do not have anyplace I can sit except in the main traffic area, and then there's McDonalds, which again is anything but quiet. So, I have to spend money to connect, since the WiFi's are there for customers, but you have to purchase to stay. The Library, you say? Not here. I have to pay to have a card and access to the services. The residence of town get that service free, but I live in a different county, and we do not have a library, other than the school, and that is not open for public use of the internet.

So, more trips into town, at fifty miles round trip, an hour of time driving plus the time I spend doing my work, and it's not looking like I'm really saving much at all. By the time you figure an amount in for time, mileage, and fees to use the service, I may actually pay more in the end. So, what then? How do I manage to get a little more out of each dollar? What can a person do to reverse the system, and get twelve cents in, but only a dime out? This is the problem right now, and has been for some time. There has to be a solution, and the only one I find is to take a second job.

But, and this is the problem, I can't set aside any time for another job. I have to fill in if someone can't make it, and that happens quite often. So, if I took a second job and someone is sick, I have to miss work to fill the security guard position. I could ask Rhonda to take on more work, by having a second job, but again, I need someone I can depend on to pick up hours so I don't go into overtime, and she is the only person at work I can depend on. We are not permitted to work overtime, unless there is no other possible way, and even then, it's not good to go over forty hours, so I only create more problems if I don't make sure I can count on someone, myself included, to fill shifts without going into overtime.

I suppose I could look for a higher paying job, but then I'm giving up a job I really like, and enjoy doing, and don't have any way of knowing if it will work or not, or if it will even last.  Things are not very secure in the workforce, and I could take a different job only to find myself out of work in a month or two. Also, being new, if things slow, I'm the first to get cut, but with my current job, I've got the most time in, I'm the supervisor, and there is no chance of cutting a slot out, it's required to have the times filled. They either hire enough people and keep them on, or they provide overtime for less people to cover the required times.

Again, no real solution, just more of the same, maybe even make things worse. So, what does a person do? Where do I turn to find the answers?